Qwi_Xux

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 11

2009-11-05T21:17:42Z

Chapter Eleven - Secrets and Spies

"Zhao." Ursa shook her head. "He's an impatient man who thinks always of his own gain. He has no restraint. What happened back in town--it has Zhao written all over it. He jumped at the chance to grab me, and didn't care who was in the way or if he had to be reckless to do it." She frowned. She had certainly had plenty of run-ins with Zhao back in the Fire Nation, but she had no idea how things might have changed in five years. "He--"

She stopped talking when the door to the cell opened and two soldiers came in. Hakoda rolled to his knees in front of her. If his words that he believed her hadn't been proof enough that he didn't hate her, then his protective reaction would have convinced her. She still didn't understand--didn't understand why he would want to protect her. She did understand, though, that trying to protect her right now would only get him hurt. He was dispensable to Zhao.

"You're coming with us." One of the soldiers pointed at Ursa. To Hakoda, he growled, "Back off, Water Tribe."

Ursa pushed herself to her feet and stepped around Hakoda before he could get hurt. Right now, she wasn't the one who needed protection. "I'm coming," she said calmly, even though inside, she was anything but calm.

The soldiers grabbed her arms and hustled her from the tiny room, slamming and locking the door behind them. She was taken to another room that had a desk, a chair in the middle, and a large Fire Nation tapestry hanging on the wall. Zhao was inside, waiting by the chair.

Ursa was pushed into the chair, and then the soldiers stood at attention beside her while Zhao paced back and forth in front of her like a prowling wolf-cat. "Hello again, Ursa."

She only glared at him.

"Wouldn't the Firelord be interested to know what his wife has been doing, working against him."

"I have not been Ozai's wife for five years, Zhao. Perhaps you should make sure you have your facts straight. In fact, I have never been wife to the Firelord. He divorced me before his coronation," Ursa retorted. "What do you want with me? If your plan is to use me to gain more power with Ozai--"

"Actually, I have no need for the Firelord to know anything about you. You would surely be executed, and that would not suit my purposes. I am, however, sure that Prince Zuko would be thrilled to know you're alive."

Ursa went cold. "You leave my son out of this."

"I wish I could, but he seems to keep getting in the way no matter what I try to do. The Avatar and his friends destroyed a Fire Nation force at the Northern Air Temple and they are going to pay." Zhao's jaw tightened. "And I am going to ensure that your son stays out of my way, since he just can't seem to leave well enough alone."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Zhao looked at her in surprise. "Surely you can't be ignorant of the fact that Prince Zuko was banished from the Fire Nation three years ago?" At the stunned expression on her face, he shook his head. "How ironic. You really can be that ignorant. Allow me to explain, Ursa. Your son is a coward. A weak, desperate coward who is not fit to take his father's place. He dishonored Firelord Ozai and then he was too weak to hold his ground and fight like a man. And now he has been getting in my way in my attempts to capture the Avatar."

Ursa still could not find words. Zuko had been banished? For three years? Had he been living in the Earth Kingdom? All this time, and if she had only known, she could have gone looking for him. And if he was getting in Zhao's way of capturing the Avatar, did that mean he had realized how wrong their nation was? Had he joined the Earth Kingdom in their war against the Fire Nation?

This last hope was dashed when Zhao explained further. In this instance, she was glad for his lack of restraint--he liked to gloat, and as far as getting information from him, that worked in her favor. "It is a pathetic attempt on his part to regain his honor and standing in the Fire Nation. You see, Ursa, when he was banished, Firelord Ozai never expected him to see him again. He gave Zuko an impossible task--find and capture the Avatar, and then he would regain his honor. Of course, no one expected the Avatar to return."

That painted a completely different picture in Ursa's mind. So Zuko had spent three whole years searching for the Avatar to try to gain back Ozai's approval? How had Zuko dishonored Ozai in the first place?

Her heart ached. Three years. Three years of Zuko struggling on a seemingly impossible task to find approval with a man who didn't deserve one bit of Zuko's respect.

"If you ask me, the world would be far better off if Zuko never returned to the Fire Nation," Zhao continued. "Which is why I will take care of the Avatar first. You are the perfect way to ensure Zuko's cooperation."

As much as Ursa hated the idea of Zhao using her to ensure Zuko's cooperation, she honestly couldn't say that she wanted Zuko to succeed in capturing the Avatar and return to the Fire Nation. If only she could see him, talk to him, explain about his father. Unless he had become as embittered, angry, and violent as Ozai. "I expect Azula is getting along just fine in the Fire Nation." She didn't expect Zhao to give her information on Azula, but she had to try to find out if her daughter was safe.

"Azula is an icon to her country," was all Zhao said. Which meant that Azula was probably still living her normal life in the Fire Nation, whatever that consisted of now. "Now, I did not bring you here to have a pleasant chat about your family. You have been working for the Earth Kingdom underground. This means you have potentially valuable information."

"I won't tell you anything."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll do your best to keep your silence, so we'll see what we can do to loosen your tongue a little. I think we have just enough time to question you before we reach our destination. We'll deal with questioning our other prisoner later." Zhao nodded at the soldiers next to her.

One of them grabbed her and forced her head back, while the other shoved something past her lips--a small glass bottle of some sort. Her mouth was filled with liquid that tasted sickeningly sweet and far more bitter than the Water Tribe's sea prunes. Though she had never tasted it before, she knew that it had to be the same red spider-fly venom herb concoction that the Earth Kingdom had used. Her mistrust of its accuracy did not stop her from panicking about what she might say under its influence. She gagged, coughed, tried to spit it out, but the soldier had a tight grip on her face and forced her mouth closed until she ended up swallowing it. It burned her throat all the way down, burned in her stomach, and it just seemed to spread from there.

It didn't take long before she got fuzzy and lightheaded, her vision blurring into spots and swirls of color. Everything was distant and far away, until nothing was coherent anymore.

Her last understandable thought to herself was I can keep my secrets.

:--:--:--:--:

As soon as Ursa was taken out of the room, Hakoda spent a minute lying on his back on the floor, trying to get his shackled hands from behind him to in front of him. He managed it, though the shackles pulled tightly enough against his wrists to cut parts of them. Once his hands were in front of him, he examined his bonds to figure out if he could get them all the way off. He couldn't, but at least he had more movement of his hands. He stood and examined all the walls of the holding room and the door. He peered through the slats on the door and saw that there was one guard patrolling the torch-lit corridor.

With no way out--yet--all Hakoda could do was wait, and that was the hardest part. Waiting for Ursa to be returned to the cell--if she would be returned--and wondering what was happening to her. Anger and frustration boiled deep within him that he couldn't do anything to help, that she could just be snatched away and he couldn't keep her safe. How much greater was the risk to her, being that she was a Fire Nation traitor? How much more severe would the Fire Nation be with her?

Hakoda sighed and rubbed his forehead. Fire Nation. It had been shocking to hear it from Ursa, but the more he thought about it--and the more she had explained--the more it really did make sense. It was why she had been so secretive about her past, why she had skirted around questions about her family, why she had sometimes had such great sadness or fear in her eyes.

Words she had spoken to him before all fit together and added up to everything that she had just confessed to him. Things she had said, mentions of her life being nothing but lies, even her reaction to the poster of Jeong Jeong made sense. It wasn't that she couldn't accept anyone from the Fire Nation--it was that she didn't think she could be accepted because she was from the Fire Nation. It was more than pain and loss that she was suffering--it was guilt. He had seen it all over her face when she had been confessing how and why she left her nation.

He tried to imagine what the past years must have been like, keeping such painful secrets, never believing she could ever fully be herself. It made him appreciate even more the people of his tribe. In the Water Tribe, no one was ever alone in their pain and trust actually meant something. If he and Ursa could get out of this mess, maybe she could get a chance to learn that not everyone was untrustworthy.

The minutes ticked by. Finally, Hakoda heard more noise out in the corridor. He peered out through the slats and saw two soldiers dragging Ursa along with them. She was sagging between them, her head down.

Hakoda stepped back from the door as it opened and Ursa was dumped on the ground. One of the soldiers held out his hand threateningly toward Hakoda and told him not to move. The other soldier unbound Ursa's hands, and then they left, shutting the door behind them once more.

Hakoda was at her side in an instant, rolling her onto her back. Her eyes were half-open, her gaze dazed and unfocused, and she was trembling violently. He noticed that her wrists were more red and bloodied than his own. What had they done to her?

"Ursa? Ursa, can you hear me? It's Hakoda." He rested the back of one hand against her cheek and felt how hot her skin was before she jerked away from his touch. She threw out her arm and smacked him in the face with more strength than he would have expected. It still wasn't enough to do more than throw his head backward. She lunged forward, crawling past him, though there was nowhere for her to go. She made it only a few feet before her strength gave out and she collapsed.

Hakoda reached for her again. "It's okay," he said quietly. He cautiously touched Ursa's shoulder, feeling it shaking, and she turned her head, struggling to focus on him. "It's me."

Her voice was thick and heavy when she said, "Hakoda?"

At least she wasn't trying to hit him again. "Yes. It's Hakoda."

"Not real." Ursa's eyes fluttered toward him, still glassy and not really aware. "Not…Hakoda. Dreaming."

"You're not dreaming. Ursa, can you tell me what happened? What did they do to you?"

She pushed herself forward again and hit her head on the wall. He didn't even know if she could see it. "My secrets. I won't tell. I won't. Burning, everything's burning…"

Her speech was as incoherent as everything else, and he was afraid she was going to hurt herself with all her thrashing around. Half-expecting her to smack him again, he managed to shift them both so she was leaning against him. He hooked his shackled hands over her head and rested them on her middle to keep her stationary. Her shudders ran through her body, making him shake, and he could feel how feverish and sweaty she was. .

Hakoda became aware that the boat was coming to a stop, but he had no idea of they were docking or if they were anchoring somewhere in the middle of the ocean.

Ursa was talking again, still about keeping her secrets, and he told her, "It's okay, Ursa."

For a brief moment, her head tilted upward and her eyes met his, and he saw such raw agony in them. "Couldn't stop it. I waited too long. I waited too long." Her hand pressed against her left shoulder. "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts…won't let you do it, don't kill my son! No secrets. I'm not telling anything. Your drug is unreliable," she mumbled. "You can't make me talk."

Drug…had they given her that red spider-fly venom concoction? If they had, it would probably explain her state, and it would mean there was nothing that he could do until it wore off. He had no idea how long that would take--Ursa had known more about the drug than he had.

Her hand was still holding tightly to her shoulder as she trembled and muttered, and Hakoda was suddenly afraid that they'd done more harm to her than just drugging her. "Ursa. Ursa, can you hear me? I need to know if they hurt you. Did they burn you?"

It was painful to see her in this state, and worse not to know if she was hurt. She didn't answer him; she just squeezed her eyes shut and kept up her nonsensical talking, her fist clenching at her left shoulder. He again heard her mention burning, and it being hot. He heard her say, "They found my tile. The white lotus tile. Fell out of my pocket and rolled on the floor. I need it back. Why did they take it? They take everything. They take everything." Her voice was getting weaker, her eyes now half-shut.

He had to know if she was burned, and if so, how bad it was. He knew she wouldn't he happy about it, knew how mortified she would be of this when she was coherent enough to realize what had happened to her. Even if there wasn't anything he could do to fix it now, if she was burned and her robe was brushing against it, it could make it worse.

"I'm going to look at your shoulder. Okay? Can you hear me? I just need to see if you're hurt."

As soon as Hakoda touched her clothing, her eyes shot open and she fought to get away from him, only to find herself trapped by his bound hands across her stomach. That made her panic more, so he couldn't even lift his arms back over his head to free her. It also yanked on his wrists so that the shackles dug more deeply into them.

Keeping his voice calm and quiet, he tried to reassure her, and she slowly stilled, her eyes straining to focus on his face. Her forehead furrowed in confusion. "Hakoda?"

"Yes. It's just me. I'm not going to hurt you. I just need to see if you're burned."

"Burning…" she whispered, her eyes drifting closed again. But she didn't fight when he turned down the neckline of her robes until he could see her shoulder. There was a large burn scar that covered part of her shoulder and chest on her left side, the edge of it continuing underneath her breast bindings. His worry about her being freshly burned vanished. At one time, it had to have been a very bad burn, but it was obviously an old scar. He folded her robes back over her scar, wondering how she had ended up with it.

Ursa was calmer now, but still mumbling and shivering. He wondered if she was trapped in her own head, reliving her traumatic experiences. She had mentioned before that red spider-fly venom could cause hallucinations. If that was even what they had given her.

That was when the door to the room opened again. Hakoda's hold on Ursa tightened. She was in no state to be touched again, and if they tried to take her--

"It's okay! I'm not here to hurt you!" the Fire Nation soldier hissed. Beyond the open door, Hakoda saw another soldier, slumped in a heap in the corridor.

The soldier who had unlocked the door dragged the unconscious man inside the cell, then shut the door behind him. He lifted up the faceplate of his helmet and Hakoda was looking at a young face. "I'm here to help you, but you have to do everything I say."

"Who are you?" Hakoda demanded. "Why should I believe you?"

"It seems to me you don't really have any better options. My name is Ran." He held something out to Hakoda--a white lotus Pai Sho tile. "This is hers." He nodded at Ursa. "I'm an initiate of the Order of the White Lotus."

Hakoda took the tile. "The what?"

"I don't have time to explain. Listen carefully--the Fire Nation might have spies among the Earth Kingdom, but it works both ways. I'm affiliated with a man named Jeong Jeong."

Hakoda stiffened. "Jeong Jeong I've heard of."

"Jeong Jeong…Fire Nation…like me…" Ursa's voice was so soft that he almost missed her words.

"I have to get you two off of this ship. I can't let Admiral Zhao use Lady Ursa. It could have devastating consequences. Here." He reached for Hakoda and quickly unlocked his shackles. Then he pulled a small glass bottle out and handed it to Hakoda. "That will help counter the effects of the drug they gave her."

Hakoda looked at the bottle suspiciously.

"Look, you can trust me or not, but we don't have a lot of time. They dosed her with a drug made from red spider-fly venom and a mixture of herbs, and she had a particularly bad reaction to it. Most of it will just have to wear off, but that--" Ran nodded at the bottle "--will help clear her head, and if you're going to escape, she needs it."

Hakoda glanced between the bottle and Ursa, and made a quick decision. Getting Ursa to go along with it, however, took a little bit of convincing, but she finally swallowed whatever was in the bottle.

"Good." Ran sighed in relief. "Now, we're docked in the northern Earth Kingdom. There's a small Fire Nation outpost here. Admiral Zhao is off the ship right now, meeting with other military leaders to discuss gathering a fleet. He wants to attack the Northern Water Tribe."

"What?"

"He's trying to capture the Avatar, and if he can destroy the Northern Water Tribe, it will make him even happier. I only just found out. I don't have any way to send a message from here. Someone has to warn the Water Tribe. I'll do my best, but if you can get away from here, then that gives both of us a chance to get out a warning. Most of all, you have to take her away from here." Ran nodded at Ursa. "There aren't a lot of soldiers on board. I think I can get you off the ship, but the only way to get away from all the ships docked here without being seen is going to be to swim as far as you can until you're out of sight, and then walk into the hills. There are hills all over this area. And it's cold. There's snow on the ground."

Snow was nothing. However, being in the snow after taking a dive under freezing ocean water, having no dry clothes, and having nowhere to go but to head into the hills--that was going to be harder.

Fortunately, Ran was one step ahead of him. "I've got an oil skin bag that will keep the supplies and clothes I put in there dry. It's in the corridor. That should get you through a day or two, as long as you can get away. After that, you're on your own, friend."

"Hakoda?" Ursa shifted and blinked at him in confusion. "I'm--not dreaming?"

Hakoda was relieved to see that her eyes were much clearer than they had been--still not all the way back to normal, but getting there. "I hope not. Isn't it bad enough looking at me while you're awake?"

Ursa made a strangled sound--maybe a laugh or maybe a cry. "Not dreaming," she agreed. "I couldn't dream…a joke that bad."

"Can you stand up?" Ran asked her, and Ursa focused on his face. "I'm trying to help you escape."

"I…" Ursa blinked again, pressing her hands against her temples and grimacing. "I…think so." Carefully, she struggled to her feet, almost falling over and catching herself on the wall. Her body was still having small tremors, but nothing like it had been.

Hakoda nodded at Ran as he stood. What other choice did they have? If this was their only chance to escape, they had to try to take it.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 10

2009-11-02T19:46:15Z

Title: Guide Me Home
Characters/Pairing: Ursa/Hakoda
Summary: They were engulfed in war and had already lost so much when circumstance pulled them together. (Eventual Ursa/Hakoda, takes place during the show, without contradicting canon.)
Rating: T
A/N: This chapter…did not turn out how I expected. In some ways it did, in other ways, I had anticipated some things differently. That's what happens when the characters take over, I suppose. ;)
Previous Chapters: (Chapter One) (Chapter Two) (Chapter Three) (Chapter Four) (Chapter Five) (Chapter Six) (Chapter Seven) (Chapter Eight) (Chapter Nine)

Chapter Ten - Falling Faster

Ursa yelled as someone grabbed her the instant Hakoda tugged her out the back door of the tavern. Her hand was torn out of Hakoda's grip and she struggled with the person who pinned her arms behind her back. She got a glimpse of Fire Nation uniforms, and she stilled as a sword was pointed at her by one of the soldiers.

The next thing she noticed was Hakoda, crumpled in a heap on the ground, and terror shot through her. She hadn't seen what had happened to him. Had he been stabbed? Was he dead?

Her hands were bound swiftly behind her back. "You're coming with us," the soldier holding her at sword point spoke. "You've been causing the Fire Nation a lot of trouble lately."

Ursa couldn't take her eyes off of Hakoda. Her fault. This was another thing that was her fault. If he was dead--

Dizzying relief swept through her when she finally saw the slight movement of his breathing.

"What do we do with him?" one of the soldiers asked, prodding Hakoda with his boot.

The sword-wielding man turned and examined Hakoda. "Water Tribe. Let's bring him, too. The admiral might have use for him. Let's move!" To Ursa, he added, "If you come quietly, we won't have to kill your boyfriend."

The juvenility of that statement was ridiculous, but the threat wasn't. Even had Ursa been capable of fighting against a group of armed Fire Nation soldiers with her hands tied behind her back, she wasn't about to do something to put Hakoda's life at further risk.

What about Notu and Bato? Did they get out? Are they dead? Oh, dear spirits, let them be safe.

The next little while was a nightmare. Ursa was led to a covered wagon and shoved in the back of it. She ended up in an awkward, uncomfortable position on her side and had to struggle to sit, difficult to do when her arms were tied behind her back. Hakoda was dumped in next to her, but she couldn't barely make out the shape of his prone body in the darkness, let alone see if he was injured. Two soldiers jumped into the back of the wagon and sat down, their eyes on her. She met their gazes steadily, with every ounce of anger that she had. If they thought she was going to cower, they had another thing coming.

Ursa fought back her frustration and hopelessness. She didn't think that there would be any little earthbending girls running around underground to save her this time. Most of the Water Tribe was out at the cove, and Bato and Notu…

She squeezed her eyes shut as the wagon started moving swiftly down the road. She hadn't even realized how loud the sounds at the tavern were until they faded into the distance. The image of the fire in the tavern was blazing on the insides of her eyelids. That poor tavern owner would lose his home and business, too, just as she had lost hers. Another thing to take responsibility for, another wrong that she couldn't right.

She was aware of the moment that Hakoda woke. He groaned and shifted, his shoulder bumping into her leg. Her eyes had adjusted as much as they could, and Hakoda was close enough that she could see his eyes blink slowly open and focus on her face. Then his eyes widened and he tried to move, only to discover his hands were bound. He sat up a lot faster than she had managed to.

"Stop moving, or I'll run you through." The Fire Nation soldier's voice seemed far too loud after the silence of the past while. He pointed his sword at Hakoda's nose. "Our orders were only to capture her alive."

Hakoda's voice was calm, though Ursa could see the anger simmering beneath the surface, when he quietly asked her, "Are you hurt?"

"No talking!" the soldier growled.

Ursa nodded at Hakoda. He looked around grimly, and she wished she could apologize. She knew that whatever happened next, whatever the Fire Nation did to Hakoda, it would be on her hands. He thought the Fire Nation only wanted her because she could detect firebenders. She knew better.

He was going to find out. It would be a miracle if he didn't find out where she was from, and exactly who she was. That thought terrified her almost as much as what might happen to her. For all that Hakoda, Bato, and Notu had just talked about acceptance and individuality, she had a harder time believing they could really hold to it. Their words and ideals were lovely, but words and ideals could shatter when faced with reality. And the reality that they had been traveling with someone from the Fire Nation, that Hakoda had gotten captured because of her, could strip away all of their beautiful notions.

Maybe she could at least get some news on her children. If she could know whether or not Ozai had heard that she was working underground for the Earth Kingdom, if she could know whether that had led to something horrible happening to Zuko and Azula, it might not change her situation, but she would know.

Hakoda's head tilted back, and Ursa finally saw a splotch of darkness on his cheek. She slowly leaned as close to him as she dared and got a better look. Though her eyes had adjusted, it was still hard to see clearly. As she had suspected, it was blood--there was blood tracing a thin line from his scalp. One of the soldiers must have hit him on the head.

She swallowed and reminded herself that a head injury was better than death.

Hakoda's gaze met hers, his face so close to hers that their noses almost touched. He was watching her with worry, and she knew him well enough by now to realize that it wasn't worry for himself--it was for her. His shoulder bumped against hers, a gesture that was somehow reassuring and at the same time made her gut wrench with guilt.

She could feel her walls going up, those careful shields she was so adept at constructing, and it wasn't until that moment that she realized how far those walls had crumbled. In that moment, she realized a lot of things--the full weight of them hit her like a bolt of lightning.

She realized that she was frantically trying to pull away from Hakoda's care and concern, because she was sure she was going to lose it as soon as he found out who she was. She realized that the past month had given her more reason to have faith in people than she'd had in countless years. Even with Misaki, it had been different. She was Ursa's mentor and friend, but secrets had always been part of their relationship. In her own way, Misaki could be as secretive as Ursa, and that had suited them both because they both understood the necessity of it.

With the Water Tribe, it was different. With Hakoda, the differences went even further. All the things he had said to her, his promise to be honest with her--even if she didn't believe such a promise would be kept, she wanted to believe it.

But she had let herself be blinded in the past. She couldn't afford to let it happen again. She had to prepare herself for the mistrust and disgust that would come when Hakoda found out that she was Fire Nation.

She should have saved them all this trouble by telling him before. For years, she had kept her heritage silent and bottled up because it had been necessary. She had told herself that if anyone found out about her past, and word somehow got back to Ozai, he would carry through on his threat to end their bargain. She had kept her silence for her children's sakes.

Bumping along in the wagon next to Hakoda, she realized that her silence had been for selfish reasons, too. Living in her inn, she had been accepted and cared for by the town, and she had needed that. With the loss of her family and her country, she had needed to keep her silence to be accepted by the people around her.

She was selfish. So very, very selfish. Her desire to hold onto something in her life, to have some kind of acceptance and maybe even friendship, had put her in this position. It had put Hakoda in this position. After all, her identity had already been compromised when a firebender caught her at the army base. If she had been willing to tell at least the Water Tribe where she was from after that, then maybe they wouldn't be in this predicament. Maybe she would have been left behind or turned her over to the Earth Kingdom so they could deal with her.

There was a voice deep inside of her that protested, that said that Hakoda might just understand, and that he might have kept her on board even had he known she was Fire Nation. This was the voice she was trying the hardest to drown out, because it was the one that had the potential to hurt her the most. It offered hope.

She had no idea how long the wagon bumped along the road. It seemed an eternity. She struggled with herself the whole time, fluctuating between panicked and strangely calm. There was nothing she could do at this moment but to accept that things were not going in her favor, and were likely to get worse.

When the wagon finally ground to a halt, she had made her decision. Maybe she was selfish, and maybe she was a coward, and maybe she was so many things, but if Hakoda was about to find out about her, then she was going to be the one to tell him.

Everything she had drilled into herself over the past years screamed in protest. Everything she had gained with the Water Tribe in the past month that she stood to lose tried to glue her mouth shut. But she would lose it anyway, as soon as one of the soldiers mentioned something about her in front of Hakoda.

The two soldiers in the back of the wagon pushed out the back of the wagon, and Ursa got a glimpse of night sky before the covering shut again.

"You're not hurt?" Hakoda murmured quickly as soon as they were alone..

Ursa shook her head, trying to find her voice. "I have to tell you something." She could hear the soldiers talking outside--she didn't know how much time she had. She forced herself to meet his eyes and saw his worried expression. And there was no longer a question of whether she could or should tell him. He had to know. He had to know before it was too late. "It's my fault. This. All of it. It's my fault." Oh, spirits, oh, spirits, what am I doing? She found herself fighting against furious, aching tears. She would not cry. She would not.

His voice was quiet when he next spoke. "What?" Almost like he couldn’t believe the words she had just said, or maybe it was just that they made no sense to him.

It got harder to hold in her tears. "It's my fault," she whispered, and as painful and hard as it was to say because she knew that she would lose everything, there was a sense of liberation in speaking the words. A freedom in admitting her guilt. The wagon covering was opening again--she was out of time. The next words burst out of her in a whispered rush. "I'm not from the Earth Kingdom. I'm from the Fire Nation, Hakoda."

She got a glimpse of the frozen expression on his face, and then the soldiers were yanking her out of the wagon and standing her on her feet. Hakoda was pulled out after her, but she couldn't look at him. She didn't want to see the anger on his face as he realized that she was from the country that had taken his wife from him, that was hunting his children. He had told her he knew she had secrets, but he couldn't have realized the depth of her lies.

She finally got a good look at where they were. They were at an ocean harbor, and waiting in the water was a Fire Nation warship. It was to this ship that she and Hakoda were taken. It was crawling with uniformed soldiers, but they weren't what caught Ursa's attention. It was the man standing straight-backed in the middle of the deck, his attention completely focused on her.

Her heart thudded loudly against her ribcage as she was brought to a halt in front of him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Hakoda beside her, but her eyes remained fixed on the man in before her.

"Zhao." Her voice was tense.

"Ursa. My, it has been a while. Most people back home think you're a coward and a runaway--the ones who don't believe you're dead. If only they knew."

She was really not surprised to find out Zhao was behind her capture, but it made her even more wary. She had never liked Zhao during any of the encounters she'd had with him. He was impatient and impulsive, and anything he did was for his own gain and rank. He could claim it was for the Fire Nation, but she had been around him enough to know that he was more worried about his own glory.

"Imagine my surprise when my spy came back from that idiot General Ling's army base and told me he had found you working for the Earth Kingdom." Zhao's smile was self-satisfied.

Ursa stiffened. "Your spy?" Was Zhao behind these spies in the Earth Kingdom's network?

Zhao didn't answer her, but finally looked at Hakoda. "And one of the infamous Water Tribe warriors. Come now, did you really think you would be able to protect her? You have a few measly ships. I have far more at my disposal. Finding out where you landed was not so difficult. Stationing soldiers in the surrounding towns to keep a lookout for you--" he turned his attention back to Ursa "--was even easier."

"What do you want, Zhao?" Ursa wasn't afraid of him. Faced with the man pulling some of these strings, she found her anger taking over any fears she had. Zhao didn't scare her. He only infuriated her, which was good. She needed her anger right now, needed it to keep her strong and protect her.

Zhao's smug smile widened. "Oh, we'll get to that shortly." To his men, he said, "Throw them in the hold. Ursa, I look forward to our conversation. We have much to discuss."

It was all she could do to refuse to acknowledge him and not spit on him.

In short order, Ursa found herself locked in a tiny room with Hakoda. It was the space on the ship used for transporting prisoners--no furniture, no tapestries, and a heavy metal door with only a barred window to let a little bit of light in from the torches in the corridor.

The shackles on Ursa and Hakoda's wrists weren't removed. Ursa sat with her arms behind her back, leaning against one corner, still avoiding looking at Hakoda. He slowly sat near her--not that he had a lot of choices; the space was so small that anywhere was near her.

Ursa drew her legs up to her chest and closed her eyes. It was over. Everything she had worked for, everything she had sacrificed. If Zhao could use her as leverage to get a better position with Ozai, he would do it in a heartbeat. She would end up in prison or dead. And Hakoda would be locked away, unable to even go back to his men or to find out of Bato and Notu were alive…

She jerked and her eyes snapped open when something touched her foot. Hakoda had shifted to sit directly in front of her and bumped his boot against hers. He caught her gaze and she froze. There wasn't any of the anger or hatred as she had expected to see, only questioning, and somehow that made it worse. She didn't know why. Did she want him to be mad at her? Or was it just that she knew she deserved it?

"I'm sorry, Hakoda." The words somehow pushed past her clogged throat.

"Ursa, I can't understand unless you tell me--"

"I don't want your understanding!" Ursa cried, her breathing rapid. "I don't deserve it, Hakoda! The person I am--you're too good. You are a good man. You are selfless and loving and you deserve to be home with your children, taking them penguin sledding and building snowmen and eating your daughter's stewed sea prunes. Instead, you're stuck on a Fire Nation warship because of me!"

Hakoda considered her, still without any ire. There was some caution and wariness in his eyes, but it was far less than she had anticipated. "You're a noble from the Fire Nation."

"Was." Behind her back, she clenched her hands into fists. "A long time ago."

"Why did you leave the Fire Nation?" Hakoda asked quietly.

Ursa shook her head reflexively, biting her lip. It was so strange to be discussing this at all, let alone with Hakoda. She had spent so long hiding this that even when it was out in the open, she didn't know how to talk about it. "I had to."

He was waiting, and she was warring with herself. There were still some things she was unwilling to tell him. He might find out from people on this ship that she had once been married to Ozai, and maybe she should save him the trouble and tell him now, but her shame was still too great. The pain was still too great. She knew if she told him the whole story, she wouldn't be able to contain her tears and she needed to maintain control of herself. And there were some secrets that really weren't safe to tell. As long as Ozai was in power, she couldn’t tell anyone the full truth. She couldn’t risk Ozai finding out, and even if she thought she could trust Hakoda to keep it a secret, there was no guarantee it wouldn't come out if he was questioned.

She was quiet for a long moment, sorting through her thoughts and words, before she spoke. "I left for my children." Ursa took a deep breath and turned her face upward. "My son and my daughter. They were my whole world. And I failed them." She swallowed and blinked to clear her eyes, forcing herself to look at Hakoda again.

"Are your children alive, Ursa?"

"I…think so. I haven't seen them in so long. I lost them to the war years ago because I wasn't strong enough to save them from it." Her voice cracked. "I don't know if I'll ever see them again."

Hakoda shifted so that he was sitting beside her, his arm pressed against hers.

"You should hate me."

"Why? Because you're from the Fire Nation? Didn't you hear anything that Bato and Notu--" his voice halted, only for a moment, but it was enough to tell Ursa that he was worried about Bato and Notu, too "--and I were talking about earlier?"

"I heard it. I don't believe it."

"Why not? Because you don't think that anyone could accept you as a former Fire Nation noble?"

"Because I've done horrible things. I'd like to tell you that I left the Fire Nation because I woke up one morning and realized that the war was wrong, but it wouldn't be true. I left because I didn't have a choice."

Hakoda didn't move, just sat there searching her eyes as though he could find the answers in them. "What do you mean?"

"I…" Ursa hesitated. "There was someone who wanted to use my son as means to an end. They were going to kill him. I struck a bargain to save him."

There was a heavy silence, and Hakoda finally said, "I've done a lot of things in this war to protect my children."

"It's different."

"How?" Hakoda wasn't making this easy. Of course he wasn't making this easy; since when had he ever made it easy for her? He never pushed her, always let her go her own pace, never asked her for her trust. Maybe that was why he was gaining it. And that made all of this worse.

Because Ozai wouldn't have been Firelord if not for me. Either Azulon would have lived longer and continued the war, or he would have died and Iroh would have become Firelord. There was no guarantee that Iroh would have been different, that the war wouldn't have continued or been worse if she had remained uninvolved, but she couldn't pretend she had nothing to do with the state of the world. She had ensured that Ozai had the throne, and that was crime enough. Zuko had been spared, but the world was suffering. "It is." She heard the pain and bitterness in her voice. "Because of my bargain, I was cast out of the Fire Nation and told if I ever returned, my son's life would be forfeit." A sob caught in her throat and she wasn't sure if she loathed herself more for her lack of control or because she was still talking.

Hakoda was staring at her with disbelief. More than that, with sympathy that she had not expected. "So you came to the Earth Kingdom."

"I spent the first months traveling a lot. I had no home, nothing but what I could scrape together for myself." Ursa was talking faster now. Now that her bottle of lies was open and Hakoda was listening instead of judging, it was coming more easily. "It was hard, but it was good that it was hard. It taught me a lot. It showed me the devastation that my nation was causing. And then I met Misaki. She didn't know where I came from. No one knew. But she gave me a real chance to make a difference against the Fire Nation in the war. She helped me purchase the inn, and she brought me into the Earth Kingdom underground. It was the least that I could do. And I was there at that inn, aiding the Earth Kingdom, until the day a firebender walked in. He didn't understand how I could tell he was a firebender. To be honest, I can only pick out earthbenders because I've lived among them for five years. I'm much better at distinguishing the movement of firebenders, because I lived among them the rest of my life."

As silence again fell, Ursa leaned her head against the wall. Inside she felt hollow. Hollow and drained…but a little bit free. She whispered, "So now you know. You probably don't believe me. And I won't blame you for that."

"I believe you."

Her eyes snapped over to his face.

"I told you the other night that I knew you were keeping secrets. I didn't imagine they were anything quite like this, but I still believe that you're on our side, Ursa."

"You…do?" That little voice--the one that held hope, the one she had been trying to ignore this whole time--was getting a little bit louder. And more than anything, she knew there was no going back now. She was falling down that slippery slope of trust and she didn't know how she was going to find her feet again.

"I do," Hakoda said firmly. "And I'd like for both of us to get out of this mess. So right now, I need you to tell me everything you can about this Zhao."

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 9

2009-10-30T13:54:17Z

Chapter Nine - One Step Forward

The cove where Hakoda and his men landed was sheltered among walls of rocky cliffs. It was secluded--the local village was far up a hill and through the thick woods that dominated the area, but that worked well to make the Water Tribe less conspicuous.

Bato's boat was already pulled up on shore at the rendezvous point when the rest of the Water Tribe arrived mid-afternoon, and Bato was standing on the beach, hand held up in greeting. As they docked, the air was full of shouts of greeting.

"It's good to see you in one piece." Hakoda grinned, clasping Bato's arm. Bato's injured arm was red and scarred, but looked far better than it had when Hakoda had last seen him.

"And it's good to see you haven't sunk the fleet while I've been gone," Bato returned. "I have some welcome news for you, Hakoda. I met up with Sokka and Katara."

Hakoda listened in relief as Bato filled him in on his reunion with Sokka and Katara, and his meeting of the Avatar. "He's very young and he has a lot to learn, but he has the best people helping him."

While Hakoda was overjoyed to have such recent news of his children, he couldn't help but feel sadness that he hadn't been the one to see them, to take Sokka ice (well, in this case, rock) dodging, to see that they were as grown-up as Bato said. He was, however, grateful that they'd had Bato to give them news and to raise their spirits. Quietly, he told Bato, "Thank you."

Bato clapped him on the shoulder. "So what trouble have you been getting into while I've been gone?" he asked loudly, addressing all the men.

They exchanged glances, and Bato looked at Hakoda. "That bad?"

Hakoda simply said, "I think you should meet Ursa."

The next little while was spent introducing Ursa to Bato and explaining everything that had happened since leaving him at the abbey. While Bato was being filled in on the situation, some of the men were busy transferring supplies to Bato's ship. The warriors who had been on his boat before would be moving back to it, so things would be a little less crowded.

As everything was being rearranged, Bato pulled Hakoda to the side. His eyes flickered over to Ursa, who was standing out of the way of the men moving things around. "I have to say, this is one development I didn't expect. I realize that you have all been through quite a lot with this woman over the past weeks, but I haven't had the chance to get to know her. What can you tell me about her?"

Hakoda would have been surprised if Bato didn't question Ursa's presence. Bato had always been the voice of reason and caution, even during their troublemaking escapades at the South Pole. Of course, in those days, his "voice of reason" had been making sure that the rope they had was actually strong enough to lasso the arctic hippo. As Hakoda's second in command, he and Hakoda normally discussed any major decisions.

Hakoda glanced over at Ursa, then back at Bato. "She's a woman who's lost everything in her life."

"You have to understand that some of this situation looks very circumstantial when you just step into it," Bato said.

"Are you worried that she's one of these Fire Nation spies whose purpose was to infiltrate the Water Tribe?" Hakoda asked.

"The thought did cross my mind, but I knew if it had crossed mine after just hearing about what's been going on, then it had undoubtedly crossed yours. And since she's still here, I know you trust her at least enough to not be a spy for the Fire Nation."

"We weren't even supposed to be in her town the night her inn burned down," Hakoda replied. "I might have been suspicious if we planned to be there, but we weren't. And as you said, we've had time to get to know her a little--as much as she'll let us."

Bato raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"Let's just say she keeps herself closed up pretty tightly, but I think we've been getting through to her here and there." Hakoda's eyes flickered over to Ursa again.

"Your instincts about people have always been very good. You've told me her situation, but what do you make of her, Hakoda?"

Hakoda considered carefully before answering. Over the weeks she had been with them, she had, as he had told Bato, been relaxing more, taking the joking and teasing of the men in stride, and the closest he saw her to being happy was when she was beating them at their games. He told this to Bato, and then added, "She's hardworking and she pushes herself too much. She's afraid of appearing weak, and she doesn't like to rely on people to protect her." His forehead creased and he shook his head. "I think she doesn't know how to rely on others. She told me she lost her family to the war. I haven't asked for details, but whatever she's been through in her past has made it hard for her to trust. I still don't think she trusts us completely."

"Well, I can't say I blame her for that," Bato mused. "Trust can be very tricky ground to walk on, and it's harder if that trust has been abused in the past."

Hakoda nodded. He thought of the recent night when she had spoken so adamantly of hopelessness and lies. It had been a huge crack in her defenses and he had seen more than ever the deep well of emotions she kept locked inside, and it made him wonder that much more about what had happened to her to make her believe there was no honesty in the world.

"She grew up in a noble family, from what I can tell," Hakoda continued. "I heard her tell Tamoru that she was raised by her aunt, and she mentioned a grandfather to me. I know that she has nightmares and trouble sleeping--we all know it." There had been a time or two when they'd heard her cry out in her sleep. Mostly, Hakoda had learned to tell when she had a nightmare because she would wake up and go up on deck to get some fresh air. The men on watch knew to expect her company at random hours of the night when she had trouble sleeping. "I think that she has plenty of secrets, but I don't think she's dangerous to us." He clapped a hand on Bato's shoulder. "And I think you'll get along very well with her. You both have very similar senses of humor."

"Oh?" Bato gave Hakoda a narrow-eyed, scrutinizing look--one that meant he thought he had figured something out.

"Is there something else?" Hakoda asked.

Bato's eyes darted over to Ursa again, then back to Hakoda. "Not right now." He clasped Hakoda's shoulder. "It's good to be back. And now that I know about our mysterious guest--" he gave Hakoda another furtive look "--why don't you tell me what your plan is? Are we just going into the local village to check out the undergrounder here and see if we can turn anything else up?"

"Yes. Very carefully. There's a Fire Nation colony not too far from here. I want to wait until nightfall. Our member of the underground runs a tavern--it'll probably be busiest at night and we can just blend in."

The sky was overcast when the sun set, hiding the sun and stars, but at least there was no rain. When it was completely dark, Hakoda readied for the trip to the nearby village. He was only taking a small group to try to avoid being noticed. "Bato and Notu, you're with me. Pika, hold down the ships while we're gone. Ursa, if there are firebenders, it would be nice to have a heads-up, if you're ready."

Ursa nodded. "I am."

Hakoda, Bato, and Notu donned brown cloaks that worked well for covering up their obvious blue clothing, and along with Ursa, they headed for the village, carrying a lantern with them. They hadn't walked far away from the cove when they came across a dirt road. It cut through the trees and made it much easier to walk.

There was also a signpost along the way, with posters stuck to it, and they paused to look at them. Notu pointed at one notice. "Looks like that Fire Nation town nearby had some kind of celebration recently."

Ursa's hand went to a poster of an older man, labeled "The Deserter," and Hakoda saw the flash of surprise on her face. He looked more closely at the poster over her shoulder and saw that the man was a Fire Nation deserter. "A fire nation admiral?" Hakoda read. Bato and Notu turned their attention to the poster. "Would you look at that. I guess even some of the Firelord's own military leaders disagree with him."

"Well, that gives us one more advantage in this war," Notu said. "We need all the advantages we can get." He tapped the image of the Fire Nation deserter. "Good luck to you, former Admiral--" he squinted at the writing on the poster in the light of their torch "--Jeong Jeong."

Ursa stared at them, and Hakoda raised his eyebrows at her. "You look like you just swallowed stewed sea prunes. What's wrong?"

"He's a Fire Nation admiral," she pointed out, her voice full of incomprehension. "And Notu is wishing him luck."

"He's a former Fire Nation admiral," Notu corrected. "There's a chasm between the two." They started walking again, and he kept talking. "The Fire Nation's wrong. I know it, you know it, but the Fire Nation doesn't know it. At least, most of them. But if there's some guy in the Fire Nation who realizes that it's wrong, he needs all the luck he can get." He flashed Ursa a smile. "And where there's one deserter, there are usually more. One less admiral for them means one more that could help our side of the war."

Ursa still looked unsettled. "I don't understand. This man fought against you before he deserted. He might have attacked or conquered parts of the Earth Kingdom. He might have killed for the Fire Nation. If this man walked up to you right now and said he wanted to help us fight against the Fire Nation, you would trust him?"

"Trust is earned." It was Bato who spoke this time. He was studying her, as he had been earlier--as he would likely continue to do until he got to know her a little bit. "But if he proved his worth, then as Notu said--it could be a great advantage to us."

"The Fire Nation has hurt all of us," Hakoda put in. "As a whole, their nation is after power and control. This Jeong Jeong is an important reminder that it is individuals that make up the nation, and some of those individuals may come to see the truth in what their country is doing."

"And you could forgive them for the wrongs they did with the Fire Nation?" Ursa's voice was almost harsh--but underneath that, she was far more upset than the situation seemed to warrant.

"Acceptance and forgiveness are very different things," Bato stated. "Sometimes, we have to accept something--or someone--that we might not be able to forgive."

"I believe that people can change," Hakoda said. "Everyone makes mistakes. This war has been going on for a hundred years, and the children grow up being taught that whatever side their parents are on is the right side. So I have to believe that even some people in the Fire Nation can learn differently. Everyone deserves a second chance."

"What if this man was responsible for the death of someone you loved?" Ursa's eyes went to Hakoda, and he immediately thought of Kya. "Would you give him a second chance?"

He didn't know how to answer that. If it was Kya's killer that was in question, would he be able to even accept the man? His first, loudest instinct was to say no. As Bato had said, there was a huge difference in acceptance and forgiveness. He had accepted her death, but he wasn't sure he would be able to accept the killer under any circumstance.

Maybe that was Ursa's conflict. Maybe, whoever her family had been and however she had lost them, it had happened in a way that she just couldn't accept anyone from the Fire Nation. "I don't know," he finally told her.

Her eyes slid away from his and she nodded as if she had expected that answer. She was silent the rest of the way to town.

The village was like any number that Hakoda had seen in his travels of the Earth Kingdom. At night, there weren't many people out and about. As he had predicted, the most noticeable crowd was going in and out of the tavern.

To draw less attention, Bato and Notu went inside first. Hakoda waited outside with Ursa for a few minutes, minding their own business as people came and went, and then they headed inside. Hakoda spotted Bato and Notu sitting at the back of the tavern, keeping an eye on the room. There were so many different types of people talking, laughing, and drinking that Bato and Notu fit right in.

Hakoda motioned Ursa, and they went up to the counter. There was a well-built man with a tattoo on his upper arm behind the counter. He barely glanced at them as he handed a glass to someone else. "What can I get for you folks?"

"We're looking for the owner," Hakoda explained.

"That's me."

Hakoda glanced at Ursa, who was studying the man as he moved around. Finally, she shook her head and murmured to Hakoda, "He's not any kind of bender as far as I can tell."

The owner handed over another drink and looked at Hakoda and Ursa. "Are you buying or not?"

"Actually, we're here for different reasons. May the sun shine upon your path."

The man's eyes brightened. "And may the moon guide your steps." He looked around furtively and leaned closer to them. "What can I do for you folks?"

"First, I have a warning. There are Fire Nation spies who have infiltrated the underground. We've come across two of them," Hakoda explained. "One of them kept mentioning this town under questioning, but we don't know why. We were sent to check on you and to find out if anything might be going on here."

"Spies," the man echoed, alarmed. "As if I didn't already have enough trouble sleeping at night!" He sighed and shook his head. "Thanks for the warning, friend. I don't know what could be going on here that's out of the ordinary. There are Fire Nation patrols that come through all the time--makes sense, being there's a town of 'em not far from here. They take away anyone who shows themselves an earthbender." He greeted a customer who walked up and got them a drink before turning back to Hakoda and Ursa. "There has been news of the Avatar that's come to my attention recently. See, the Fire Nation town was having a celebration a few days back, and from what I'm told, the Avatar caused a big stir there. That was when that Fire Nation admiral found more trouble than he knew what to do with. I hear he's got quite an obsession with capturing the Avatar."

"Does this Admiral have a name?" Hakoda asked.

"Zhao. Admiral Zhao."

Ursa visibly jerked at the mention of Admiral Zhao's name and Hakoda glanced at her. "Have you heard of this guy?"

She hesitated, and then nodded slowly. "I…yes. Yes, I have. Nothing good."

"Same here." The tavern owner shook his head. "Now, I don't know if you've seen the posters, but it seems not all the Fire Nation military thinks this war's a good thing. I hear there's this deserter--Jeong Jeong-- and he helped the Avatar. Somehow this ended up with Admiral Zhao's boats in flames and the Avatar escaping. Apparently, the guy's not too happy right now."

Hakoda frowned. "Have you ever met this Admiral Zhao?"

The owner snorted. "No, and I hope my luck holds out."

Hakoda felt pressure on his arm and tensed before realizing that Ursa was gripping him, her expression alert. Her eyes slid to his, and she whispered, "Firebender. Corner table on the left. He came in just after we did. He's trying not to be conspicuous, but he's definitely paying us attention. I don't know if he's alone--it's so crowded and I can't get a good look at how everyone's moving."

Hakoda was flooded with the heightened readiness that always came with the threat of danger. It took effort to keep from turning to look at the left corner. The owner of the tavern finished attending another customer, and when he faced them again, his words died in his throat. "What's wrong?"

"You have at least one firebender in your tavern," Hakoda told him.

"What?" the owner hissed, his gaze darting around the room.

Ursa's grip on Hakoda's arm tightened. "It's not us he keeps looking at--it's me. I need to leave," she said abruptly, letting go of Hakoda's arm. "I shouldn't have come. I'm a danger to everyone here."

Hakoda shook his head. "Ursa, we don't know where the firebender from the army base went, but it's jumping to conclusions to think that all the Fire Nation is on the lookout for you. Even if he had headed this way, it doesn't mean he's had time to spread the word about you."

"You don't understand." Ursa was apprehensive. More than that--she was frightened. Despite her calm voice, he could see the fear in her eyes. "I've put you all in danger."

Hakoda caught Bato's eye across the room and made a hand gesture. Bato nodded once, such a small movement that Hakoda doubted anyone else would notice, and Hakoda knew Bato understood that it was time to leave. Bato leaned forward and spoke to Notu, and they slowly rose from their seats.

Hakoda motioned Ursa toward the door and finally got a look at the man in the left corner. He was now on his feet, and he was definitely staring straight at Ursa.

Hakoda and Ursa took one more step before chaos exploded in the tavern. The firebender threw a blast of flame across the room. People shouted and scrambled to get away as the firebender quickly created a blazing wall across the inn, cutting Hakoda and Ursa off from the door--and from Bato and Notu. Hakoda glimpsed them through the fire, but their attention was occupied by the Fire Nation soldiers who burst in the front door. Flames were flying and people were fighting and it was hard to make out the details through the growing blaze. Hakoda had his own problems--the firebender who had started it all was approaching him and Ursa.

Hakoda moved in front of her, holding his club aloft. He could take on one firebender, and find a way to get out of here, get to Bato and Notu…but what about Ursa? She couldn't fight, and he had a responsibility to keep her safe, too.

The tavern owner suddenly jumped between Hakoda and the firebender. "I have a back entrance!" he told Hakoda. "Behind the counter, straight down the hall!"

When Hakoda hesitated, the owner shouted, "Don't worry about me! Get out of here! Go, go!" With an angry shout, the owner threw himself at the firebender.

Hakoda didn't waste anymore time. If Ursa hadn't been there, he would have stayed to fight, but if she was right and the firebender was after her, the quickest way to get trouble away from the people in the tavern was to leave. He turned, grabbing Ursa's hand and pulling her quickly around the counter toward the door. It led to a hallway with several rooms, with one door at the end.

The sounds of the fight in the tavern faded as Hakoda opened that door and stepped outside, still tugging Ursa behind him. He had barely begun to formulate a plan on what to do next when something slammed down on his head. He heard Ursa cry out and then blackness swallowed him.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 8

2009-10-23T14:03:00Z

I was going to post this last night, but I fell asleep before I could finish rewriting part of it. But hey, I got it done quickly anyway. ;)

Title: Guide Me Home
Characters/Pairing: Ursa/Hakoda
Summary: They were engulfed in war and had already lost so much when circumstance pulled them together. (Eventual Ursa/Hakoda, takes place during the show, without contradicting canon.)
Rating: T
Previous Chapters: (Chapter One) (Chapter Two) (Chapter Three) (Chapter Four) (Chapter Five) (Chapter Six) (Chapter Seven)

Chapter Eight - A Slippery Slope

General Ling and his soldiers had been unable to find their "Captain Gan," which meant that whoever Gan really worked for would now know that Ursa had been aiding the Earth Kingdom and could uncover firebenders.

That knowledge made Ursa's choice for her. She couldn't sit back and go into hiding. It wouldn't matter if she did--the Fire Nation would still believe she was working against them. Her best hope was to do everything she could to help discover the source of these firebender spies--or even if there was one source. Captain Gan had said he knew someone who would have use for a traitor, and though Ursa did not mention the traitor bit, she did tell General Ling that Gan had been taking her to someone.

Ursa and the Water Tribe remained at the army base for four more days. The firebender prisoner still in custody was questioned numerous times, but gave very little useful information. The information he did give was extremely dubious. Under the influence of the red spider-fly venom drug, he repeated the name of a town several times. It was thin information, and could be absolutely nothing. It could be a lie he was chanting to himself or he could have been hallucinating. Still, General Ling confirmed he knew of a member of the underground in this town, and it would be best to check on the situation.

"I would send a message to an Earth Kingdom base that's closer to the town and have them look into it, but if this is something relevant to the investigation, I don't want to alert any spies that may be in our ranks. You and your tribe, Chief Hakoda, I know I can trust," General Ling said. "This information could be nothing, but it's all we have and if you think it's worth looking into, I would appreciate your assistance. If nothing else, there's bound to be a lot of Fire Nation activity. This town is up north, and we are fairly sure that the Avatar is traveling somewhere in that vicinity."

Ursa watched Hakoda stiffen at this news and was certain he was thinking of his children.

"Another intelligence report came in," Ling continued. "The Avatar was recently seen in a market. There's a fisherman who claims the Avatar saved him during a storm. And wherever the Avatar is, there is bound to be Fire Nation pursuing him. So even if you are unable to find any further leads on these spies in our army and network, you will undoubtedly find other tasks in store for your warriors, Chief Hakoda." He turned to Ursa at this point. "However, if this lead on the spies in the Earth Kingdom goes nowhere and the Water Tribe ends up needing to change tactics, it may not be safe for you, Lady Ursa."

Ursa wondered if Ling realized how ridiculous that statement was. "Tell me, General Ling, where is safe? I've been undercover for the Earth Kingdom for years now; I think I can adapt to whatever situation arises. I've yet to find somewhere in this world that has ever stayed safe for me. I think I'll take my chances." She looked quickly at Hakoda. "If you still agree to take me. I may not be much of a fighter, but I'm very good at blending in and being inconspicuous."

Hakoda nodded. "I believe that. And yes, your knowledge and experience would be very helpful, particularly if we do run into Fire Nation spies."

The journey to their destination was supposed to be two weeks of sailing, give or take a few days depending on the weather. It was there that they would rendezvous with the missing and much talked about Bato. Hakoda had sent him a message from the army base with a map to the rendezvous point.

Even though the Water Tribe men were nothing but kind and welcoming, Ursa felt out of place, like she was intruding on their normality. They were a group of men who hadn't been in the regular company of a woman for a long time, and she wondered how much she might be inconveniencing them.

She got to know some of them a little better than others--it seemed that all three ships had a set group of warriors on board, and as she was back on the same ship, she was again with the same group of men. This didn't mean the men on the other ships were out of touch--there were a lot of messages, conversations, and jokes called back and forth between the boats.

Mikko cleared out a tiny cabin used for storing food and water. He put the supplies in the men's bunker and stuffed some blankets in the storage area so that Ursa had somewhere to sleep below deck. The space was so small that she couldn't even lie straight, but she appreciated the gesture and the privacy. She stacked the extra clothes General Ling had provided her in a corner; other than those clothes and a few other supplies given to her for her journey, she had no belongings. The only other possession she had was the white lotus Pai Sho tile that she had found in Misaki's home. She didn't really know why she was keeping it tucked into her pocket at all times, except that it reminded her of Misaki and of just one more reason she was determined to help get to the bottom of this.

Zuko and Azula were on her mind more than ever. She kept hearing Captain Gan's words to her over and over again about Zuko being weak. If only she had some idea what was happening to her children. If only she could know that Gan's discovery of her wouldn't get back to Ozai. She had no idea what would happen if Ozai did hear about it, if her actions would make him decide to rescind his bargain with her. It was the greatest of her fears.

After two days of feeling very useless and even more restless, Ursa approached Hakoda and asked him if there was anything she could do to help. She desperately needed something to do to keep her from going stir-crazy and thinking of all the what-ifs.

"Anything," she said. "If I’m going to be staying with you, I should help with chores, too."

Hakoda eyed her speculatively before nodding. "How much do you know about sailing?"

"Not much. My--" Ursa hesitated, wondering if any bit of information about her past was safe. After a brief inward struggle, she continued, "My grandfather--my mother's father--sailed. I went on a trip with him for a week when I was a child. It didn't go very well."

"Oh?"

"He was a very rich man. He didn't want me to dirty myself or somehow lower my status by actually doing any kind of 'servant's work.' He wouldn't even let his servants teach me to fish. To say I was bored would be an understatement."

"Have you learned to fish off of a boat since then?"

"No. I didn't even go fishing back in Huang--I just bought what I needed from the market."

"Well, then, fishing is a good place to start. We already know you don't mind a little dirt and smell." Hakoda winked at her, and as he turned away and motioned her to follow, she found a smile on her face. It felt almost foreign, and she realized how many days it had been since she had truly had anything to make her smile.

Over the next two weeks, she began to learn a lot: how to catch fish, how to operate various parts of the ship, how to tie proper knots, how to patch up a net, how to do laundry on a crowded boat. She was also introduced to some very important aspects of the Water Tribe: games and food. There was one game all the men played involving marbles and cards, and Ursa turned out to be very good at it. She'd always been good at games and numbers, and beating men who had been playing it for years was…fun. It was fun and it made her feel both strange and a little guilty. Strange because "fun" wasn't exactly a word she ever used to describe something in her life, and guilty because things were horrible and having fun seemed almost treacherous to the people she loved whose fates were unknown.

The food was mostly the dried and stored goods on board, but at the end of their second week of sailing, when they were very close to their destination, they were near enough to shore to dock. They stopped on an abandoned beach to find a stream to restock their fresh water and cook a hot meal. Ursa was dubious about the smell of one huge pot of food the Water Tribe men were cooking, but she took the bowl offered to her, did her best to quell her nausea at the stench, and took a bite.

Despite her best efforts, she almost choked as she swallowed. "Dear spirits, what is this?" It was somehow sour and bitter and really salty all at once, and left a horrible aftertaste in her mouth.

The men laughed at her as she stared down at her bowl, wondering if her stomach would rebel if she attempted another bite and wondering how rude it would be if she declined to eat it.

"Good, isn't it?" Hakoda asked with a hint of mischief in his voice.

Stubbornly, she chewed another bite with a remarkably straight face. "Delicious."

Hakoda laughed again and handed her another bowl. "Try that instead. Fish soup. It might be more suited to your tastes. I've found stewed sea prunes are something most people outside of the Water Tribe don't like. And I admit, these stewed sea prunes aren't nearly as good as my daughter makes them." There was that hint of wistfulness in his voice, one that was very familiar to Ursa.

Later that night, as they resumed their journey, Ursa sat on deck, not yet tired enough to cram herself into her little cubby. She watched some of the warriors talking to each other. Hakoda was among them, and she studied his profile as he nodded at something that Ronook was saying. She found herself watching him quite a lot lately. As much as she liked talking and interacting with any of the Water Tribe warriors, or listening to their stories of home and family and snow (which was as foreign to her as these people), there was something different about their chief. Or maybe it wasn't that anything was different, but that some aspects of her life were very similar. Maybe she was drawn to him because he had suffered the loss of his wife and was separated from him children and she understood some of that loss. Maybe it was just that he seemed to know what to say and how to say it--his gentle teasing and his insights made her feel…comfortable.

No, it was more than that. It made her feel like she belonged, and that was something she didn't understand. The closest she had come to ever feeling like she belonged like this had been during her visits with Misaki. Even back in the Fire Nation, even when her family had been young and happy, she had never known this kind of friendship--this kind of giving. As a noble in the Fire Nation, and then later as royalty, everything had always been about taking, with other nobles always trying to gain better standing, higher positions. Lies, manipulation, blackmail, bribery--sometimes she was positive that a den of thieves was a safer place than a royal court.

And she wondered how she had managed to live that life herself.

Hakoda looked over at her and she suddenly realized she was staring at him. She quickly averted her gaze and folded her hands tightly on her lap. She had to be careful. It was hard to hold onto her guard all the time with the Water Tribe and she knew she had to be wary with just how comfortable she got. Trust was a slippery slope, and she knew just how far it was possible to fall.

She heard footsteps on the deck and knew before she even glanced up that it was Hakoda. He sat down beside her and nodded over at Ronook and Tamoru. "You should feel honored. They're starting a bet about you."

She blinked at him in surprise. "What?"

He nodded seriously. "They're debating how long it will take before we make you crazy enough to jump ship."

Ursa wasn't sure if he was serious or not, so she just looked at him uncertainly. With Hakoda, sometimes it was hard to tell if he was teasing. "How do you do it?"

"Do what? Make someone crazy enough to jump ship?"

"Live with such…optimism." Ursa folded her arms across her chest. "All of you. You've lost so much. Your people have lost so much. You haven't seen your families in two years, but you can laugh and joke and seem so happy."

Hakoda was quiet for so long that she thought he wouldn’t answer, but at last he replied, "We still have more to live for. As much as we've lost, we can't lose sight of what we still have. If you can't find joy, then the worries and fears will take over and you'll lose sight of the good in life." He waved at the other men still on deck. "We find the good in what we have right now. Sometimes that's all you can do to keep from losing hope."

With effort, she dragged her eyes away from his, fixing them on the water. "Hoping too much can end badly. Nothing lasts in this life."

"Some things last."

"When you lose your family, your home, your friends, when you lose everything you thought you knew and believed in and you're completely alone, there isn't much room to find something that lasts. I fight because I have to, because maybe there's a chance that I can gain back something. Because maybe my failures and mistakes can one day mean something."

The words burst out of her and left her breathless. That was more than she had said to anyone except Misaki, and she immediately wished she had kept her mouth shut. She was slipping. One look at the understanding expression on Hakoda's face and she realized just how dangerous he was to her carefully constructed inner walls.

Taking a deep breath, she waited a few seconds until she was calmer, and her voice was much more controlled when she spoke again. "When your life is nothing but lies, it's hard to find hope." She fixed him with a hard stare. "Everyone lies. Even if it's not an outright lie, but a manipulation, everyone does it. Sometimes people have to keep the full truth quiet to protect someone they love--like when you protected the knowledge of your daughter's waterbending."

"Aside from protecting my daughter, do you think I lie to you?" Hakoda didn't look offended, only curious.

"Not directly."

"What do you mean?"

Ursa's hands tightened in her lap. She should have stopped talking long ago. She shouldn't have started this in the first place. "You have been nothing but kind to me."

"That wasn't an answer." Hakoda swiveled so he was facing her directly, and it was his piercing gaze that finally pushed the next words out of her mouth.

"It's like when you said you wouldn't stand guard at my door that night on the army base. You kept your word--you didn't stand guard, and you didn't even send anyone else to stand guard, but I woke up and found Ornu patrolling the hallway."

A frown settled on Hakoda's face. "I didn't realize it had upset you. This was three weeks ago. Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"There was no reason. I'm not upset about it. I'm just making a point that you can say one thing and mean it, but find other ways around it. Sometimes that can be a good thing. Sometimes it can tear someone's life apart." Ursa paused. "I'm not incompetent, Hakoda. I know it may seem like I am from your perspective, because I keep ending up being chased or captured by firebenders--"

"I know you're not incompetent. If you were incompetent, you would be dead. Ursa, while you are working and traveling with our tribe, you fall under the same care and protection that we would give each other. You don't know me as well as my men do--they would have known that under the circumstances, any of us would set a patrol. I should have told you that, and I didn't, because you seemed to already have enough to worry about. We're all competent warriors, but we rely on each other to watch one another's backs. I wasn't trying to mislead you or lull you into a false sense of security so you'd go to sleep and I could have Ornu stare at your door all night. Of course I didn't want anything to happen to you, but I didn't want to be caught unaware and have anything happen to my men, either. The quarters we were staying in were in the same hallway as your room.

"You already know the only secret I had, and that's apparently not such a secret anymore since Katara left the South Pole and her identity as a waterbender is turning up Earth Kingdom army reports." His eyes were locked on hers, searching and open. "I promise you that I won't do anything that would willingly mislead you in the future, and I promise I will not ever lie to you."

Promises are worthless. Ursa didn't say it, but she looked away. "You can't promise that."

"I think I just did."

It doesn't mean anything.

It couldn't mean anything. As much as her heart was suddenly tugging at her in a familiar, yet very strange way, as much as she would have liked to believe him, she knew. She knew that in the end, promises were always broken and lives were shattered. And she knew that if Hakoda meant it and could somehow keep any promises he made, then he was a man who shouldn't even be dealing with her. What right did she possibly have to accuse him of any sort of lie when her entire life was one giant web of lies? Why should she hope for honesty when her secrets and manipulations and sins were too numerous to count?

She was such a hypocrite. She didn't deserve promises--whether they were kept or not--and she certainly didn't deserve the kindness and care that any of the Water Tribe men had given her.

She jumped when Hakoda put a hand on her shoulder, his eyes concerned. She wondered what he saw in her face that could make him look that worried, and she experienced such a surge of guilt and something else, something dangerous, something that she would bury at all costs. She stood up abruptly, her heart racing and her palms sweaty. "Hakoda." Her voice sounded thick, and she cleared her throat. "It was very unfair of me to discuss any of this after everything you have done for me."

"Actually, I think it was a good thing. I learned a little more about you, and maybe you learned a little bit about me." He looked at her shrewdly. "I'm not asking for your unconditional trust. I don't think you would give it to me. I think you have your own secrets that you're unwilling to share. I'm not asking you to tell me what they are. I'm not asking for you to promise anything in return. I'm only telling you that I will not lie to you."

Nothing was unconditional. Part of her wanted to ask what he thought he had learned about her, but the rest of her knew she had to get away from him right then. She couldn't stand to have him look at her the way he was looking at her anymore, as if she was actually worthy of something. "I think I should get some sleep. Good night, Hakoda."

"Good night."

She went down to her tiny sleeping space as fast as she could, hastily replying "good night" to Tamoru and Ronook as she passed them. She curled up in her dark storage closet and breathed in the now-familiar smell of fish and other food scents she couldn't distinguish. Her hands were clenched in fists so tightly that her nails dug into her palms.

It took her a long time to fall asleep, but with as conflicted as she felt, she wasn't surprised when she again dreamed of her past, of that night that had taken everything from her and set her on this path.

Ursa was numb. No, not numb--she was dizzy and lightheaded. She had just killed a man. Not only had she killed a man, she had killed the Firelord. The leader of her nation. Her father-in-law.

She told herself that she'd had to do it. She had put herself in a corner and it had become the only way to save Zuko. She told herself that the man she had killed had ordered his son to kill his grandson and that such a person deserved death. She told herself a lot of things, but it didn't stop the racing of her heart or the sick guilt swimming in her stomach. It didn't stop her from wondering what right she had to judge the worth of another person's life, no matter what they were plotting. It didn't stop her from throwing up in one of the flowering bushes in the open walkway between the main part of the palace and her family's private quarters.

She braced her hands on her knees and took heavy breaths. Stars flashed before her eyes and she fought to keep from passing out. Her recent words to Zuko about moms biting back when their children were threatened rose to her mind. She had done more than bite.

Her stomach heaved again, but she clenched her teeth and slowly straightened. Wiping her mouth, she continued into her family's wing of the palace. One step at a time, every footstep seeming to weigh a hundred pounds.

She stopped outside the first bedroom. Azula's room. She knew what she had to do, but everything in her screamed against it. How could she just leave her children behind? How could she leave them to the depravity of their father? Azula was already showing worrying signs--signs that Ursa had seen hints of, but was now beginning to wonder if she had actually been seeing the whole picture. Azula could be a sweet girl, but Ursa had seen glimpses of manipulation and lack of empathy starting to grow.

But Azula was her child, the same little girl she had held and sang to, who she had nursed and played with, who had drawn her pictures and given her flowers. This was the little girl Ursa was terrified for--as she had been terrified for Zuko's life, Ursa was terrified for Azula's very state of being. She had always been her father's daughter, always craved Ozai's approval more than Ursa's. If Ursa just left, what would Azula become? Would the roots that Ursa had tried to plant in both her children grow, or would they be choked out by everything else? Who would teach her daughter to become a woman if she wasn't around to do it?

Ursa cracked open the door to Azula's room. Her daughter was sound asleep in her bed, her hair splayed out across her pillow. She looked so peaceful when she slept.

Ursa stepped into the room and crossed quickly to Azula's bed. She suspected Ozai was lurking somewhere nearby, and she knew she didn't have much time. "Azula." Ursa took Azula by the shoulders and pulled her upright, watching her blink open tired eyes. "Azula, darling."

"Mom? What are you doing in my room?" Azula wiped her eyes, then froze when Ursa hugged her tightly.

"Azula, I need you to remember how much I love you. No matter what happens, no matter what you learn or what other people tell you, I love you and I believe in you. You have so much potential, Azula. Potential for good and beauty and life--everything this nation should stand for."

"Mom, you're being really strange," Azula mumbled.

Ursa gently set her back on her pillow and smoothed her hair. "Don't forget. Trust is far more precious than fear, and so much harder to grasp." She stood, turning one last look back at Azula as she walked out the door and into the next room.

Zuko looked even more sleepy than Azula when she woke him, and he stared at her with dazed eyes. "Mom?"

Ursa drew on every bit of strength that she thought she had left. She had to be strong. She had to leave him with this, and she had to hope that he and Azula would someday find understanding. Zuko would be next in line for the throne; his understanding would be everything to this country. "Zuko. Please, my love, listen to me. Everything I've done," she said, pulling him into a hug, "I've done to protect you. Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are."

With a smile for the child she had just sacrificed everything for, she drew the hood of her cloak over her head and left his room. Her smile slipped and the last vestiges of her strength seemed to drop out from under her.

And there was Ozai, standing in the shadows of the hall. She walked past him without sparing him another look. "It's done."

She had been wrong. Her world was not just shattered into pieces; those pieces had been ground up and thrown to the wind.

Maybe one day her children would be able to forgive her for leaving them behind. Maybe one day they would learn and understand. Maybe her sacrifice--of her home, her family, of putting blood on her hands--would matter.

Maybe one day, she would be able to forgive herself.

She wasn't counting on it.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 7

2009-10-21T15:40:06Z

Chapter Seven - Crossing Paths

Ursa had never seen the town of Gaoling, and her first view of it was not ideal. The firebender who had her prisoner shoved her quickly down the hill that led to town. It had only been a ten minute walk from the army base, and Ursa's hopes that someone would come to help had grown slimmer with each passing moment. She didn't know why she should expect help. Her life was one that always demanded self-sufficiency. Even the Water Tribe recently coming to her rescue had been far from ordinary.

"Do you really think you'll be able to carry on normally back at the army base? Don't you think someone will suspect if I just disappear?" Ursa asked quietly as they walked, expecting to be told to shut up. Maybe being far enough away from the army base made her captor more confident, because he answered.

"No, I don't. From what I can tell, you're a big unknown to all of these people. The Water Tribe and the soldiers--they don't really know what you would do or how you would act. So you wanted to go to Gaoling and quietly disappear. They'll never know, and you won't be able to point me out as a firebender."

Ursa clenched her teeth. He was right. He could take her wherever he wanted and return to the base; he could weave a story of lies and no one would have reason to doubt him. "The Fire Nation will lose."

"Against and Earth Kingdom who can't even recognize a firebender in their midst? Against an Avatar who's a kid? I think you chose the wrong side. I guess we know who Prince Zuko inherited his weakness from, don't we?"

Ursa sucked in a sharp breath before she could stop herself. It had been five years since she'd heard any news about her children, and she desperately wanted to know what this man meant by Zuko's weakness. She kept quiet, waiting to see if he would continue.

"You should have just kept your nose out of--"

There was a loud rumbling noise directly behind Ursa, and a shout from the firebender--but the yell was no longer near her. Ursa cautiously turned her head and saw that a huge chunk of earth had jutted out of the ground and had propelled the firebender back through the air.

Her gaze darted around for the earthbender who had helped her as her mind screamed at her to run. She had barely taken a step, however, when the ground opened underneath her. She dropped down and landed painfully, unable to use her hands to brace her fall. Then the earth sealed above her, leaving her in complete darkness.

Coughing and struggling to her feet, Ursa smacked headfirst into a wall. At least the room or tunnel or wherever she was had enough space that she could stand straight without hitting her head.

"I thought you could use some help."

Ursa jumped at the sudden voice in the dark. She turned slowly toward the person who had spoken. "Thank you."

"Just be glad I was walking under you at the right time." The voice was very high and young--a child. Ursa was fairly sure that it was a girl.

Ursa was starting to breathe more easily as her mind accepted that she was, for the moment, safe again. All of the being in danger, out of danger, back in danger of the past days was frustrating and frightening, and surreal at times. She kept trying to focus on what she had to do next, just to keep herself going. And right now, she had to get back to the army base, and fast. She had to warn General Ling. The implications of what had just happened to her were enormous.

Despite all the heavy thoughts and emotions weighing on her, she heard herself asking, as if from somewhere very far away, "How did you know I needed help if you didn't see me?"

For some reason, that brought a short laugh from the girl. "I heard you talking. You sounded scared, and besides, your big friend sounded like a bully. I don't like bullies. And your heart was beating really fast."

Ursa wasn't sure how to respond to that. She didn't even know what a child would be doing wandering around underground in the middle of the night, or how she could know that Ursa's heart had been beating fast, and thought it might be best to not pry. She cleared her throat. "Well, thank you. Might I ask for your help again? My hands are tied, and I need to get back to the Earth Kingdom army base. That man you saved me from took me from there."

The girl heaved a sigh. "Fine. I'll get you back to the base and then you're on your own. Got it? I don't have time to rescue you again tonight."

There was a touch on Ursa's arm from a small hand, and then the girl was working on the ropes. It wasn't long before they slid off of Ursa's wrists. She gratefully rubbed feeling back into them, until the girl took her arm and tugged. "I just said I don't have all night, so if you want a tour, you've got the wrong girl."

Ursa had no idea how the girl could possibly know where she was going, but she moved through the pitch black so quickly that Ursa felt disoriented. It was hard to go quickly through a space she couldn't see; her equilibrium was thrown off and she kept expecting to run into something. The only sounds Ursa could hear were her own short breaths and the earth moving as her guide created tunnels to walk through.

"Okay, here we are. Try to avoid getting into trouble in the future." The girl dropped Ursa's arm.

"Wait! Will you at least tell me your name?"

There was a moment's silence, and then the girl replied, "Toph."

"Toph," Ursa repeated. "Thank you for all your help."

Toph earthbended an opening above Ursa's head and then thrust the piece of ground Ursa was standing on upward, depositing her in fresh air. It was dark, but not the blinding darkness of the tunnel. Ursa could see trees and the outside of the rocks surrounding the army base. Looking around hastily, she ran for the rocks, and was quickly stopped by two soldiers who popped out of nowhere. She recognized them as the same soldiers who had allowed her captor to leave the base with her only a short while ago.

They looked at her in surprise. "Lady Ursa? Didn't Captain Gan just escort you to Gaoling?" one of them asked.

Ursa bit back the urge to scream at the man that no, this 'Captain Gan' was a firebender who had dragged her out of bed at knifepoint and could be anywhere at the moment. Instead, with a calmness that she certainly didn't feel, she said, "I need to see General Ling immediately. It's an emergency."

She still did not feel safe as they opened the entrance and brought her back into the army base. What if there were other firebenders? It was unlikely, but she wasn't going to discount it. She no longer had any idea how many firebenders were involved in infiltrating the Earth Kingdom, but she'd met two in only a matter of days. She was feeling a little bit paranoid. More than that, the full impact of what had just happened was settling in. A firebender had discovered her true identity. If he had any brains at all, he would not be coming back to the army base. He had lost her, but he still knew who she was and he knew she was working with the Earth Kingdom.

This had the potential to be very, very bad if it got back to Ozai that she was working against him.

"Ursa?"

Ursa's head jerked upward toward a second-floor balcony. Several faces were peering down at her--Mikko and Hakoda, she realized. Part of her relaxed just the slightest bit. She was positive that none of the Waterbenders, at least, had any traitors among them, and they were perhaps the only people she could say she had no reason to fear at this moment.

"Are you okay?" Mikko called down. "We saw you come in--we didn't even know you had left!"

Ursa bit back the ridiculous urge to either laugh or cry--she wasn't sure which, but neither was appropriate. "I found another firebender." She shook her head. "He found me. I'm going to talk to General Ling."

:--:--:--:--:

"So Sokka and Katara are with the Avatar," Mikko said thoughtfully as he followed Hakoda out to one of the balconies attached to their rooms. Inside, most of the Water Tribe was sleeping, though a few were still awake.

"That's what the report says."

There was a silence as Mikko gazed at Hakoda for a moment before smiling. He clapped a hand on Hakoda's shoulder. "The Avatar couldn't be in better hands."

Hakoda stared out at the dark army base where two soldiers walked the grounds, keeping watch. There was a mixture of pride and worry in him when he finally said, "I know." Sokka and Katara were resourceful and smart, and he knew they would do everything they could to keep learning and to acclimate to the world away from the South Pole. They would protect each other and the Avatar.

But they would still have the Fire Nation after them, actively pursuing them.

Keep them safe, he thought, not sure who he was asking. If only he could be there with his children, helping them. His fingers grasped the hard stone of the balcony railing. Keep them safe.

"As soon as I find out where General Ling wants us to go, I'm sending a message to Bato to tell him where to meet us," Hakoda added.

Mikko nodded. "It will be good to have him back."

It would be more than good. He was Hakoda's brother in all the ways that mattered, and the lack of his presence was felt more strongly every day. "We should find out--"

He stopped talking something caught his attention. The two guards suddenly opened the ground underneath their feet and disappeared into the earth. It wasn't long before an opening was made in the rock around the army base, and then the two guards were coming back inside, with a third person between them. Even from up on the balcony in the darkness, Hakoda could see that it was Ursa.

Mikko leaned onto the railing. "Is that Ursa? Did you know she left?" Without waiting for Hakoda to answer, he called, "Ursa!"

Her head jerked upwards. It was too dark to really see her face, but Hakoda had a growing sense of alarm that something was very wrong. When Mikko asked her if she was okay, her answer to him was anything but okay. As soon as she continued walking toward the base, Hakoda turned and ran through the guest rooms, heading for the exit.

The other few men who were awake stood in alarm or looked at him with wary expressions. "What's wrong?" Pika asked, already gripping his club.

"That's what I'm trying to find out." Hakoda was out the door, and wasn't surprised when Pika and Mikko both came out after him.

"It's Ursa," Mikko explained.

That put even more worry in Pika's eyes. No other words were said; they weren't needed. Ursa had been taken under the protection of the Water Tribe the instant she had run into them that night in Huang, and that protection hadn't disappeared just because they'd arrived at an army base.

"I'll find out what's going on," Hakoda assured. "Just keep a close eye out."

He left them talking outside the rooms and hurried for the stairs. He reached the main hall just as Ursa was entering it. She glanced at him, and in the light of the torches on the wall, Hakoda saw that she was covered in dirt. She didn't speak, and her expression seemed unwelcoming of discussion.

Hakoda kept his silence as he went along with Ursa and her escort to see General Ling, and he listened in shock as Ursa told them how she'd been taken away at knifepoint by a firebender.

"Captain Gan, a firebender?" Ling looked stunned. "He's been with me for six months! The intelligence he must have picked up…the position we put him in…how could this happen?" Then his eyes widened, and he hastily issued orders for several soldiers to go check on the firebender prisoner, and he commanded several of his earthbenders to go immediately to Gaoling and hunt for Captain Gan. As his orders were obeyed, Ling nodded at Ursa. "Please, Lady Ursa, continue."

She told of her short trip to Gaoling, and how she'd been saved by a young earthbender who had brought her back to the base. "I don't know what happened to your Captain Gan, but if he's smart, he won't come back here." Ursa rubbed the bridge of her nose, looking utterly spent.

A soldier came hurrying in to inform Ling that the firebender prisoner was still safely in captivity.

"That's not surprising," Ursa said. "Captain Gan planned on being able to come back. If he wanted to help your prisoner, he could have done it after he got rid of me."

Ling paced back and forth across the room. "The situation has grown more urgent than ever. Lady Ursa, it is now vital that you examine each of my men and determine whether they, too, are firebenders."

Hakoda spoke up. "It's unlikely there would be two firebender spies put here. It would be a pretty stupid move on the Fire Nation's part. Not that I'm crediting them with an abundance of brilliance."

"Still, better safe than sorry. Lady Ursa, it's obvious that you're in need of rest, but I wonder if I could have one more favor from you before you sleep. I have very few men on my base who are not earthbenders. If you could see them now and make sure they are not also firebenders."

Hakoda stayed quiet, looking at Ursa, who looked ready to topple over. She nodded. "I can do it now." As General Ling went to summon the non-earthbenders on base, Ursa glanced at Hakoda. "You don't have to be here."

Hakoda shrugged. "How could I pass up on all the excitement?"

Ursa looked away. "I could pass up on all the excitement."

It didn't take long for the non-earthbenders to arrive, and Hakoda watched Ursa examine each one carefully. She dismissed the first three, and then frowned at the fourth. "You're an earthbender." She turned to General Ling. "A test, I suppose?"

He seemed pleased. "I wanted to be certain of your abilities."

Finally, Ursa had gone through the line of men in the room, picking out three men as earthbenders and twelve as non-earthbenders, and fortunately for everyone, non-firebenders.

"Thank you, Lady Ursa. Chief Hakoda, would you take charge of Ursa's protection tonight?" General Ling said.

"Of course," Hakoda said, at the same moment that Ursa said, "I'll be fine."

Hakoda looked at her, and she stared back, unflinching. "I don't need a guard," she continued firmly.

He could have argued that particular point--from what he'd seen, she could have used a guard lately--but he knew enough to keep his mouth shut. "Perhaps you'll do me the honor of allowing me to escort you to your quarters?"

Ursa considered him, and then nodded tiredly. She fell into step beside him as they walked back toward the second floor. She shook out her sleeves and sent dirt flying. Sighing, she said, "I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible for my clothes to stay clean for more than a few hours." There was something in her tone, uncertainty or fear, something he couldn't quite pinpoint, but which was raw and which Ursa was doing her best to cover. Maybe her emotional shields weren't holding up as well as usual under the strain of her exhaustion and after everything that had just happened.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"I'm fine," Ursa said brusquely. "How else would I be?" She stopped in front of a door down the hallway from the Water Tribe quarters. "This is my room." She turned to go inside, but Hakoda put a hand on her elbow, bringing her to a halt.

Ursa quickly pulled her arm away from his touch, folding her arms tightly against herself. Her eyes were red-rimmed and she was trembling slightly with exhaustion. "I don't know what to do now." She grimaced and closed her eyes briefly. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything. And there's nothing wrong with sharing your burdens with other people."

"Maybe not for you and your friends."

Hakoda frowned at her. "Not for you, either."

She seemed like she might say something, but she finally just sighed. "I can't even think anymore. I just… need to sleep. Provided no more firebenders wake me up."

"They won't."

Ursa narrowed her eyes. "You're not going to stand guard outside my room."

"No, I'm not."

She still looked suspicious, but went into her room. "Good night, Hakoda."

"Good night, Ursa."

Hakoda waited until her door was shut, and then walked down the hall to the Water Tribe rooms. Once there, he woke up his men to fill them in on the situation, and then sent Ornu to patrol the hallway--which included Ursa's door. They wouldn't stand guard, but they'd sure keep a close watch.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 6

2009-10-02T05:08:28Z

Chapter Six - Time and Again

After returning to the room that she had been given at the Earth Kingdom base, Ursa paced around the small space, her mind full of new thoughts. From the supposed information given by the firebender to news on the Avatar and how it involved Hakoda's children.

She didn't know if she believed a word out of the firebender's mouth. Yes, his story made sense, but the drug the Earth Kingdom had used was, as she had told the general, unreliable. It had been around in the Fire Nation for years, and she was well-versed on the effects it had. She just wished that she could get some substantial information on Misaki.

And if wishes were ostrich horses we could ride into a sunset of rainbows, she thought caustically, pinching the bridge of her nose. Sighing, she sank down onto the hard rock bed and folded her hands into her opposite sleeves. The sun had long since set and the only light came in through the open windows and a door that led out to a small balcony. She missed her inn. She missed Huang. She missed the friendly faces of familiar neighbors. And the older, deeper ache of places and people she missed was only made worse by the fresh hurts.

She stared out through the door to the balcony; she could make out the shapes of trees and mountains in the light of the moon and stars. What now? General Ling was going to want an answer from her. If she proved to him that she could call out earthbenders, then he wanted her to work with Hakoda and see if she could help find more firebenders in the underground. There were so many problems with that. Yes, she had been fighting against the Fire Nation for years now, but she had been doing it subtly. She had been avoiding, as much as possible, exposure to anyone from the Fire Nation. To anyone who might recognize her.

She'd had more than one moment of panic since the Fire Nation patrols had started coming through Huang. Every time firebenders had stepped into her inn, she had been afraid that one of the soldiers would recognize her. She hadn't exactly led an inconspicuous life within the Fire Nation. Granted, most people probably didn't expect her to be tromping around the Earth Kingdom wearing their clothes and with their hairstyles. And since leaving the Fire Nation, she had never been so grateful that her father had given her the name Ursa. It was an Earth Kingdom name, and before he died, he had told her that she had been given such a name to remind her that the four nations were meant to be joined hand in hand. If she'd had a Fire Nation name, she would have had to go by a false identity in the Earth Kingdom. It had been a comfort that she could at least still be Ursa, and at the time she had been banished, anything familiar had been a significant comfort to her.

She had always been careful, though. What General Ling was asking of her would send her out looking for firebenders. Yet…could she really say no? The Water Tribe would undoubtedly continue carrying out their task, and she had the ability to offer them help that they wouldn't find from a whole lot of people.

With another sigh, she lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She had to think about it. It had been a very long week and all she wanted to do was sleep and not think about anything, but all she could do was think.

Her thoughts moved onto the Avatar. His reappearance was significant to the whole world, but for her, it held even more meaning. It was not well-known--in fact, it was something that not even her own children knew--that her grandfather had been Avatar Roku. Ursa had very fuzzy details about his life and death. She remembered her father telling her about her heritage before he died, remembered that he had talked about betrayal, and she wished that she could remember more. She wished she had thought to pursue the matter more deeply when she had been in the Fire Nation.

Her parents had both died when she was four, and she had been taken in and raised by her mother's sister, who had done her best to avoid any of Ursa's questions about her heritage. It had been as though she wanted to sweep it away under the carpet and make Ursa forget about it. "Some questions can bring more trouble than you want, Ursa. There are some matters that will only bring all of us that trouble, and you don't want that, do you? Of course not. You're a good girl. You have a good life with me. You have influence and standing in the Fire Nation. Be grateful and keep your silence about your father's family, for all our sakes."

Her aunt had always looked wary and even a little scared whenever Ursa spoke of her father's family, and so Ursa had learned to stop asking questions and just live the life in court that her aunt wanted for her. Being the Avatar's granddaughter was something that was better left quiet, and she had only ever told two people in her life about it: her husband and her brother-in-law.

But now the Avatar was back. Her grandfather, reborn and walking around. A new body, a new mind, new life and loves and dreams, but supposedly there was something of her grandfather still within the new Avatar. It was a strange thought--one that had the potential to be both disconcerting and comforting.

He was still a child, though, and she knew the Fire Nation would be doing their best to capture him. Which also meant that Hakoda's children would be in equal danger, if they were with him. Perhaps more danger, because if she knew anything about Ozai and how he operated, he would want the Avatar alive, to prevent him from being reborn. He wouldn't care one way or another about two Water Tribe children.

Ursa covered her face with her hands. If only she hadn't been so blind for so long. This was her fault, too--everything that Ozai did might have been stopped if she had made different choices.

She wasn't even aware of falling asleep, except that she was dreaming again. The same horrible, vivid reliving of her past, and even though she knew that it had already happened, even though she was aware that she was just dreaming, she could do nothing to change it. And this time there was no one to see her thrashing and wake her from her nightmare.

She saw it all again: confronting Ozai, throwing out the possibility of a plan to spare Zuko's life. Then the memory continued.

"You know what this will mean for you." Ozai still held Ursa pinned against the wall, one hand pressed against her upper chest and shoulder, the other one still held in a threatening fist, as though he would use it against her if he heard something he didn't like.

Ursa's head spun. Her spur-of-the moment plan had bought her a few minutes, but now what was she to do? Maybe if she could get Zuko and Azula, sneak them out of the palace before Ozai realized--

Maybe it was too late for that. He would be watching; Ozai was not stupid. This was her fault. If she had paid more attention…if she had noticed earlier…taken her children far away before it came to this…

If she had let herself notice earlier, then maybe they wouldn't be here right now. If she had accepted that she and Ozai had started down a different paths a long time ago, if she had done more, if, if, if.

"It means," Ozai continued, "that you will be banished. You will be a traitor to the Fire Nation. It is your plan and it will be your deed and I will wash my hands of it."

"And of me." She sounded numb, probably because there was still part of her that couldn't believe this was happening. It was all too fast, too unreal.

"You're unfit to rule at my side."

She understood. She might have been living a disillusioned life for a long time, but faced with the truth, she couldn’t deny the facts. She wasn't stupid, either. If she were to carry out her own plan, then she was automatically a threat to Ozai. If she could kill one Firelord, she could kill another one, and Ozai would not risk it.

"There will be a ship in the harbor tonight. It will take you to the Earth Kingdom. I suggest you leave quickly." The pressure of Ozai's hand on her chest as he held her to the wall grew so tight it hurt. "And Ursa? If you try to take Zuko and Azula, I guarantee you will regret it."

Of course he had guessed what she planned. Of course he would realize that she wasn't going to leave the country without her children. "Do you really think I'm going to just leave them with you?"

"Maybe you don't understand. I am going to be Firelord. Zuko and Azula will be heirs to the throne, cherished by their people. I will not suffer them to be taken from me by my treasonous wife. You will disappear quietly, and people will think nothing of it because you are nothing to them. My children, on the other hand, are a bright hope to this country."

"A bright hope that you were going to kill!"

"I've no reason to harm Zuko if you carry through your proposal, do I, Ursa? This is my bargain. I will keep my promise not to kill either child if I am Firelord."

"Because you're so good at keeping promises."

"Let me make this very clear." A flash of fire and burning, burning heat were all the warning Ursa had, but she could do nothing to stop Ozai. His hand, still against her chest and shoulder, was searing into her skin. She smelled burned clothing and flesh, and couldn't stop her agonized cry.

The flames disappeared as quickly as they had come, but Ozai's hand was still pressed against her charred skin. His eyes weren't cold, Ursa realized as she took deep breaths, eyes stinging with unshed tears. They were blazing.

"If you ever," he hissed, "try to take Azula or Zuko, if you put one foot back in the Fire Nation, if you tell anyone what you are about to do, if you fail me in going through with your plan at all, then my bargain with you will be over." He let her go and finally stepped back.

Ursa remained where she was, hardly daring to breathe. Her disbelief at his actions, at his intent, at everything he had just done and shown her, was so strong and unfathomable that she was dizzy.

"Don't try anything, Ursa. I will be watching."

Trembling--more from shock than anything else, Ursa thought--she took a staggering step forward. "I'll need to gather a few things." She had no way out. She had dug her own grave. No--she had dug the grave of the Firelord. "And I'm going to at least see Azula and Zuko one last time before I leave."

"If you say anything to them of this--"

Ursa's fingers went to her fresh burn and she bit hard on her lip to keep from crying out at the pain when she touched it. That seemed to be clear enough to Ozai.

"When you do this," Ozai said, "your ties with us will be forever broken. You will not be my wife. You will not be their mother. It will be as though you died." He turned and walked out of the room.

Ursa's legs finally gave out from under her and she sank to the floor, pain radiating from her wound, feeling like she would throw up. He was wrong. He could cut her off, disown her, divorce her, but he could never make her stop being Zuko and Azula's mother.

It was her choice. Her choice--her father-in-law or her son.

That was no choice at all.

She was jolted awake--this time, not by a concerned Water Tribe warrior, but by someone pinning her to the bed and pressing a hand over her mouth, muffling the scream that was instinctively fighting to get out. It was dark and she was disoriented; she couldn't make out anything but the shadow looming over her, but she could tell it was definitely a man.

"Now, now, Ursa, we wouldn't want to disturb anyone. I'll give you two seconds to stop moving before I run you through with my knife."

She felt the sharp point of his knife jab into her stomach and she froze, her shout stuck in her throat.

"Not a word," her assailant murmured, "or I swear by the spirits I will kill you. I've no use for traitors. Fortunately for you, I know someone who does."

Ursa had no idea what he was talking about. Was this some Earth Kingdom soldier who thought she was somehow in league with the Fire Nation? The way he had said her name, though…it had sounded like he was familiar with her. The only other explanation was that he knew she was Fire Nation, and that's what he meant by calling her a traitor. But that would make him Fire Nation, wouldn't it? Or at least someone in league with the Fire Nation, and she had a hard time imagining anyone from the Earth Kingdom joining up with the Fire Nation.

"Get up," the man demanded. "Slowly."

She obeyed, rising carefully to her feet as her attacker moved to stand behind her, the end of the knife now poking lightly into her back. She hoped he wasn't easily startled; one wrong move and she would be impaled. Her eyes darted around the room, looking to see if there was anything that could help her, but she came up empty.

Ursa had no choice but to move out of the room at the man's prodding. If she just kept calm, then maybe she could find a way out of this. She was in an army base; surely someone would notice that something was amiss.

However, her captor led her slowly and confidently through the base, winding his way past people without notice. The one time they passed a soldier who looked curiously at them, she gave the soldier a long, wide-eyed expression that she hoped he would interpret as urgent, but he wasn't even looking at her anymore, just continuing on his way while Ursa got hustled out of the base and toward the solid rock wall that the earthbenders had opened for them earlier. There were two men standing guard, but while they gave her the same curious looks as the soldier who had noticed her inside, they were more than happy to open a door in the rock when Ursa's captor explained he was escorting her to Gaoling. Whoever this man was, he was obviously trusted and well-known on the army base.

Which meant that her chances of getting help had just slipped to almost nothing, especially when she was taken all the way out of the army base. Just her and some stranger with a knife, surrounded by nothing but trees and mountains.

It was only when she had been taken a little way into the woods that her captor shoved her to the ground. She got her breath knocked out of her lungs and a mouthful of dirt as her hands were quickly and expertly bound behind her back. Her heart was racing, but she showed none of her fear when she was yanked back to her feet and spun around to face her captor. She still couldn't make out much of his face in the pitch black, only enough to see a very tall, well-muscled figure with facial hair. She could also see the knife he held in his hand. She fixed her eyes firmly on his face, her voice low when she demanded, "Who are you?"

He twisted the knife in his hand around in circles, but she still refused to look at it. A familiar warning was tingling in the back of her mind as he said, just as calmly, "I heard you could tell just by my movements."

And there it was. "You're a firebender."

"Not everyone who joins the Earth Kingdom army is an earthbender. You're not the only one who can work your way into the fold." The knife kept spinning in his fingers. "Did you really think you wouldn't eventually be recognized if you stuck your nose into Fire Nation business?"

Ursa's heart was thumping in her chest so loudly that she could hear it. "Where are you taking me?"

"No more questions. Just be glad I'm keeping you alive at all. Now move."

Ursa glared at him and refused to budge. No matter how powerful or threatening he thought he was, she had still faced worse than him and she was not going to play the subservient captive. Inwardly, she was cursing herself for being foolish enough to think an army base could be completely safe. It went back to the saying about the two-headed rat viper. One of her enemies might have been imprisoned, but another had just bitten her while her back was turned.

The man grabbed the ropes that bound her hands behind her back and shoved her forward. The ties dug into her wrists and Ursa gritted her teeth. "Best do what I say, understand?" He pushed her forward again. "There's no one to help you now."

Avatar Prompt #5, Toph and Sokka

2009-09-17T00:33:34Z

Prompt #5: Anxiety
Characters: Toph, Sokka, and the Bei Fongs

"You don't have to come with me." Toph slung her pack over her shoulder and turned her head in the direction where she felt Sokka hopping up and down on one foot, dumping a rock out of his shoe.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you can take care of yourself." Sokka put a hand on her back and nudged her toward the ship. "But I already said goodbye to Suki and she's going to be busy training like a crazy rat-monkey the next couple of weeks anyway."

"Gee, Sokka, it's so nice to know that you're coming with me because your girlfriend doesn't have time for you." Toph smirked as she crossed the ramp and jumped onto the ship, knowing her words would get an indignant reaction from Sokka.

"That's not what I meant!" Sokka exclaimed, his footsteps thunking loudly as he followed her. "And Suki always has time for me!" When he spoke next, it was in a more serious voice. "You shouldn't have to do this alone." He nudged her with his elbow. "So let's hurry up and get this boat going. Captain!" His voice and footsteps faded as he headed deeper into the ship to find the captain and tell him they were ready to go.

Toph walked up to the railing and turned her face against the wind. There was part of her that had been reluctant to have Sokka come along to her parents' house with her, part of her that wanted to face them alone and show them who she was now. She really didn't know if they would listen. The first time she had showed them who she was, she had scared them and they had wanted to stifle her more, but she didn't know if that would have changed in the months that she had been gone. Could it have changed? Would they welcome her as she was, or would they shun her?

Were they proud of her? Could they be proud of her?

Sighing, Toph turned away from the railing and tried to put her anxiety out of mind, without much success. She wouldn't know until she faced them.

:--:--:

"Toph. It's gonna be okay."

A bag was pressed into her hands--her bag, from the feel of it. She slung it over her shoulder and walked with Sokka over the familiar ground of the outskirts of Gaoling. It hadn't even been a year since she had left, and everything felt so different. She was different.

Toph opened her mouth to give Sokka a smart-aleck response, but her retort turned into more of a muffled, "Yeah." She dug her toe into the earth, feeling it ripple with the nudge she gave it. She had walked this ground before. She had walked under this exact spot before, actually, on her way to and from the Earth Rumble tournaments.

"Look, if they can't accept who you are after all this time and everything you've done--" Sokka began.

"They're stubborn people." Toph shook her head. "My dad's stubborn. Where do you think I got it from? He's as hard-headed as I am."

"And you've been gone a long time."

"Exactly. Look, can we just stop talking about it? I don't need one of your therapy sessions. Save those for Aang." Toph's stomach was an absolute knot of now. The worst scenarios were running through her mind. Maybe the guards wouldn't even let her on the estate. Maybe her father would refuse to see her.

Every step took her closer to the place that had once been her home. Well, maybe not a home so much as a house. It had been stifling and frustrating, but she had never doubted her parents' love for her. Still, as much as people like Katara could spout ideal talk of unconditional love and hope and happily-ever-afters, but Toph was more practical than optimistic. And in a practical world, she was more of a stranger to her family than ever.

Sokka was rambling and Toph was only half listening as they approached the gates of the Bei Fong estate. She immediately recognized the approaching footsteps of Hun Li, a guard who had known her most of her life.

"Toph?" His voice was surprised and his footsteps came to a halt. "Toph! By the spirits, you came back!"

Toph remained stiff; she was afraid if she moved too much, all the roiling anxiety in her stomach would cause her to spew her lunch all over the ground. She felt ridiculous. She was a strong person; she had faced firebenders and falling off airships and imprisonment. Yet this close to her parents, she was reduced to feeling like the smothered, misunderstood girl she had been.

She felt pressure from Sokka's hand on her shoulder, and she shrugged it off, trying to assure him she was fine and could walk into her parents' (if Hun Li let her) without looking weak.

And she thought Sokka would understand. He was her best friend; he understood a lot of things about her without her ever speaking. Clearing her throat, Toph announced, "I've come to see my parents."

"Of course. Come with me. Your parents are in the gardens." As Hun Li led the way through the gate and onto the grounds, Toph heard and felt the other guards as they passed. "You're quite a legend around here," Hun Li said as they approached the gardens. "Everyone around here has heard the stories of how you taught the Avatar earthbending and helped him defeat the Firelord."

"I bet my father was thrilled about that," Toph muttered under her breath.

"Your father--" But Hun Li stopped, and Toph knew why. She would know the feel of her father's feet on the ground anywhere. He was standing in what had always been Toph's favorite part of the gardens, and there was her mother, seated on a bench with her slippers just brushing against the earth.

Toph turned her face in the direction she felt them and knew she had been spotted when her father said, "Toph."

She didn't know what he was feeling--anger or hurt or sadness or anything; his tone was blank.

"Hi, Dad. Hi, Mom." Toph took a deep breath and plunged into words that she had been going over and over in her head for a long time. "I know you're probably mad at me. I know I hurt you when I left, and you might not want me here, but I--"

She was cut off abruptly when her father's strong arms enfolded her and her face was pressed against him. "Toph," he repeated, and this time she could hear the relief in his voice. Then her mother was there, hugging her and crying.

Toph had no idea what would come next, but right now, the next few minutes didn't seem as important. For at least this brief moment, the distance between her and her parents had closed. Maybe there would be admonishments and arguments and maybe the gap between them would widen again, but all that mattered was that her parents were welcoming her instead of banishing her.

And that was a good start.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 5

2009-09-15T19:20:22Z

Chapter Five - Intelligence Reports

It was the third time that Hakoda had been away from his children for the anniversary of Kya's death. When he had been home, it had been a day when they could share memories together, and he felt the loss of his children's presence more keenly than ever on this day. Kya's death was a reminder of so much--the pain of that day, the beauty of her life, one of the reasons he was fighting in the war, Sokka and Katara. It was a cycle of joy and pain, and one that would probably always be that way.

In light of not having Sokka and Katara, Hakoda's friends took it upon themselves to fill the void.

"It's an age-old tribal tradition," Hakoda overheard Mikko murmuring to Ursa, "to share memories of a loved one on the anniversary of their death." They were eating breakfast and preparing for the last stint of their journey. Their firebender prisoner was leaning against a nearby rock, out of earshot but within eyesight of all of them. "I remember," Mikko said to the group, "when Hakoda and Bato got stranded out on that iceberg after they crashed their canoe trying to beat the rapids."

"There was no trying about it," Hakoda put in. "We had those rapids beat. Or we would have if that iceberg hadn't gotten in the way."

"Yeah, blame it on the iceberg," Notu muttered.

Mikko laughed. "I think everyone in the village could hear Kya's rant to you when you and Bato made it back home."

"She was worried," Hakoda said with a wry smile.

"That, my friend, is an understatement."

Ronook put in his own memory. "Kya made the best stewed sea prunes in the village--but don't tell my wife I said so."

"I remember," Tamoru began, "When my little Marena was born, how panicked I was when Alla went into labor during that blizzard. I could hardly even get out of our igloo to go for help. I don't know what I would have done if Kya hadn't managed to get there. She was a life-saver."

Hakoda swallowed past the lump in his throat. He suspected that Kya was a life-saver in more ways than even he might ever fully know.

"I will always be grateful that you and Kya went with the young love and didn't waste time in having kids. It helped the rest of us figure out what we were doing when it came our turn," Ornu added.

They continued reliving memories of Kya until all the other men had shared, and then Hakoda closed his eyes, picturing Kya's laughing face. It was a dim memory. It seemed with every passing day, her face got more blurred in his mind.

It was good to hear the good memories, to share them with others who had known and loved Kya. It helped drown out the words that were so strong on this day, words he would never be able to forget as long as he lived. Old words, but the worst ones he had ever heard.

"Dad! I think Mom's in trouble! There's a man in our house!"

The sick fear that had made his stomach plummet and his heart race--he would never forget that, either. To hear those words from his daughter had been the most horrific moment of his life--at least until he saw Kya's body.

A firm hand on Hakoda's shoulder brought his eyes open. Notu was looking at him with understanding.

"I remember," Hakoda said slowly, "her laughter. Even when I made her angry or upset; even if she got sad, it was never long before she was laughing again."

"And making everyone else laugh, too," Tamoru added.

"In memory of Kya." Mikko bowed his head. "May her spirit always be at rest."

The words signaled the end of their memory sharing, and the end of breakfast. There was an unusually solemn air about the camp as they packed up and prepared to move on. Hakoda's mind was still very far away as he rolled up a tent. His thoughts were back home with his children. They would undoubtedly be remembering their mother in their own way. The desire to see them, to hold them and assure them, to know that they were really all right, was so strong that he almost felt sick.

He tucked the tent away and closed his eyes briefly. I miss you, Kya. It wasn't the fierce longing, agony, and misery that it had been right after she died. Just like the strength of her image in his mind had grown less each day, so had the pain of losing her.

"Moving on," his mother had told him very soon after Kya had died, "is never easy, Hakoda. It's not meant to be easy. If we didn't allow ourselves to have deep loves, we wouldn't have deep pains, and you cannot afford to relinquish love because of pain. You have two beautiful children who have lost just as much as you. Only together will you make it through this and begin to heal."

His mother was a smart woman, but at the time, Hakoda hadn't known how he was going to be able to get through losing Kya. She had been the light in his life, the only woman he had ever wanted, from the time he had even begun to think of girls in that way. Letting her go, moving on--it had seemed a betrayal to everything they had shared.

He had gradually realized, though, that not letting her go and not moving on was a betrayal to everything he still had--to Sokka and Katara, to his tribe, to himself. More than that, it was a betrayal to Kya's memory. She would have wanted him to keep living life, to really live it. He had found that seeking out the joys that life still had to offer had begun to heal his broken heart.

A small smile crossed Hakoda's face as he opened his eyes. There would always be something in him that missed Kya, but he still had the greatest gift she had ever given him, the greatest testament to what he had shared with her. He still had Sokka and Katara. And I miss you two more than anything, he thought.

Hakoda straightened and glanced around. The men were almost done packing. Ursa stood at the edge of camp, looking more out of sorts than usual--which was saying something. Her neighbor back in Huang hadn't been joking when he said she was reserved. She was unwrapping the bandage on her hand, and Hakoda carried his pack over to her, nodding at her. "How's your hand?"

Ursa held it out so he could see her palm. The angry red burns had faded into healed, peeling skin. "Much better. That blubber ointment of yours really does work wonders, if you can stand the smell." She tucked the cloth bandage into a pocket and flexed her fingers experimentally. She glanced around at the other men, then looked Hakoda again, her eyes guarded and almost uncertain.

"Is something wrong?" he asked her.

Ursa shook her head. "No." She paused, then said, "I'm not used to this."

"This? You mean traveling with a bunch of loud, strange, probably smelly men?"

Ursa gave him a strange look, and then a small smile brushed across her face. "I think I smell worse than any of you could," she said wryly, motioning to her filthy robes. Her eyes darted around the camp again. "I just meant--I've never seen friendships quite like the ones you have here." She paused. "I'm glad I've had a chance to see it."

Hakoda smiled at her. "Well, I'm just glad we haven't scared you away."

Once they were all packed up, they set off again, their prisoner in tow. They'd been guarding him more carefully than ever, since they had to untie the ropes on his legs so he could walk. So far, he still hadn't tried any firebending at them, but all it would take was a moment of relaxing their guard and it could cost them dearly. Hakoda would be much happier when he was no longer in charge of the man.

It was midday when they finally reached the familiar expanse of rocks at the base of the mountains. Hakoda was unsurprised when several men dressed in Earth Kingdom army uniforms came out of the shadows. They only relaxed their guard when Hakoda greeted them with the proper pass phrases.

"Chief Hakoda, if I'm not mistaken," one of the men said. "We weren't expecting the Water Tribe."

"We have some information for General Ling." Hakoda stepped aside and motioned their prisoner. "And someone who probably has a lot more information than we do."

Within moments, the entrance to the hidden army base was being opened with earthbending, and Hakoda and his companions were being ushered inside. The firebender was taken into custody and led away by the earthbenders.

In short order, the rest of Hakoda's men were shown to temporary quarters, and Hakoda was called into a meeting with General Ling. Ursa was asked to attend as well, and General Ling listened without interrupting as they both told their sides of the story. Ursa handed over the scroll and General Ling unrolled it and looked over it.

"I'm very sorry to hear about Misaki," Ling said heavily. "She has been one of our strongest and most outgoing supporters. I fear what the enemy might learn from her, should they attempt to procure information." He sighed and gazed at the scroll. "I need to decode this. Chief Hakoda, would you and your men mind staying here until I can sort this out?"

Hakoda nodded. "Of course."

"Lady Ursa, would you also mind staying? I have more questions for you. I will have my men find some clothes for you, if that suits you."

"That would be wonderful. Thank you." Ursa folded her hands in front of her. "General Ling, if you question the prisoner, I would like to know anything he might say about Misaki."

"I'll tell you what I can," Ling replied. "We will be questioning him. Hakoda, thank you for your diligence in bringing him to us."

General Ling escorted them out of the room and sent Ursa off with one of his soldiers. Hakoda headed toward the Water Tribe's accommodations--several large, connected rooms spread with stone bunks jutting out of the walls. It was convenient for the earthbenders that they could create as many rock bunks as they needed. The other warriors were already resting, talking, or sorting through their belongings.

"I don't know how long we'll be here," Hakoda said to them, after filling them in on his meeting with the general, "so rest while you can."

There was a stream that ran through the army base, and part of it had been designed to siphon through the buildings. Hakoda took the opportunity to wash and change into his cleanest set of clothes, and then quickly washed his dirty clothes and spread them out to dry. He wasn't the only one who took the chance to get clean. In their day-to-day life, they had to take what time they could to get menial tasks out of the way.

Feeling a little more human, Hakoda sat down on one of the rock bunks and leaned back against the wall, half-watching the activity of the others and half in his own thoughts. He wasn't sure what would be next for them, but at least they had successfully carried out their objective of getting both the prisoner and message into General Ling's hands.

He didn't realize how tired he was until Tamoru woke him from a half-sleep. The sky was dark, and the rooms were lit with several lamps. Some of his companions were sleeping, others were eating. "Sorry to wake you, Hakoda, but General Ling's asking to speak with you again."

Hakoda scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "Thanks." He stood and stretched, spotting one of the earthbenders from earlier waiting by the door. Hakoda was escorted back to the room where he had met with Ling earlier. Ursa was already inside with the general, and she looked better than she had since Hakoda had met her. She was wearing unburned, clean robes and seemed more rested.

General Ling got straight to the point as soon as the door closed behind Hakoda. "Chief Hakoda, what do you know of the Avatar's return?"

"Not much," Hakoda admitted. "I've heard rumors that he's returned; other than that, I don't know who he is or what he's doing."

"Lady Ursa?"

"The same," she replied. "There have been several rumors that he's back, but I know nothing of him."

General Ling tapped his fingers on his chin. "I asked you here because this concerns both of you. First of all, we questioned the firebender."

"Don't tell me you actually got him to talk." Hakoda tried not to be too disbelieving, but he hadn't been sure if the general would be able to get anything out of the firebender, especially not after a matter of hours.

"You sound surprised, Chief. You should know by now that the Earth Kingdom has many advantages and resources at its disposal. In particular, we have a concoction made from herbs and red spider-fly venom."

"Red spider-fly venom?" Hakoda echoed incredulously.

"Trace amounts."

"I've heard of it," Ursa spoke up. "The drug releases any inhibitions a person has so they will talk indiscriminately, but it's no guarantee that they're telling the truth. And if they're desperate to hold onto a secret, they can still sometimes keep it. It also," she continued pointedly, "can cause hallucinations."

"Well, the firebender told us quite a few things pertaining to you and Misaki, Lady Ursa, and you can judge for yourself whether they seem truthful."

Hakoda and Ursa listened as General Ling explained, "He said he was in Huang to capture Misaki without arousing suspicion from the townsfolk. He was on his way to grab her and said he saw you approaching her house. He knew Misaki was supposed to be in possession of some important information."

"The scroll she gave me," Ursa guessed.

"Yes. He suspected after you left that you might also be part of the underground, and when he couldn't find the scroll in Misaki's possession, that suspicion only grew. So after he captured Misaki and took her to the nearby Fire Nation base, he went to your inn and gave you the pass phrase. He knew when you replied that you were underground, but he didn't expect his cover to be blown."

"Did he say what would happen to Misaki?"

"According to him, she was supposed to be taken to a prison. I don't know which one--he said he didn't know. As I said, you can decide for yourself if his story makes sense. Now, I'd like to move on to the message you brought us. I won't tell you all of it, but part of it concerns your tribe, Chief Hakoda. Intelligence reports that the Avatar was recently involved in an incident with pirates and the Fire Nation--"

Hakoda frowned slightly, trying to figure out how that directly related to his tribe.

"--along with his two companions," Ling continued. "Apparently, he's in the company of two young people from the Water Tribe. Since we know the Avatar appeared somewhere in the south and seems to be moving north, we assume these two companions of his are from the Southern Water Tribe. According to the report, there's a warrior named Sokka and a young waterbender named Katara."

Hakoda stood frozen. Sokka and Katara were traveling with the Avatar? For how long? All this time he'd thought they were home.

"Chief? Are you familiar with either of these people?"

Hakoda cleared his throat. "They're my children."

He felt Ursa's gaze on him, and General Ling nodded in acceptance. "Odd. I had believed there were no waterbenders left in the Southern Tribe."

"Katara…isn't trained," Hakoda said slowly. "There were no masters left to teach her."

"And therefore no masters to teach the Avatar waterbending, either. From what we've learned of the Avatar, he's a young boy who has mastered only airbending. Would it be sensible to suppose your children might be escorting him to the North Pole in an attempt to contact the Northern Tribe and find a waterbending master?"

"I don't know," Hakoda admitted, "but it might be."

Ling nodded, as though he had expected this answer. "I have a request of both of you. Chief Hakoda, you said General Fong sent you this way to begin investigating the breach in our underground network. As circumstance would have it, you stumbled right into part of it. Lady Ursa, you said you can tell if someone is a firebender or an earthbender by the way they move. Some of my men here are earthbenders; others are not. If I were to bring some of them into this room, would you be able to tell me if they are earthbenders or not?"

Hakoda glanced at Ursa in time to see her carefully guarded mask slide into place on her face. "Maybe," she replied cautiously.

"I'd like to test it," General Ling said decisively.

"Why?" Ursa asked.

"Because if you prove able to do this successfully, it would be an invaluable service to us. If I'm not mistaken, you currently have no home and nowhere to go. You also have been a member of the underground for several years."

"Let me rephrase, General," Ursa said stiffly. "What sort of service is it that you want from me?"

"If we can get further information out of our prisoner--namely, if he knows anyone else who has infiltrated our network--then we would ask you to work with Chief Hakoda on finding the infiltrators. So far, our prisoner has been very evasive about his undercover work. Beyond what he told us about Misaki, he has managed to talk about everything that doesn't matter to us."

"And there's no guarantee he will," Ursa said plainly.

"I understand this, but this is what we are asking of you."

"If you don't mind, General Ling, I'd like to take tonight to think about it. I've had a very long week."

"Of course. Chief Hakoda, Lady Ursa, thank you for your services. I will speak with you again in the morning."

Dismissed, Hakoda turned and followed Ursa out of the room. They walked toward the guest chambers in silence, until Hakoda broke the silence. "What I said was true." Ursa paused and he stopped beside her. "About waterbenders in my tribe," he continued. "They are nonexistent. Except for one, and I would do anything to protect her. She may have been born a waterbender, but she has no training." His jaw tightened. "There's no one there to train her."

"I wasn't questioning you, Hakoda."

"No one outside of the Southern Water Tribe knows that my daughter was born a waterbender."

"I understand why you would want to keep it that way." Ursa's eyes met his steadily for a moment, and then she continued walking. "You have nothing to fear from me. I'm good at keeping my silence."

Fanfic: Kyle XY, Kyle/Jessi

2009-09-15T04:00:53Z

A/N: I did not mean to write this. At all. It was one of the things that I scribbled out in my notebook right when my muse was packing up its bags and heading out on vacation, and the only reason I did was because it wouldn't leave me alone. But I felt weird writing it, and didn't plan on doing anythign with it. Yet, for some reason, instead of being able to finish one of the updates on prompt tables or chaptered stories that I have bits of on my computer, I ended up being able to finish this. O_o Not sure how it happened, honestly. This is my first attempt at writing anything in this fandom, and will probably be my last. Right now, I'm just amazed I wrote anything. And I feel kind of…weird that I wrote something for this fandom. I mean…yeah. *cough*

Title: Gravity
Characters/Pairing: Kyle/Jessi
Rating: PG/K+
Summary: They were right back where they were meant to be, caught in each other's gravity.

It had been one year, four months, two weeks, six days, three hours, and twenty-four minutes since she had seen him.

She took a deep breath. She could hear his heartbeat within the apartment, slow and steady, and the familiarity rushed over her with such force that she felt dizzy. She could hear it when his heartbeat sped up, and she knew her presence had been noticed.

Several seconds later, the front door was yanked open and there he was, looking just as she had remembered. A little more tired, perhaps, a little more world-worn. She could see it in his eyes, the same way she could see it in her own when she looked in the mirror.

She wondered if he would just shut the door in her face. Wondered if he would be able to forgive her for taking so much time. Wondered if he had forgiven her for leaving in the first place.

His arms were around her before she could move, holding her so tightly as he breathed her name into her hair. "Jessi." His voice was filled with relief and joy, and it was just as familiar as his heartbeat and his touch. For a moment, it was as if no time had passed--but then he stepped back and looked at her, and she was reminded of how much had changed.

"I won't blame you if you're mad at me. And hurt," Jessi began. "But I'm not sorry I left. I had to."

"Jessi."

"I was so scared. Of hurting you. Of losing you. Of holding you back. Of not being good enough." She had said all of this before and hadn't planned on saying it again, but the words bubbled over and everything she had carefully rehearsed on her way to him flew out the window.

"Jessi."

"Maybe it wasn't the best way, but it was the only--"

He stopped her with hands on her face and his mouth on hers. He was gentle, careful, and she melted into his touch, into the rhythm of a dance that had always been theirs. When he pulled back enough to look at her, his forehead bumping against hers, he said, "I know." He took her by the hand and pulled her into the apartment, over to an old couch. He tugged her down to sit beside him.

They looked at each other for almost a full minute before he broke the silence. "How was Japan?"

She wasn't surprised he knew where she had been. She had left her mark in that part of the world--undercover, without exposing herself, but he would have known. Just like she knew Kyle was involved when areas in Africa that had been unable to grow crops for years started yielding the beginnings of plant growth.

Jessi's throat tightened and she looked away from his piercing gaze. "Lonely." She remembered the night she had told him she was leaving as if it had just happened. Perfect memory could be both a blessing and a curse, and in this case, it just left her feeling hollow.

The Tragers were asleep when Jessi snuck into Kyle's room in the middle of the night. She woke him up the moment she cracked open his door, and he looked at her as she stood frozen just inside his room. When she didn't move, he climbed out of his tub and approached her. "Jessi? What is it? What's wrong?"

She shook her head and bit her lip as his arms folded around her, his fingers stroking her hair. "Jessi, it's okay. We're okay."

"We almost weren't. I almost killed you. You almost died and it was my fault."

"You know that's not true."

"It is true!" It had been a seizure--on her part. She tried something she wasn't ready for, even though she had been so careful not to push herself too far. She and Kyle had spent months exploring all of their abilities together, keeping themselves in check and growing in their mental strength and capacity a little more everyday. But she found herself in a situation where she had to push herself to save the lives of a group of schoolchildren, and it nearly cost her everything. She ended up in the hospital and so did Kyle. It was the first real taste for anyone of how deep their connection had become. They were not only bonded mentally anymore--it was physical.

Maybe it shouldn't have been surprising. Two weeks after Kyle's confrontation with Cassidy--who got away alive and disappeared--Amanda finally learned the whole truth about Kyle and Jessi. Things had been a mess for a while--there had been a couple of months of miserable confusion for Jessi, when Kyle was struggling with himself and what his heart was telling him. Between Amanda telling him that she wanted to be with him again, and Jessi holding the ground she had gained with Kyle, he'd had to come to grips with what he really wanted.

And when it came right down to it, even if Amanda knew the truth about everything, Kyle was never going to turn his back on Jessi. He would always share her past, and quite literally, her mind. Their mental connection grew everyday--they could walk in and out of each other's thoughts and memories, and that was something Amanda could never share.

Whatever confusion Kyle had been suffering, it had disappeared entirely during that summer. Kyle and Jessi had to go on the run, thanks to Latnok and their plans, and together had to plot a way to stop the group from screwing with their lives anymore. It was a trip that brought them to living out of tiny hotels or camping in nearby woods, and making quick calls that couldn't be traced to let the Tragers know they were safe.

That summer changed them. It was to be expected, really, that the more life they experienced, the more their experiences would change them. The more Kyle saw of the world, the more it affected him. At his core, he was always the same--giving, loving, compassionate. But he had to face the harsh reality of the pain and heartache around him. In this, Jessi was able to help him as he had so often helped her. Kyle had taught her how to trust, had taught her that life was not all about the lies and manipulation into which she had been born. He had taught her the importance of keeping her promises.

And in return, she taught him how to get through the lies and injustices the world threw at him. It was all she had known in her beginning, after all, and it had made her stronger. She still struggled, always, with the competitive side of herself. She struggled with the part of her that never felt she quite measured up to Kyle and his goodness, to his standards. He assured her that she had nothing to prove to him, but he was wrong. She had to prove she was someone worth loving--prove that she could give and not just take, that she could be an anchor, too.

That summer, their connection deepened, pulled them together so tightly that there was no going back, no more doubting, no more questions. It was just them, and despite being on the run and plotting the takedown of a secret company, Jessi couldn't remember a time when she ever felt so happy and complete.

And then she had almost killed him because of how completely intertwined with each other they had become.

She blinked rapidly as the memory of Kyle's concerned eyes faded into his real, solid eyes, just as worried.

"It was never your fault," he told her, seeing right into her heart, just like always. "It--our connection--it was both of us."

Jessi just looked at him. He had told her that before, too. He had told her a lot of things. He had tried to talk her down from leaving, and he had almost succeeded. He had always been so good at that. Bringing her back down, talking her around, keeping her close. She had always been willing--desperate, even--to reach back for him. And that had been the problem. It had been her need for him, and his for her, that had made her go. If anyone had ever told her that she would voluntarily leave him, she would have scoffed in their face. For so long, for her entire existence, he had been her anchor, her constant, and she loved him more fiercely than anything.

In a way, she thought maybe part of him had always needed her, too.

Jessi had read enough of Nicole's psychology books to she know that her relationship with Kyle had been considered unhealthy and probably co-dependent, obsessive, needy--all of these words and more could be applied to them, but Jessi had never cared if she needed Kyle. He had always been impossible to escape. They were like two planets spinning around each other, keeping each other in perfect gravitational pull, keeping each other in orbit, circling around endlessly. She hadn't known what would happen if she tried to break that. Hadn't known if she would send them both spinning toward catastrophe. Hadn't ever wanted to find out, because she hadn't wanted to let go of their connection, even if it was possible.

At least until she realized that she had almost brought his death to him.

"Everyone was upset with me." Jessi paused and shook her head. She had lived with the Tragers long enough to understand some things about family and commitment. She amended, "Everyone was upset about the extent of our bond and the damage it had on both of us. They were right to be."

"Jessi."

"Kyle. I was holding you back. I was holding us back. Everyone was saying that our connection was going to ultimately be self-destructive, and I didn't believe it until we ended up in the hospital. I know that you didn't think separating was the way to fix anything, but I had to. I thought maybe putting distance between us would…would keep you safe from me. That you would be able to know who you were without me."

"I already knew who I was without you."

"I didn't know who I was without you," she whispered. That had been the problem all along and she hadn't wanted to look at it closely. Living at the Tragers had helped her more than she could ever tell them--they had taught her the meaning of love and family, had shown her that there were people who could be counted on and who took the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, and accepted all of her. But deep down, she hadn't really believed she was worthy of any of it.

She had told him as much, too, on that night she went to tell him good-bye.

"Leaving?" His eyes were shocked and questioning, and she felt his mind reach out to her, searching, but she pushed him out.

"Stop it. You can't keep doing that. Don't you see how dangerous this is for us? That's why I have to go, Kyle. Don't you get it? I have to leave. I have to know you'll be safe. And I had to tell you, because I couldn't just leave you a note. I'd never do that to you. But I have to go and I need you to promise not to come after me. I have to find out."

"Find out what?"

"About myself."

"Jessi--"

She kissed him then, fiercely, desperately, fighting her longing and the terror and the loneliness that was already starting. She pulled away abruptly and turned out his room, unsurprised when he hurried after her, calling her name. She stopped at her bedroom door as he caught her wrist, swallowing as she turned back to face him.

"I'll find you again," she told him, her throat closing up. "I promise."

"So what did you find out on your journey?" Kyle, wonderfully present and solid in front of her, asked her softly.

Jessi had her answer ready. "That I'm always going to be fighting with myself to be better, to believe I'm good enough. I learned that I can do this without you--" the pain flashed through his eyes, and she took his hand "--but that I don't want to. I don't have to."

Kyle squeezed her hand and then let go. He pulled a familiar string over his head, and she saw that dangling from it, along with his, was her Latnok ring. The ring that had belonged to her mother, that Jessi had given to Kyle with her promise to one day find him again. He took it off the string and slid it back onto her finger, kissing the palm of her hand. "I knew you'd come back." His arms went around her again, and she relaxed against him. "But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you everyday for the last year, four months--"

"Two weeks," she put in.

"Six days, three hours," he continued.

"And thirty-one minutes," they said together. Their eyes locked, and she whispered, "I missed you more."

His fingers traced her cheek, wove through her hair. "You want to turn this into a competition?"

She put her hands on the back of his neck and pulled his face closer to hers. "I haven't had anyone else to compete with for a long time."

"In that case, I'll just have to show you how much I missed you." His lips met hers again, and she was lost, caught inevitably in his gravity, right where she had always been, just as he was caught in hers.

Older Fanfic, Final Fantasy VII: Anchor, Chapter 15

2009-08-17T18:23:23Z

See chapter 1 for disclaimer/summary.

It was an hour before Cloud climbed the stairs to his and Tifa's room. He wavered in the doorway, wondering if he dared go inside. He was frustrated and after working through some of that, he had ultimately come to just feel, more than anything, guilty.

Steeling himself, he took a step into the room. "Tifa?" He knew before he said her name that she was awake, because she shifted toward him when she heard his feet step into the room. Several more steps and he was next to the bed. He sat down on the edge of it and met her eyes. "I'm…sorry," he said slowly. "I shouldn't have said it that way. I just…"

Tifa wove her fingers through Cloud's. He gripped her hand tightly, knowing then that she had forgiven him for his harsh words. "Cloud…" She bit her lip. "I'm not going to lie. I really, really would like to at least find out if we could even have kids…but Cloud?" Her free hand went to his face, fingertips gently grazing down his cheek. "I love you. I'm happy just being with you. With kids of our own or without, that's not going to change how I love you. If this isn't something you want--"

"Tifa," he interrupted. "It's not that…I…" He closed his eyes. "I'm not ready to think about this right now. I just…I don't know if I'll ever be ready." He opened his eyes and met hers. What the hell was wrong with him? He was selfish. Tifa hardly ever asked for anything, and even if she did and someone wasn't willing to give, she didn't demand. She was always, always putting everyone else's needs and wants and dreams in front of her own. Had anything changed? How often did she ever outright tell him something she truly wanted?

Couldn't he at the very least find out, for Tifa's sake, if he could give her kids and what the risks were? It wasn't even that they'd have to have a child, but to just know…was that really so much to ask? Why did he always have to immediately think of the worst case scenario for any situation?

Because even though not everything in life was going to be a worst case scenario, all it took was one thing to happen and then life went to hell. He had just finally, finally really gotten Tifa…she would say that he had always had her, and that was true. But he had finally let himself have her completely, and he hated the idea of exploring anything that had potential to hurt her or to take her away from him.

:--:--:--:--:

Chapter Fifteen - Puzzle Pieces

Standing next to the bar sink, holding Tifa in his arms while the back of his shirt got soaked with soapy water from her hands, was the best moment of Cloud's week. Even though he knew Tifa was holding him for comfort, even though he knew maybe she was only holding him because there was no one else there, he just didn't care. She was letting him give some comfort, and for this moment, there were no uncertainties or questions or fumbling between them. It was just them.

Tifa was shaking, her fingers clenching and unclenching on his shirt as she took steadying breaths. He understood more than anyone could the agony of what she had just remembered. Even in the pain of that moment, though, Cloud was just happy to get to have any contact with her at all. As he felt the tension slowly drain out of Tifa, it released its hold on him at the same time. For those few minutes, everything seemed to make sense. He had needed this. He had needed this more than he had even begun to realize.

When Tifa finally took a step back, her hands caught his, keeping the contact, and she whispered, "Thank you."

She looked completely exhausted, her eyes half-closed as she glanced at the stacks of dishes. Cloud squeezed her hands. "Leave it. You're tired. I'll take care of it."

"I can do it," she insisted, but she yawned and Cloud tugged on her hands.

"Come on," he said firmly. He had long learned with Tifa that if there was work to be done, she always tried to do it no matter what state she was in. With memories or without, he had discovered that part of Tifa remained unchanged.

Tifa threw another look at the dishes, but when he gently pulled her toward the stairs, she finally stumbled after him. He made sure she went to lie down in bed--even Tifa needed someone to look after her sometimes--and then went downstairs and washed the dishes. By the time he got back up to their bedroom, Tifa was asleep. He got into bed as quietly as he could, trying not to disturb her, but her eyes blinked open dazedly when his weight shifted the bed. He really wasn't surprised; he and Tifa had both trained their minds and bodies to sleep lightly--it had often been a matter of survival.

He was surprised, however, when Tifa mumbled, "Hm...Cloud…" and her eyes drifted closed, but she rolled toward him, one hand flopping onto his chest. Cloud froze, staring at her, not sure if she had reached out to him on purpose or because she was mostly asleep. He waited for her to move, to withdraw her touch, but she didn't. Finally, tentatively, he covered her hand with his and closed his eyes. Her hand was still warming him when he fell asleep.

:--:--:--:--:

Things were easier between Cloud and Tifa the next couple days, as if the moment Tifa had allowed herself to draw comfort from Cloud had opened a door between them. Things certainly weren't what Cloud would consider normal between them--not normal as it had been two weeks earlier, when Tifa had her memories--but it was a start. In some ways, it made things much easier between Cloud and Tifa, but at the same time, it was even more difficult. Though they were--he hoped--taking small steps toward rebuilding their relationship, it was still a far cry from what it had been. The familiarity, the intimacy, they were still not there, so in some respects, no matter how much he was grateful for the steps forward, they were also slowly driving him crazy. It was irritating and he kept telling himself to just be thankful for what he had, to be happy that Tifa was trying as much as she was.

As Tifa got into the swing of running the bar, things at least began to take on a more familiar pattern. It was good for all of them, but especially the kids. They had needed something to do to keep them busy. It didn't make their problems go away, but it made it a little easier to bear the burdens. Marlene was stuck like glue to Tifa's side, and Cloud was glad for that. They both seemed a little brighter when they were interacting. And after Marlene spent one day with Suki, the closest friend she had that had not died in the school, she came home more genuinely cheered than Cloud had seen her all week.

Cloud was a lot more concerned for Denzel, who was plowing forward with an almost single-minded intensity. Denzel spent a lot of time with Aria; every day they opened the bar, she was there in her wheelchair. Cloud suspected that she was having a hard time adjusting to life in her home with the obvious deaths of the others who had lived there. Denzel and Marlene's friends had always been welcome at Seventh Heaven, and it wouldn't be the first time it had been used as a refuge for them. Izzi, on the other hand, was barely around at all, and when Cloud asked Denzel about his whereabouts at one point, Denzel shook his head. "Aria and I are trying to see him, but he says he's busy." He looked at his feet, and then back up at Cloud. "I don't think he wants to see us a lot."

"Why do you think that is?" Cloud asked.

Denzel had an answer immediately. "Because Aria and I both got hurt at least a little at the school and he didn't get hurt at all." He shrugged a little.

Cloud knew exactly what he meant. These children had survived so much already, and it was only natural that some of them had guilt about it. Sometimes they could only take so much before it built up and spilled over. And as he observed Denzel, Cloud knew that Izzi was not the only one who was struggling with it, and he also knew Denzel had been doing his best to avoid actually talking about it.

On the fourth day after reopening Seventh Heaven, Yuffie bounced in the bar with typical Yuffie-energy and flung herself on the nearest victim, which happened to be Denzel. He was holding a drink in his good hand and managed to keep from spilling it when Yuffie tackled him and ruffled his hair.

Denzel took it in stride. "Hi, Yuffie."

"Hey, Denz! And hey, it's Aria! They put you to work even with those legs broken?"

Aria waved from the other side of the room and called, "Yeah, Cloud and Tifa are just total tyrants."

Cloud threw a towel at Aria, who caught it and flapped it in the air like a flag, a grin on her face.

Yuffie laughed. "I always knew I liked that kid. Hey, Cloud!" She wiggled her fingers at Cloud as he filled several drinks behind the counter. "Where's Tifa? And where's my Marls?"

"Marlene's taking a nap." She'd had a rough night, waking up with several nightmares and then not sleeping well. Tifa had spent half the night with her in Marlene's bed. "Tifa's making dinner."

"Perfect! I'm totally staying for that." Yuffie scanned the bar's customers before hopping onto one of the barstools and propping her elbows on the counter. "I know, I know, it's not dinner alone with you guys, but I'll make up for that on your next day off. I promised Tifa I'd cook, so she wouldn't have to worry about it."

Denzel froze on his way past the counter and gave Cloud a look of pure trepidation. Cloud winced inwardly and made a mental note to tell Tifa she wasn't supposed to let Yuffie anywhere near the kitchen. Ever.

"How's about a drink?" Yuffie said, looking expectantly at Cloud. "I'm gonna need one if I'm gonna tell you what my last couple of days have been like."

She did look tired, though Cloud doubted anyone who didn't know her well would ever have noticed. He silently poured her a drink and then leaned on the counter. "What were you investigating at Mt. Nibel, Yuffie?"

"Well," she said after a huge gulp of ale, "originally I was going that way because there were some reports of some weird monsters spotted in the area--I dunno about that, because we didn't see hide or hair of any weird monsters. Saw plenty of normal ones, though. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Mt. Nibel? But yeah, when I got there, there was a search going on for a little girl. Her grandmother insisted she wouldn't have run off into the mountains, but they were looking anyway. Not a sight of her, either. Basically, I found a big fat nothing in Nibelheim."

Yuffie took another drink of her alcohol. "At any rate," she continued, "the giant monster carcass we did find was hauled to the WRO lab for testing. Well, outside the lab, 'cause it couldn't really fit through the doors. We'll see if they can find anything. I guess Reeve's gonna see if Professor Dorkus can just come up from Mideel if they need him to examine the body, which means I took that scale out to him for nothing, huh? Looked like he had his hands full, too. There were some sort of tremors that ruined part of the Prof's facility. That's what he gets for setting up right on top of the Lifestream, though." Yuffie frowned a little. "You don't think the Lifestream could be responsible for this wacko monster, do you?"

"How could it be?" Cloud asked in confusion.

Yuffie shrugged. "I don't know. What about that negative Lifestream thing--you know, the part of the Lifestream that's tainted with Jenova's cells or whatever? Didn't the trio of Sephiroth wannabes use it to call Shadow Creepers and stuff? I mean, we don't know if that part of the Lifestream ever really went away. Professor Dorne says we're only adding to it when a person who was infected with Jenova cells dies." She shook her head. "I don't know, Cloud. It's just giving everyone one massive headache. Maybe the monster body will tell us something." She sighed, and then her face smoothed over. "So speaking of the good ol' Prof," she began, raising her eyebrows at him, "do you and Tifa have any plans to pop out a kid or …oh, wait!" She leaned closer to Cloud, her eyes wide. "Are you two even…oh, you've gotta be kidding me. You're not even sleeping with your own wife, are you? All because of some stupid amnesia?"

Cloud gave Yuffie a sharp look that very clearly told her to back off. "Yuffie," he began warningly, but he got no further because Tifa came from the kitchen, carrying a large bowl of food, which she set on the counter.

"Tifa!" Yuffie stood up on the stool, flipped over the counter and landed nimbly on the other side. She flung her arms around Tifa, who blinked in surprise.

"Oh! Hi, Yuffie."

"I was just telling Cloud about the craziness but lack of absolutely anything substantial in Nibelheim." Yuffie sent a significant look Cloud's way, but to his relief she said nothing more about personal matters between him and Tifa. "And I had the most brilliant idea while I was in Mideel!" Yuffie clasped her hands together as she looked excitedly between Cloud and Tifa. "I mean, I'm a total genius. I had the best idea about how to help Tifa get her memories back! We take her to Mideel--or even to the pool of Mako that's in Midgar now--and she jumps into the Lifestream!"

Cloud stared at her. "What?"

Tifa frowned, but her expression was confused rather than shocked. "What?" she echoed.

Yuffie began twirling around in circles. "The Lifestream's where the planet's memories and consciousness and everything are, right? It might unlock something in your head, Tifa! And hey, it worked for you, Cloud."

Cloud kept staring at Yuffie. There were so many things wrong with her idea that he didn't even know where to start.

Tifa, however, turned to Cloud. "What does she mean it worked for you?"

Yuffie stopped her twirling and faced Cloud. "You haven't told her?" Shaking her head, she faced Tifa. "I mean when Cloud was all comatose and his head was so screwed around that he thought he was someone he wasn't and he fell with you into the Lifestream and you helped patch his crazy head and memories back together."

Tifa's expression grew more bewildered. "...what?"

"That was different, Yuffie," Cloud interrupted. Did she really think he hadn't already thought through that? That he hadn't thought through anything that could help Tifa get her memories back? "I didn't have a head injury," he said. "My consciousness had copied the ego of someone else into my head. It was caused by Jenova cells, not by damage to my brain."

"It still might work," Yuffie said.

"It's not likely," Cloud retorted, really wishing he wasn't having this discussion with Tifa right there. "Jumping into the Lifestream would only be dangerous. There's no guarantee she would even be able to get out again."

"The Lifestream sort of spits out people who are still alive," Yuffie pointed out.

"Yeah, and gives them Mako poisoning along with it!" Cloud retorted. "Tifa and I were just lucky that when we fell in we both didn't end up completely comatose and crazy." He shook his head. "No, I think it was more than luck," he said more quietly. "I think we had help."

"From Aerith?" Yuffie asked. "Then maybe she could help again. Maybe she could help Tifa."

Cloud was beginning to really wish he was somewhere else at that moment. "Yuffie…" He stopped, sighed, and shook his head. "We don't even know if Aerith is still around. We haven't heard anything from her since she healed the Geostigma. Not even during or after Deepground." As much as Cloud might have been comforted in the thought of Aerith being around to help, what he most wished for her was peace. However she found it, he hoped that after everything she had already given for the planet, that she was at peace.

Yuffie's shoulders drooped. "Yeah, I know. " She sighed. "Okay, okay. It was just a suggestion." She reached over for her drink and finished it in several swallows. "I'm gonna eat some dinner and then head out. I need to crash somewhere for a while. But I'll come back tomorrow and help out at the bar like I promised I would, unless some other deformed monster pops up somewhere."

It was only after Yuffie had shoved enough food to feed three grown men into her body and run out of the bar that Tifa finally had a moment to ask him what he and Yuffie had been talking about. There were still customers around, though, and Cloud didn't want to get constantly interrupted while trying to tell the story of his identity crisis. "It's a long story. Can I tell you about it after we close tonight?"

Tifa nodded.

After dinner, Denzel said he was going to take Aria home. Cloud glanced outside at the dark night. "Take--"

"--the emergency phone!" Denzel and Aria exclaimed together, and both of them laughed. It brought a smile to Cloud's face; it was the first time he had heard Denzel laugh since all of this mess had happened.

Marlene came downstairs a short time after Denzel and Aria left, yawning as she climbed onto a barstool and dropped her head into her hands. Tifa reached across the counter and smoothed her hair. "Feeling a little better, sweetie?"

"Yeah."

"Are you hungry? I set some dinner aside for you."

Marlene lifted her head and smiled a little at Tifa. "Yes, please."

Tifa was just setting a plate in front of Marlene and pouring a drink for a customer when the bar's phone started ringing. Cloud glanced at the screen. Unknown Caller. He picked it up. "Seventh Heaven."

The voice that came through on the other end was a low, raspy whisper. A woman's voice. "Mr. Strife?"

"Who is this?"

"Listen to me. It was an accident--the monster that destroyed that school, it was a mistake--the experiments went horribly wrong. It wasn't supposed to--oh, damn!" There were sudden muffled noises, and the woman was no longer whispering, but frantically speaking into the phone. "Listen, there were two at Mt. Nibel and there are three more still missing--it's not going to stop, they're only going to start--"

There was shouting, followed by a loud cry from the woman, and then the line went dead, leaving Cloud staring at the phone in stunned silence.

FFVII prompts

2009-08-14T22:05:43Z

I finally finished my next five FFVII prompts. Whew. Here is my updated FFVII prompt table of doom and here are prompts 21-25:

Prompt #28 - Forever
Word Count: 1,419
Rating: PG
Summary: She would take whatever time they had.

Prompt #50 - Secret
Word Count: 2,040
Rating: T
Summary: Only an idiot could be responsible for this.

Prompt #25 - Proud
Word Count: 2,258
Rating: PG
Summary: Just because something was difficult didn't mean it wasn't worth it.

Prompt #29 - Defend
Word Count: 1,525
Rating: PG
Summary: Marlene and Denzel had learned well.

Prompt #33 - Communication
Word Count: 855
Rating: T
Summary: Denzel discovered how crazy girls were a little more everyday.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 4

2009-08-14T19:16:02Z

Chapter Four - Memories

Her world was broken. Shattered into so many pieces she wasn't sure she would ever be able to find them, let alone put them back together. Everything she knew--no, everything she thought she knew--had just been ripped out from under her. She was sinking beneath the surface and didn't even have time to catch her breath. Not if she wanted to save her son's life.

She stared into her husband's eyes and it was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. How had it come to this? How had he come to this? How had she come to this point without realizing just how far Ozai was willing to go for his own stake on power?

"How could you?" Ursa's voice was too quiet; she could still hardly breathe. "He's your son."

Ozai's gaze was cold, his face a hard mask. She couldn't deny that she and Ozai had grown increasingly distant over the years. She couldn't deny knowing that Ozai paid far more attention to Azula than to Zuko. She knew that Azula was the prodigy that he had always dreamed of having, that he considered Zuko a disappointment, and also knew that this had absolutely affected their marriage. There had been arguments, very early on, between Ursa and Ozai over Zuko. Ozai thought he was soft, told Ursa that she was only contributing to making him more weak. She had always defended Zuko, even though she had learned early on that keeping her silence with Ozai was often better than participating in an argument over Zuko.

But when she had heard Azula's confession to overhearing the conversation between Azulon and Ozai, she hadn't really thought that Ozai was capable of this. Not really.

Now as Ozai stared at her with those unbearably icy eyes, he spoke the words that sealed her doom. Zuko's doom. "It's for the good of the Fire Nation."

Something in Ursa exploded, and she leapt at Ozai, her voice finally matching the roiling fury she felt. "He's your son!" she screamed, trying to hit him, trying to shake him, to get any sense at all out of him.

She managed to land one hand on Ozai before he grabbed her wrists and pushed her backwards. She caught herself before she fell and when she looked at Ozai again, it was to see him still glowering at her with that deadly expression. "Don't you understand?" he demanded. "This isn't about Zuko. This is about what is best for our country. Iroh is weak. He is weak and he will bring our nation to its knees. We need a strong ruler, a Firelord who will not back down like my cowardly brother."

"Iroh is a great man. He's mourning his son. You're willing to throw yours away!"

"Zuko is weak, Ursa." There was that persuasive voice, the one he had always been so good at. The one that she heard more and more often coming out of Azula's mouth. He couldn’t seriously think that it would work on her, could he? Not this time. "You know this. I would never sacrifice him in vain. My father--"

"Is a monster. Just like you."

His hand was so fast she didn't know it moved until after he struck her. She touched her mouth and felt blood there. There was a dreamlike unreality about the whole thing. Part of her wasn't sure how this could really be happening. How could any man agree to kill his own child? How could any man that she had ever given her love to be such a person?

"I won't let you do this." She clenched her hands into fists. "I swear that I will do whatever I have to do to protect my son. Even if it means taking him away from here." She had only taken a step away from him when he grabbed her arm and yanked her forcefully around. She froze when she saw his uplifted fist, surrounded by burning orange fire. She knew then, knew that this was real. This was happening. Her husband was a complete stranger to her. If he was willing to kill Zuko, then what was going to stop him from killing her right then and there?

She had learned self-defense for a reason, but had never expected to use it against Ozai. And as she tried to break his hold on her arm, she realized that it was in vain--he knew all her defensive moves and he could counteract each one. He was a fully-trained firebender, one of the best in the world, and she…whatever she might have once been, she had become nothing more than a palace ornament and the womb that had given him heirs. One of which he was going to kill; the other of which was his perfect prodigy. Her rage, mortification, grief, and guilt crashed over her like an ocean wave as Ozai shoved her against the wall.

"I have a plan." The words burst out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying. She kept talking, because she knew if she didn't, then Zuko had no chance. She didn't really know if Ozai would kill her, but she no longer doubted he would kill Zuko. "You're doing this because you want to prove yourself worthy to be Firelord. I have a plan where you can become Firelord now--but only if Zuko's life is spared."

"I'm listening."

"Ursa. Ursa. Whoa, there!"

Ursa swung blindly out at the voice, and when she managed to open her eyes, she realized she had just tried to hit Mikko. He was crouched in front of her, holding up his hands. "Just me! You okay? You seemed pretty agitated--you were thrashing around in your sleep."

Ursa sat up, struggling to suppress her body's trembling. Her heart was pounding and her palms were sweaty. She pressed one hand against her chest and took a deep breath. "I'm fine." She took in her surroundings: trees, tents, mountains not too far away, and the very faint smell of the sea behind them. It had been only a day since the Water Tribe boats had docked, and the warriors--along with Ursa and the prisoner--were on foot now, on their way to the Earth Kingdom army base in the mountains.

The prisoner was sleeping--or looked to be sleeping--nearby. Some of the Water Tribe warriors were asleep in tents, but quite a few of them had simply thrown their sleeping bags on the ground.

"I can still set up a tent for you," Mikko offered. "It would only take a minute."

Ursa shook her head. "I'm fine," she repeated. She didn't want to be stuck inside a tent, unable to see the firebender or to be trapped inside if something were to happen. After two days on board the boat, she had gotten used to being under the open sky, able to see her surroundings--including the prisoner.

"Okay, then." Mikko sat back down near the embers of the campfire, where he was keeping watch.

Ursa shifted in her sleeping bag, but she was too hot. Even out under the stars, her vivid memories had left her feeling suffocated. She climbed out of the sleeping bag and stood, shaking out her filthy robes, which resembled rags more than actual clothing.

"You know, having bad dreams is nothing to be ashamed of, especially after everything you've been through," Mikko told her.

It was more a bad memory. Part of her wanted to thank Mikko for waking her up before she had to relive the rest of it, but she kept that thought locked in her mind. Instead, she simply said, "Maybe not."

"Definitely not. Look, everyone has things to be ashamed of in their life, but most people have plenty of things to be proud of, too. Come here, look at this." Mikko patted the spot on the ground beside him, and only then did Ursa realize he was holding a parchment in his other hand.

As Ursa sat beside the young warrior, he held out the parchment to her. It was worn and had some tearing at the edges, as though it had been looked at quite often. She peered at it in the light of the glowing embers and saw that there was a detailed sketch of a little girl. "Is this....your daughter?" she asked softly.

Mikko nodded. "Halla. That was her two years ago--I'm sure she's grown up a lot since then. They grow so fast."

One of the tent flaps in the camp opened and the now-familiar figure of Hakoda emerged and headed toward them.

"Yes," she murmured. Her fingers tightened on the parchment as she stared down into the beaming face of the child on it. She passed the picture back to Mikko. "She's a lovely little girl."

"She's my pride," Mikko said. "She and my wife. They're the reasons I left to fight. To protect them, so that my little Halla has a safe place to grow." He paused. "She's going to be six years old the day after tomorrow."

Hakoda stopped beside them. "Six years." His voice was heavy with something Ursa wasn't quite sure how to identify. Sadness, maybe, or longing? Loneliness?

Mikko looked at Hakoda, and Ursa couldn't mistake the sorrow that was there when he answered, "Yeah."

Hakoda shook his head and sat down beside Mikko. "My shift," he said, patting Mikko's shoulder.

"Sure thing, Chief." Mikko stifled a yawn, rolling up the sketch of his daughter and tucking into his tunic. "Good night, Ursa."

"Good night," she replied softly.

Hakoda gave her a sideways glance as she moved back toward her sleeping bag. "I'm beginning to wonder if you ever sleep. Seems like every time I'm on watch, you're awake for part of it."

Nights can be difficult. Even when I was somewhere familiar and comfortable. It's worse after everything that just happened. She didn't mention that Mikko had woken her from her nightmare memories--memories she could never stop reliving, even when she was asleep. Especially when she was asleep. They were easier to bury in the daylight.

"I apologize if I'm being a disturbance." Ursa slid into her sleeping bag, even though she was still too hot. She wished she could go for a walk to clear her head, but out here in unfamiliar territory in the middle of the night, it wasn't a wise idea.

"Yeah, you're just such a troublemaker." There was a teasing note in Hakoda's voice. "I don't know how we've made it this far with all the problems you've caused." He was definitely grinning at her.

Ursa blinked at him from her sleeping bag. He was certainly an odd man. Or at least had a very odd sense of humor. She still had not adjusted to the behavior of any of the Water Tribe warriors. In her few days with them, they had proven to be far different from any other men she'd ever met. Their obvious bonds of friendship lent an air of community unlike any she'd experienced, even in her years among the Earth Kingdom villagers. There was an openness about them, a willingness--they were honest and friendly, and she had seen that they could be serious, battle-worn warriors or joking, lighthearted people.

And never once had any of them looked at her in a way she would have considered uncouth. They always looked her directly in the eyes and acted like she was just as important as any of them. They treated her with great kindness, and made her feel welcome even though she so obviously did not belong. They even proved to be merciful with a firebender that was their enemy; she had not seen any of them mistreat their prisoner, and they gave him one meal a day and enough water to keep him hydrated. They could have kept him in far worse shape and no one would have blamed them for it.

"Ursa, you have nothing to apologize for," Hakoda assured her. "Now, if you wanted to be a disturbance, I could always give you some advice on the best ways to go about it. I've had plenty of practice at causing trouble."

Ursa folded her elbow under her head and gave him a dubious look. "Oh, really?"

"Oh, really. Bato and I were probably the worst troublemakers in our tribe. The things we got into." Hakoda shook his head. "I don't think anything my children ever do could add up to all the mischief I pulled when I was younger."

"You have children." Ursa couldn’t say she was surprised--she knew that these men had left behind their families to fight in the war, so of course it made sense that Hakoda would have left a family behind as well.

"Two. My son is fifteen now. My daughter is fourteen." Hakoda's smile turned wistful. "I can only imagine how much they've grown since I've been gone. It's scary to think they're pretty much adults. Almost marrying age, even. Makes me feel old."

Ursa's throat felt thick; it was hard to swallow. Zuko and Azula had undoubtedly grown up, and she had no idea what kind of people they had grown into. Did Zuko still have the caring, tender heart that she remembered, or had he been twisted by Ozai's visions of the future? Had Azula learned to have friendships of trust instead of fear? It was a moment before she could speak. "I'm sure you and your wife are very proud of them."

Hakoda's smile slipped entirely and he stared into the dying embers. "I'm very proud of them. I'm sure my wife would have been, too."

Would have been. Ursa didn't need to ask, and suddenly felt she had invaded something personal and too private. She did not need to be prying into the life of this man--or any of the men. Nor did she need any of them returning questions about her life and her family.

Rolling onto her back, Ursa gazed up at the night sky. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have--"

"You apologize far too much for things that aren't your fault." She heard Hakoda sigh and he explained without her asking. "It was a long time ago. Six years." Heavily, he added, "Six years tomorrow, in fact. It was the last time the Fire Nation raided our village."

Ursa turned her head and looked at him again. There was an old, deep grief in his voice, one that resonated through her, because it was a grief that she recognized--one that she lived with everyday. Despite her desire to keep from prying, she whispered, "Were they looking for waterbenders?"

Hakoda was silent for so long that Ursa began to think he wouldn't answer, but at last he said, "I think they may have been. Either way, they killed Kya--my wife. Then they left."

"Was she a waterbender?"

"No." There was something else in Hakoda's voice, but she couldn’t tell what and she wasn't going to ask anything else.

What else was there to say? Six years ago, she had been living in her bubbled life inside the Fire Nation palace. Her sense of the war and what was right or wrong about it had been clouded by years of Fire Nation upbringing, years spent in the palace. She'd had only her father's teachings about unity and the four nations to present her with something other than the propaganda fed to her by everyone else around her. And those lessons from her father had been very vague and long-ago, because she had been so little when he had died.

Six years ago, she had been focused on her life, her family, on being the perfect princess even though her world and her relationships were strained and more pretend than real. Part of her had known how much her family had fallen apart, had turned into a façade, but she had plunged forward and lived the lie. While she had been busy blinding herself, her father-in-law had been occupied with trying to wipe out the waterbenders of the Southern Tribe.

"Do you have family?" There was the turnaround question that Ursa had not wanted to get. Hakoda was watching her now, his face calm, though his eyes still held that distant loss.

"I…did. Once." Ursa pulled her sleeping bag up around her shoulders, suddenly wishing she'd decided on a tent after all. Out of all the Water Tribe men, she didn't think any of them had a gaze as piercing as their chief. Come to think of it, she didn't know if she'd ever seen eyes that piercing on anyone. Hakoda seemed to see things outside the box, things other people might not have noticed, and she wondered if that was part of the reason he had ended up leader of the tribe. "I lost them to the war," she finally said. It was truthful, though not in the way he would take it.

"It's a very familiar story, isn't it?" Hakoda's eyes darted over to their sleeping firebender prisoner. "The Fire Nation doesn't know how to do anything except conquer and destroy."

Ursa flinched inwardly, but she allowed nothing to show on her face. The memories that always haunted her were dancing on the fringes of her mind, taunting her and reminding her that no matter how much she tried to fight against the Fire Nation, she was still responsible for the state of the world. More than anyone knew. More than anyone could ever know.

She thought of Zuko, and her hope that everything she had taught him would have stuck with him. She hoped that Hakoda was wrong and that other people in the Fire Nation would have what it took to learn that conquest was not the only way. She had learned, after all. Or maybe she hadn't learned as much as she had been forced to open her eyes. She had been forced to face the suffering of the outside world and to realize what a delusion her life in the Fire Nation had been, and she was better off because of it.

Even as she hoped that her sacrifices would bring peace to the world, she also feared that nothing she had done would really matter. She feared that Zuko would end up following in the path of his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. The wrong great-grandfather. She feared everyday that her sacrifices to protect her son would only bring more destruction to the rest of the world.

"We'll be at the base by tomorrow afternoon," Hakoda told her. "You won't be stuck with us out here in the wild for too much longer."

Ursa turned onto her side, away from Hakoda, and closed her eyes. The image of a burning golden gaze flashed through her mind and she clenched her jaw, forcing the image away. "Believe me," she whispered, not sure if Hakoda could even hear her, "there are far worse places I could be."

Older Fanfic, Final Fantasy VII: Anchor, Chapter 14

2009-08-14T02:53:27Z

Chapter 1 has disclaimers/summary/whatnot.

It came up one night when Cloud and Tifa were sitting on the front steps of Seventh Heaven. It was warm, the air heavy with the promise of rain, and Tifa was leaning against Cloud, her head on his shoulder.

"I talked to Shera today," Tifa told him.

"How's she doing?" Cloud asked. It had been three months since her miscarriage and he knew that Cid and Shera had been really struggling. Though he had never experienced what they were going through, he suspected their pain wasn't one that would ever be forgotten. It could heal in time, but nothing would ever be able to fix or replace their lost child.

"She's okay. She's…" Here, Tifa hesitated. "She's going to Mideel to see Professor Dorne. To see if it's possible for her to carry another baby in the future. To see if he can help her."

Cloud wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. If Cid and Shera wanted to try again in the future, good for them. He couldn't imagine trying to do that again. The thought of trying it once was bad enough.

Tifa's next words completely took him by surprise. "I want to go with her."

He moved his head back, forcing her to lift her head off of his shoulder, so he could look at her more properly. His first thought was that she wanted to go with Shera as moral support, but something in her eyes stopped him cold, and he cautiously said, "Isn't Cid going with her?"

"Yes. But Cloud--I mean I want to go see Professor Dorne myself."

Now much more certain of Tifa's intentions, Cloud turned to face her completely. "Why?" She couldn't really be serious. She couldn't really be thinking what he thought she was thinking…

"I want to find out more about what he's doing." Tifa met his eyes squarely. "So that maybe one day we can have kids?" Her last was more of a question.

Cloud's stomach plummeted somewhere to the vicinity of his toes. He had known, somewhere deep down, that this subject would come up eventually, but it wasn't one he wanted to discuss. Not now, not ever. He wasn't blind; he had seen the way Tifa's eyes lit up whenever a parent with a baby came into Seventh Heaven. Still…they had only been married for four months. Couldn't she just be happy with him and Marlene and Denzel? Did they really have to get into this? "No."

"Cloud--"

"Tifa." Agitated, he stood up. She rose to her feet with him, never taking her eyes off of his. "I don't want to talk about this."

"I know." Tifa took his hand. "But, Cloud--"

"No," he said more sharply. "I don't want you to have my kids."

He saw the hurt that flashed through her eyes, and she withdrew her hand and folded her arms across her chest. "You'd rather I have someone else's?"

His eyes narrowed. "You know what I meant. We have Denzel and Marlene. Isn't that enough? If you want more kids, why can't we just adopt?"

"That would be nice, too, sometime," Tifa told him, "but I don't see why we couldn't have one together, too."

"I might not even be able to give you kids, Tifa!"

"You're not even willing to find out!"

"You were at the hospital with Cid and Shera," Cloud said, trying to keep his voice low so he wouldn't attract the attention of the people walking past on the darkened street. "Do you want to go through that?"

"No, I don't," Tifa said, her tone matching his, "and there's no guarantee I would go through it!"

"There's no guarantee you wouldn't!"

"Which is why I want to go see Professor Dorne. I knew you'd feel this way which is why I want to get all the information I can first."

"You think some professor is going to be able to help?" Cloud demanded. "Because he studies this? He doesn’t know me, Tifa; I'm not like every other Geostigma patient out there. I spent four years--"

"You think I don't know?" Tifa's eyes flashed in pain or anger--or both. "You think I don't have any idea what you went through? You think I don't wish it could have been different for you, Cloud? But it's not different, and wishing isn't going to change anything. What we have is now. How long did it take you to even be with me because you were scared of what your experiments might do to me?"

Cloud's jaw clenched. "We still don't know that it hasn't done something to you."

"And if it did? Is it going to change our marriage? Is it going to mean anything in our relationship with each other now? I'm fine, Cloud."

"Having a baby is different," Cloud retorted. "It could die. You could die."

"I could get hit by a car and die," Tifa said. "I could get shot or stabbed or struck by lightning or--"

"Stop it."

"I'm not invulnerable, Cloud, it's not a secret!"

"I don't want you seeing some damn professor so he can poke and prod at you!" Cloud snapped loudly, drawing an odd glance from a passing woman.

Tifa got very quiet, and then she said, "Not every professor is like Hojo. Professor Dorne has set up a large facility in Mideel. He has a lot of people working for him, and Reeve hires him sometimes--"

"Reeve hires a lot of people. It doesn't mean they're all trustworthy."

"It doesn't mean that every professor who studies Jenova cells is automatically untrustworthy! I'm willing to take this risk. Some things are worth fighting for."

"This isn't one of them!" As soon as the words were out of Cloud's mouth, he wished he could take them back. He hadn't meant it that way. This was just too much. More than he wanted to think about.

But the words were out and the damage was done. The hurt was set deeply in Tifa's eyes. She kept watching him steadily, her lips pressed together tightly. She nodded slowly, and somehow the gesture of acceptance was worse than if she had just yelled at him and stormed inside. She looked like she was fighting with herself about whether or not to say something else, but when she spoke it was just to say, "I'm going to bed. Good night, Cloud."

:--:--:--:--:

Chapter Fourteen

The ringing of a phone jolted Cloud awake not long after he'd finally fallen asleep. He was grabbing his cell phone off of his dresser and answering it before it had completed its second ring, his eyes registering the name on the screen as he flipped it open. "Yuffie."

"Cloud!" Yuffie's voice was loud and way too awake. "Cloud, I have news! Not good news but not bad news, either. I guess it's just strange, really. Well, yeah, strange--"

"Yuffie, if you don't start making sense soon I'm hanging up and going back to bed." Cloud turned and saw Tifa sitting up in bed, watching him curiously through bleary eyes.

"We found the monster that attacked the school! At least, we think it's the same one; it matches the descriptions and I don't think I've ever seen anything so grotesque in my life--except maybe Vinnie's coffin--but don't go telling anybody till we know for sure. I mean, about this maybe being the monster, not Vinnie's coffin. Like that's a secret," she scoffed.

Cloud's mind was racing to catch up. "You…found it? Where? How?"

"It's dead," Yuffie told him. "Very, very dead. Definitely not a Summon. The thing's so enormously huge I don't know how we're gonna move it. Think I'm gonna have to call in Cid and his airship division and let him figure it out."

"Yuffie, you're not being very clear," Cloud said impatiently, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "Where are you?"

"Eh, somewhere in the mountains between Edge and Junon. Remember those reports I was investigating? Yeah, well, one of them was from some mountain man who said he saw a monster flying overhead and that it sure didn't look indignant to that region."

"…indigenous?"

"That's what I said! Geez, Cloud, pay attention! Anyway, guess the monster didn't fly much farther 'cause we found it dead not far from some dinky little village out here. And holy Leviathan, it stinks something terrible." There was a muffled noise as Yuffie talked to someone in the background, and then she said, "Gotta go! More stuff to do and this thing's gonna take me the rest of the night, and I've already been here all night. I've still gotta go by Professor Dorkus's in Mideel and then I'm swinging by Mt. Nibel and then I'm done--well, at least for now--and I'm coming for dinner at your place as soon as I'm back. Talk to you later!"

Mt. Nibel? Cloud stared at his phone as Yuffie hung up before setting it back on the dresser.

"Did something happen?" Tifa asked.

Cloud sat on the edge of the bed with a long sigh. "Yuffie thinks they may have found the monster that attacked the school." It was sinking in that maybe they had actually taken a step toward figuring out something about the attack on the school, though maybe not. What answers could they get from a dead monster except to know that it wasn't a Summon?

It's something, Cloud told himself firmly. If nothing else, if this is the same monster, we'll at least have some relief in knowing it's dead.

"That's good news, right?"

"Yeah. There's just…" Cloud hesitated.

The bed squeaked as Tifa moved over to sit next to him. "Just?"

"Still a lot of questions." Sighing, he glanced over at Tifa, who looked as wide-eyed as he felt. He doubted he would be getting anymore sleep that night, even though it was only four in the morning.

Tifa stretched her arms in front of her and then flopped back on the bed. "I'm starting to think I'll never sleep through the night," she said wryly. She lay there for a moment and then bounced back up off the bed. "Do you want coffee?"

Cloud rubbed a hand across his face. "Sure."

He and Tifa went quietly downstairs. Tifa made coffee while Cloud opened the blinds on the front windows, and then they sat at a booth with their coffees and he filled her in on Yuffie's short phone call. He paused after he mentioned Mt. Nibel. He didn't quite know why it bothered him that Yuffie was about to investigate something in Mt. Nibel. Though he hadn't lived there in years, hadn't even visited in years, he just always got a sense of foreboding when anything remotely strange happened there. Maybe because so many, many terrible things had occurred there over the years.

Tifa's forehead creased and she tilted her head. "Is something wrong?" Before he could answer, she said, "Mt. Nibel's where Nibelheim is, right? Where we…grew up?"

"Yeah." Since Tifa was still watching him curiously, he expounded on it a little. "Mt. Nibel's a death trap for people who don't know their way through it." That brought up more memories for him…of Tifa leading the way through the mountains, when he was wearing his helmet to keep her from seeing his face.

He had been such a stupid kid.

"There's a…geyser where the Lifestream comes to the surface there. Like in Mideel. Right?" Tifa asked, bringing his mind back from the darkness of those last days in Nibelheim before Sephiroth destroyed his home and family, before Hojo destroyed his body and mind.

"Yeah." Cloud frowned into his coffee. "There are other places where the Lifestream didn't used to come to the surface, but does now, usually in places where Mako reactors used to be. The theory is that once we stopped using the Mako reactors, the Lifestream gushed into some of the places where we had sucked the planet dry to compensate for the energy we used. There are now surface pools of the Lifestream where there were once Mako reactors in Corel and Junon, and one that came up in Midgar after Deepground." He looked out the window, beyond where his exhausted reflection was staring back at him, out at the dark street.

"Cloud?"

Tifa's voice was hesitant, and Cloud turned his gaze back to her. "Hm?"

Tifa's hands tightened on her coffee cup, and she wore a familiar look--the one where she seemed to be trying to figure out if she should say something or not. He waited, but after a moment she shook her head. "Never mind."

Something in his stomach clenched. There were those words--even if Tifa didn't know it, didn't realize it--that she had always used to avoid confrontations. And for some reason, it sent a surge of frustration through him. "What?" he pressed, and there was a mild edge to his voice that he hadn't meant to have there.

Tifa frowned a little, but slowly said, "I was just thinking that maybe at some point I should go to Nibelheim. That maybe it would help me remember more."

Cloud let out a deep breath. It certainly might help her remember more--most of the things she had remembered so far had been painful memories, or memories triggered by something painful--Marlene screaming because of a nightmare, a cut on Tifa's leg. Nibelheim was a positive roiling mass of pain in her past.

"I'm not saying right now," Tifa said hurriedly. "We just opened the bar again and everything, but maybe sometime soon. Dr. Anglo told me that sometimes remembering one thing can trigger a lot of other memories related to that first memory. Chained memories, he called it, but so far that hasn't happened yet. I don't know if it will, but it seems to me that a lot of things that happened in my life were in Nibelheim." She studied his face. "I know bad things happened there, but surely there are good memories, too?"

Cloud thought immediately of a starry night, sitting with Tifa at the well, a promise between them… "A few," he said quietly.

:--:--:--:--:

Tifa's second day back at the bar was just as chaotic as the first one, but she had a much easier time handling it, at least when it started. The first part of the day went smoothly. Though she was tired, the constant stream of customers (and several cups of coffee) kept her going.

Denzel went out in the morning and returned pushing Aria inside in her wheelchair. She spent the day there, too, and she tried to help Marlene and Denzel in their tasks around Seventh Heaven. This was made very difficult with the wheelchair, and after watching her struggle, Tifa pulled Aria into helping her make drinks. She wondered briefly it was entirely appropriate to be teaching an eleven-year-old girl how to mix alcoholic drinks, until she found out that Aria knew how to do it already. Marlene said pointedly, "She helps here a lot. I've been doing it half my life."

Just after the dinner rush, things went downhill. Denzel had left to take Aria home, and Marlene was helping Cloud with drinks while Tifa was in the kitchen. Tifa heard a loud shout, followed by a stream of cursing, and she quickly dropped what she was doing and ran out of the kitchen into the bar. The sight that met her eyes set her mind reeling.

Cloud was standing in front of Marlene with a sword drawn, holding it over a man who was lifting his hands up in a gesture of surrender, a horrified look on his face. She saw what was happening, clear as anything, but in her head she was seeing something entirely different.

Standing in the Mako reactor...pain and hatred, absolute rage was pouring through every part of her. She hated them, hated what they had done, but most of all she hated the man standing at the top of the stairs. "Sephiroth! How dare you do this to Father?" Her father, dead outside, body still warm. "How dare you do this to everyone in the village?" Her home, burning, burning to the ground.

She ran at him, sword held high, his sword, that had slain her father and she hated him, she wanted him dead and she was blind to anything but her anguish and fury. But he caught the sword and lifted her off her feet. Her burning eyes met his as the sword was pulled from her grasp and Sephiroth sliced her across her chest, cutting deep and she was falling, falling backwards, tumbling down the steps…

Her heart was racing as she watched Cloud make the man in front of his sword leave the bar. Her hand was pressed against the scar on her chest and her breathing was coming out in short little bursts.

The bar was perfectly silent, but as soon as the man who had caused the disturbance--whatever it was--was out the door and Cloud had put his sword away, conversations resumed as if this was a perfectly normal occurrence.

Tifa walked around the counter, trying to keep herself calm as she approached Marlene, who was bent on the ground, trying to pick up several large pieces of glass. "Marlene? Are you okay?"

Marlene nodded. "Yes, I'm fine."

"I'll take care of this," Tifa said. Broom. She needed to get a broom. Before she could move, Cloud crouched next to them and took the glass from Marlene. "What happened?" she asked him.

"It's my fault," Marlene said. "I spilled his drink on him and dropped the glass."

Cloud's face was a complete mask, but his eyes were smoldering. "He was about to hit her." To Marlene, he said, "Go sit down for a minute, okay?"

Marlene nodded and went to sit at one of the empty barstools. She didn't look fazed; her lips were pressed together and her eyes were shining with determination. Tifa supposed after growing up in this environment, she would be used to all sorts of situations.

Cloud let out a long breath. "Two days in and already a troublemaker," he muttered. "I'm sure things will calm down once we've been back in business for a little longer. There've been new people visiting Edge this week anyway, after what happened with the school." He took the glass in his hand to the trash behind the counter and grabbed the broom that Tifa had neglected to get. While he cleaned up the rest of the mess, Tifa went back behind the counter and turned toward the wall on the pretense of looking at the bottles of alcohol on the shelf there, but her eyes were no longer focusing on anything. All she could see was the memory she had just recalled. The emotions raged through her, fresh and strong…the hate had been so powerful, so overwhelming…the agony of loss…then the physical pain, her body broken…

At least she knew where her scar had come from.

"Tifa?" Cloud's face swam into her vision. He was peering at her worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"I--" She couldn't even say yes, couldn't get the word past her lips. Silently, she nodded. Pull it together, pull it together…there are customers to take care of. Marlene…pull it together.

"Tifa." Cloud's voice was more urgent. "Marlene's okay."

"It's not…that…" she whispered. Her hand went again to her chest, to her scar, and Cloud's eyes followed her shaky fingers.

"Did you just remember something?" When she still didn't answer, he asked, "Did you remember how you got that scar?"

Her eyes were blurry, but she wasn't sure if it was because she still couldn't focus or because there were tears there. "Yes." She took a deep breath, straightening and trying her hardest to shake the image. It suddenly struck her as terribly ironic that she had been trying so desperately to recall her lost life, and when she remembered something like this she was doing her best not to think about it.

Cloud's eyes were concerned, and he opened his mouth to say something, but whatever it was got interrupted when one of the customers at the counter called for a refill.

The rest of the night, Tifa felt like she was swimming in a daze. When they finally closed Seventh Heaven for the day, she focused every bit of attention she had on scrubbing the dishes spotless. Cloud stopped beside her at the sink.

"Tifa?" He leaned against the sink, searching her face, and she barely met his gaze. "Do you want to talk about what you remembered?"

Her home, burning to the ground…

"No." The word came out too quickly, and she didn't even know if she meant it.

Her father, dying with her name on his lips…

Cloud was still there, still watching her. She was torn, so torn and why was this so hard? Remembering this shouldn't really have such an effect on her, should it? She had known it before, must have found a way to deal with it, right? But with so few memories, she had nothing to balance out all of the pain she was finding in her past. There were no memories of days of sunshine and laughter and goodness, only aching and frustration, nightmares and sickness and death. She had one memory, one memory from her past of Cloud that she could cling to in which she remembered him gently bandaging her face.

Standing behind Sephiroth, sword in hand…

Tifa turned deliberately back to the sink, focusing on the glass in her hand. Wash, rinse, set aside to dry. She had to deal with this. If she couldn't handle the remembrance of this tragedy, how could she expect to handle anything else? She had to hold herself together. She had been out of the hospital for five days; if she broke down before even a week had passed, what would that say for the next week, or the one after that?

A gentle hand touched her shoulder and turned her around, so that she was trying to avoid Cloud's eyes through the tears that blinded hers. He didn't say anything else, but even through her blurry vision she could see that his expression was one of worry and an unveiled tenderness. She closed her eyes and the tears slid silently down her cheeks. She felt the brush of Cloud's thumb wiping them away.

As if that was all the opening she had needed, she flung her arms around him, holding him close, a desperate, helpless embrace. She shook with the effort of holding in the scream that wanted release. Her hands were wet and soapy as she pressed them to his back, but it didn't matter. Her world, her mind, everything felt like it was teetering on the edge.

Cloud wrapped her tightly in his arms, solid and reassuring. He didn't speak; he just held her, and that was what she needed. Maybe it was what he needed, too. Keeping her eyes closed, she let her tension and frustration out with every exhale, concentrating on Cloud's slow, steady breathing, on his hand gently stroking her hair. It was soothing and almost familiar. She had no idea how long she and Cloud stood there clinging to each other, but if she just didn't move, then for that moment she could really have a sense of completion, could really believe that maybe she had always fit there in his arms.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 3

2009-08-11T01:49:55Z

Title: Guide Me Home
Characters/Pairing: Ursa/Hakoda
Summary: They were engulfed in war and had already lost so much when circumstance pulled them together. Fate was nothing if not ironic. (Eventual Ursa/Hakoda, takes place during the show, without contradicting canon.)
Rating: T
Previous Chapters: (Chapter One) (Chapter Two)

Chapter Three - Cast Off

The three Water Tribe ships were safely away from the shore by the time the Fire Nation soldiers reached it. Several of them shot fire toward the boats, but the flames fell short of them.

They sailed for open sea, and it wasn't until the land was a speck in the distance that Hakoda turned the sailing over to the rest of his men and brought his full attention to the woman standing silently to the side. Their prisoner was still unconscious, lying against the port side of the ship, guarded by Mikko. He was tied up with his fists and feet pointed in such a way that if he tried to firebend, he would likely catch himself on fire, and a gag was stuffed into his mouth so he couldn't breathe it at them. Despite this, they weren't going to take any chances. Maybe he'd be one of those soldiers that would sooner die than be taken prisoner.

Ursa was staring over at the firebender, her expression guarded. She was also, Hakoda noticed, cradling one hand carefully against her stomach--the same hand she had avoided using to grasp his arm when introducing herself.

Hakoda took a step toward her and her eyes flashed over to his. They were a shade that wasn't quite brown, but almost a gold color, and unlike her carefully neutral expression, her eyes shone with a mixture of pain and anger.

"Are you hurt?" he asked her.

"I'm fine," she replied instantly. Then she paused, glancing down at her hand. "I have a small burn," she conceded. She unfolded her hand and in the moonlight, Hakoda could see that where the palm of her hand wasn't covered in dirt, it was red and already blistering. He had seen much worse, but it had to still be painful.

"Come with me." Hakoda headed for the hold, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Ursa was following. She shot another glance over at the firebender, but followed Hakoda. He borrowed a lantern that Tamoru was holding and climbed the ladder down below deck. Ursa descended quickly, careful not to touch the rungs with her burned hand, and followed him into the first room. It was crisscrossed with hammocks for sleeping. Furs were fastened to the floors, and various boxes and supplies were bundled and tied in the corner. Barrels of fresh water were secured in another corner.

Ursa stopped in the doorway as Hakoda hung the lantern on the wall and collected a small amount of water in a bucket, some cloths, and ointment for her hand. He set it all on the floor and motioned her over.

She stepped slowly toward him, her eyes darting over to the bear pelt on the floor.

Hakoda patted its stuffed head. "He doesn't bite, I promise."

One eyebrow rose, but Ursa didn't respond as she knelt on the ground in front of the supplies. As soon as Hakoda opened the ointment, the potent smell assailed his nose and Ursa sucked in a sharp breath. "What is that?"

"For your burn," Hakoda said. "It's made from seal blubber and arctic algae. It'll fix you up in no time."

Ursa looked at the ointment dubiously, but silently washed and dried her muddy hands. She wrinkled her nose as she scooped some of the blubber-algae ointment out and spread it on her burn.

Hakoda held out another strip of cloth. "You should wrap that. Here." He started to reach for her hand, but she snatched it away.

"I can do it." Her voice was tense, and Hakoda raised his eyebrows, but rolled back on his heels and held the cloth out toward her. More quietly, she said, "Thank you." As she took the cloth and began to wrap her hand, she added, as if in explanation, "It's been a very long night. That firebender tried to kill me, my home burned down, and my friend…" Her breath hitched and she cleared her throat. "My friend is missing." She finished wrapping her hand and dropped it into her lap.

"Maybe now would be a good time to tell me what's going on."

Ursa stared down at the bucket of muddy water, her gaze distant as she nodded. She told him the events that had led up to her joining him on the boat. Hakoda listened as she described her suspicions that the man who came into her inn was a firebender, her subsequent flight and then her return to the house of her friend and contact for the underground.

Only when she had finished did he ask, "Why did you suspect him of being a firebender?"

Ursa didn't answer immediately. When she did, it was with careful deliberation. "I was raised among nobility and trained to recognize body language. I can tell if someone is an earthbender by the way they move. I can tell if someone is a firebender the same way."

"Really."

She looked at him quickly, her expression becoming even more closed. "You don't believe me?"

"Oh, I believe you. It's just seems like it would be very handy. We're all trained warriors, but I can't tell if someone's a bender by the way they move." He ran a hand thoughtfully over his chin. "What about this scroll of yours?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe we should find out."

Ursa still did not produce the scroll. "I've never done this aspect of work for the underground. I didn't even have contacts outside of Misaki. She was the one with the connections. I just passed messages to whoever came to collect them and offered a hideout for those who needed it."

"That sounds like a lot to me."

"I should have known more."

Hakoda shook his head. "There's more to this than anyone might know. We had a mission a couple of weeks ago that should have been easy in, easy out. Obviously, not all plans go smoothly, but the Fire Nation shouldn't have known we were coming. They got the jump on us and nearly killed my second-in-command, Bato. We had to leave him at an abbey to recover."

"I'm sorry." Ursa finally dug into her robes and pulled out a sealed scroll. She looked at it for a long moment before breaking the seal on it and unrolling it. She read it and handed it to Hakoda, who looked down at the message.

Deliver the enclosed message to General Ling at the Earth Kingdom base outside of Gaoling.

There was another message rolled up with the first--obviously, the message for General Ling, but it was a mix of symbols and characters that made no sense. "It must be in code," Hakoda said. There was a set of coordinates for the army base, and he nodded, rolling the scroll up again and handing it back to Ursa, who tucked it back into her robes.

Hakoda got up and gathered up the bucket, dirty cloths, and ointment. "We got in touch with General Fong at the army base near Omashu and he mentioned that quite a few of these 'mishaps' have been happening around the Earth Kingdom, but especially along the eastern and southern coasts," he continued, stuffing the cloths into a bag of dirty laundry and putting the ointment away. "He believes that the civilian underground or the military--or both--have been compromised. There have been instances the past few months of members of the underground disappearing. Some of them disappeared without a trace; others had evidence that firebenders were involved, as you described with your friend Misaki's house. There have also been instances were the army's missions were compromised--where the Fire Nation seemed to know what they had planned." He motioned to Ursa to follow and headed for the door with the bucket of dirty water in hand, reclaiming the ladder from its hook.

Ursa rose to her feet and followed him. "So you're out here to investigate?" she asked as he clambered up the ladder, bucket and lantern held in one hand.

"Yes. We've made a lot of contacts in the underground over the past couple of years, since we've been doing so much traveling. General Fong thought we might have some luck with finding out what's going on. Knowing that there's at least one firebender who infiltrated gives us a really good place to start." Hakoda stood at the top of the ladder and waited for Ursa to climb out.

He walked past Tamoru and Ronook, motioning at them to follow as he headed over to where Mikko was still guarding the unconscious firebender. "Tamoru, Ronook, Mikko," he pointed at each of them, "this is Ursa. Ursa, them." He handed Tamoru his lantern and dumped the dirty water from the bucket into the ocean.

"It's so nice to be a 'them,'" Mikko said dryly. "So, Ursa, what'd you do to make this guy so mad at you?" He nudged the firebender with his toe.

"She's part of the Earth Kingdom's underground. I'll fill everyone in on the whole situation once we dock," Hakoda said before Ursa had to rehash everything she'd told him. "Right now, we're taking our prisoner to General Ling. He can question him in a place that's more secure than our ships. We'll also be delivering the general a message that Ursa is carrying." He nodded at her. "We can either escort you to General Ling, or we can take the message ourselves and you can go your own way as soon as we dock."

Ursa stared down at the firebender. "No. I want to deliver it myself. If you're taking this man to the general for questioning, I want to be there if he gives any answers. How long will it take us to reach the army base?"

"We've been to this base once before," Tamoru spoke up. "It will take a couple of days of sailing from here. It's not far off shore, but it's concealed in the mountains right next to Gaoling. Unless General Ling has moved?"

"No, the coordinates looked to be the same." Hakoda glanced at the firebender. "Tamoru, will you let the other boats know where we're headed? And we'll need to set up a guard rotation for our prisoner. Unless it rains, I want to keep him up on deck."

"Got it," Tamoru crossed his arms. "Notu can take over from Mikko. Hakoda, you can cover him after Notu, and I'll take a shift after that."

Tamoru hurried across the deck to tell the others what was happening, and Hakoda faced Ursa again. "I'm afraid we don't have a lot of room, especially since we left one of our ships behind with Bato. I don't have the space to give you somewhere private to sleep." It was only for a couple of days, but they were definitely not used to having a woman on board. He couldn't even offer her any clothes to replace her filthy, singed robes.

"You don't need to worry about me. I won't be here very long. And I can sleep on the deck," Ursa assured.

Hakoda nodded; that would work as long as it didn't storm, and if it did, they could move her somewhere below deck for the duration of the rain. "Ronook, will you take our guest and help her find any supplies she might need? Some spare blankets, something to eat if she's hungry--"

"Sure thing." Ronook waved at Ursa. "Come on, we'll get you set up in no time."

Ursa gave the firebender one last look before following Ronook back toward the hold. No sooner had they gone below deck than Mikko said, "I think our prisoner is waking up."

Hakoda turned and found that the firebender was rousing. It was only a few seconds before his eyes snapped open and he began struggling before he realized he was securely tied and gagged. He looked frantically around and glared at everyone within eyesight. He froze when Mikko aimed a spear at his throat.

"Better get used to it," Hakoda told him in a hard voice. "You're in for a nice long imprisonment. It's your choice whether you arrive conscious or not."

:--:--:--:--:

Hakoda's shift to watch the firebender started several hours before dawn. He'd managed to get a few hours of sleep in his hammock and he stifled a yawn as he climbed the ladder and relieved Ronook of the job. The firebender was still awake, shooting hate-filled looks at them, but so far he hadn't tried anything. They had given him water to drink earlier in the night, while holding weapons at ready in case he tried to breathe fire at them.

The sky was completely clear of clouds now, and the pale moon glistened brightly against the boat and the water. Hakoda took a seat close enough to the prisoner to stop him quickly should he cause trouble, holding his club loosely in one hand. Two of the other warriors were manning the ship, and across the water, several other figures were keeping the other boats sailing.

On the starboard side of the ship, Ursa was lying on blankets, her back to Hakoda. He hoped that at least she was getting some rest this night, but given everything that had just happened, he wasn't surprised when she eventually rolled over and looked at the prisoner, and then at Hakoda. After a moment, she stood and walked toward Hakoda, her face drawn and exhausted.

"Did you get any sleep?" Hakoda asked quietly, keeping an eye trained on his prisoner as Ursa approached.

"A bit." Ursa folded her arms and very formally asked, "May I join you?"

Hakoda waved at the deck beside him and she sat near him, straight-backed and with a wary eye toward the firebender.

"I never really thanked you for all of your help," Ursa began.

Hakoda shook his head. "We were just in the right place at the right time. But you're welcome." He paused, then added, "I'm sorry about your home--and your friend."

"It's not the first one I've lost." Her voice was short, and it was clear from her tone that she didn't want to talk about it. Instead, she turned the conversation around on him. "So you're from the South Pole."

"Yes."

"When was the last time you were there?"

"It's been two years since we left."

There was a heavy, tired silence before Ursa said, "You must miss it terribly."

Hakoda glanced briefly up at the moon, keeping the firebender in his peripheral vision. His thoughts drifted across the miles to the ice and snow of the South Pole. He thought of waking up to the sound of seals, of watching penguins waddle through the village while the children tried to catch them. Most of all, he thought of the two children who meant everything to him. They would be sleeping snugly in the village right now, and he could picture their peacefully sleeping faces as if it hadn't been two years since he had last seen them. An all-too-familiar ache rose in him and he murmured, "Yes."

When he looked at Ursa, it was to find her staring out at the ocean, her expression filled with pain. Almost as soon as he saw it, she schooled her face into that neutral mask she had been wearing all evening. She couldn't take the pain away from her eyes, though; it stood out clearly, another sharp indication of everything she had just lost. Her home, her friend, her livelihood--everything familiar had been stripped of her in one night.

Clearing her throat, Ursa asked, "Are any of you waterbenders?"

"No." Hakoda's grip on his club tightened. "The Fire Nation made sure we didn't have any waterbenders left. Raids," he clarified, seeing her frown. "They raided our home and captured any waterbenders they could find." His mind turned to his daughter, and the ache within him deepened. "I don't know what shape the Northern Tribe is in, but waterbenders are nonexistent in the South Pole." Save one, and while Katara remained there, he would always be careful to keep her identity as a waterbender from strangers, however trustworthy they may be--particularly with a firebender prisoner sitting so close. "If we can't end this war, I'm afraid the Water Tribe will go the same way as the Air Nomads."

Ursa looked away. "I didn't realize it was so dire. The Water Tribes have been so far removed from--"

"Everyone?" Hakoda interjected, a wry smile settling on his face.

"I was going to say everything I know," Ursa replied. "I've heard rumors and stories of the warriors of the Water Tribe helping the Earth Kingdom, but meeting you is like meeting a living legend."

"Don't tell that to the rest of the men," Hakoda told her in a low voice. "It will go to their heads."

Ursa eyes moved over to the warriors sailing the ship. "You're rather different than I imagined."

"Oh?" Hakoda crossed his arms and leaned back. "What did you imagine differently? Let me guess. We're taller than you imagined. More rugged? It's our good looks, isn't it? Well, I can't blame you there. We are a handsome bunch. Except for Tamoru," he said, raising his voice as he saw Tamoru heading toward them with his spear in hand. "It's because of his face that we got such a fearsome reputation, you know."

"What's that about our fearsome reputation?" Tamoru folded his arms and shook his head. "Don't let Hakoda fool you; it's all his doing. He sends children screaming in terror when they see him."

Ursa gave them an odd sort of look, and Hakoda knew if Bato had been there, he would have been groaning and rolling his eyes. Hakoda considered his blithe banter a success, though--it lightened some of the heartache in Ursa's eyes and the barest smile played at the corners of her mouth. "I'd have to say the sense of humor has something to do with it," she told Hakoda.

"Hakoda's sense of humor is pretty scary." Tamoru grinned as he sat down on Hakoda's other side, settling his spear across his legs. "My shift," he told Hakoda. "Go get some sleep. Better get to it while you can; Mikko's not snoring for once."

Ursa stood when Hakoda did, smoothing a hand over her ruined robes. "I should try to get some sleep, too," she said quietly.

"See, Tamoru, you're scaring her away already." Hakoda winked at Ursa. "If you need anything, just ask any of the men."

"Thank you."

Hakoda waited until she was settled back on her blankets and then nodded at Tamoru, who nodded back, silently affirming that he would keep an eye on their guest as well as their prisoner. With one last glance at the moon, his mind still full of memories of his home and his children, Hakoda retreated below deck.

Avatar Prompt #27, Hope and Aang/Katara

2009-08-10T03:50:30Z

Prompt #27: Needle in a Haystack
Characters: Hope, her family, and Aang/Katara

Hope had grown up hearing all about how she had come into the world. She heard about how the Avatar and his companions had led her parents and aunt through the deadly Serpent's Pass, how her mother had gone into labor and how Lady Katara, the world-renowned waterbender, healer, and wife of the Avatar, had acted as midwife on the road. She heard about how her name had been given to her after the Avatar shared how hopeful her birth had made him when he had been going through a very rough time.

As a little girl, the story had always enthralled Hope, but as she got older, she had to wonder how anything as simple as her birth could have inspired someone as powerful and influential as Avatar Aang. She'd witnessed plenty of childbirth in her years and it was always messy and resulted in a screaming, squishy baby.

The year she turned thirteen, her parents decided to take the family to Ba Sing Se for the annual celebration of the day the city had been liberated and the Firelord defeated. Avatar Aang and Lady Katara were supposed to make an appearance there, and while Hope really didn't think she'd meet these famous heroes, the idea of going to the city was appealing. She had spent most of her life in a tiny village where the most interesting thing that had happened was when her friend Oshu's cow-pig had a baby with two heads.

Her parents packed up Hope and her two brothers and headed for the big city. The celebration was already in full-swing when they arrived, and Hope drank in the sights, the sounds, the crowds. She was captivated by the displays of various bending, of jugglers and street vendors, bright colors and twirling dancers. She kept twisting to look at everything, overwhelmed by everything there was to see and do.

Maybe that was how she got distracted enough to turn around and find that her parents and brothers were nowhere in sight. Hope stood stock-still, frantically looking every which way, but they were just gone. She shouted for them, but there was so much noise already that her voice was swallowed up in the cacophony of other voices and sounds.

Suddenly the city seemed much less enchanting and a lot scarier. What did she know about cities? She was a country girl. There were so many streets here and she had heard her parents' tales about how massive Ba Sing Se was. What if she couldn't find them? Looking for them here would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. What if someone bad found her first? What if--

"Are you lost?"

The gentle voice broke through her panic, and she whirled to find a very pretty woman gazing at her with concern in her blue eyes. She had a tiny baby in a sling across her chest and was holding two small children by the hands. Beside her, also looking worried, was a tall man wearing a round cap over his head. He had a toddler strapped to his back and one more child beside him.

Hope looked at the young family as she nodded. "I just turned around and my family was gone and I haven't lived in Ba Sing Se since I was a year old…"

"It's okay. We'll help you find them," the man said reassuringly. "Did you lose them right here?"

Hope nodded, and the man smiled. "Then we'll just wait here with you and see if they come back. That's the best thing to do if you're ever lost in a crowd like this. If they don't come back, then we'll still find them. No problem."

One of the children holding the woman's hand held a bag of colored candy toward her. "Do you want to share my candy?" She was maybe four years old, and looking at Hope earnestly. "The blue candies are really yummy."

Hope felt herself relax ever so slightly. It was hard to be anxious when faced with such kind people. Before she could answer the child one way or another, the little girl plucked out a blue candy, pressed it into Hope's hand, and beamed. "There you go!"

"Thank you," Hope managed.

"Hope!"

Clutching the sticky blue candy in one hand, Hope turned at the sound of her father's familiar voice, relief sweeping over her. "Dad!" she shouted, waving as she spotted him through a gap in the crowd. Her mother and brothers were right behind him, and as soon as her mother reached her, she grabbed Hope and squeezed her.

"You scared us half to death, Hope!" her mother told her.

"Hope?" The kind man behind her stepped forward, looking at her and then at her parents. "I can't believe it! Than? Ying?" A huge grin swept across his face. "It is you!"

Baffled, Hope stared between her excited parents and the equally excited strangers. The woman with the baby was clasping her mother's hands tightly and exclaiming, "It's been so long! What are the chances of running into you here?"

"We knew you would be here, but we certainly didn't expect to run into you on the streets," Hope's father laughed.

"We wanted a chance to enjoy the celebrations incognito for a little while," the man admitted as he shook her father's hand. He was still looking fondly at her parents, and more strangely, at Hope herself.

"Oh, Hope." Her mother put an arm around Hope's shoulders. "This is Avatar Aang and Lady Katara."

As Hope stood there wide-eyed, Lady Katara hugged Hope, careful not to squish the baby, and said, "The last time I saw you, you were about this big." She pointed at her own infant. "I'm so glad to see you all grown up."

"Y-You're…" Hope tried to wrap her mind around the idea that she had just run into two of the world's most famous people--two of the people who were pivotal in the story of her beginning--and not known it. She was still holding the candy their daughter had given her. She had somehow pictured them--differently. More obvious, maybe. They seemed so normal, just a family out enjoying the festivities.

"Dad, Dad, look!" One of the other children, a boy, pointed at nearby jugglers tossing glass plates and cups through the air. "Do you think you can do that?"

"I think I'd drop all those glasses on my head," Avatar Aang said with a laugh.

"Maybe I can learn to do it," the boy said thoughtfully. "Can we go watch them?"

"You can learn it if you put your mind to it," Avatar Aang told him. "And yes, we can go get a closer look." He glanced at Hope and her family. "Would you like to join us?"

"That would be wonderful," Hope's father said warmly.

Her mother clasped Hope's arm firmly in her own, probably to make sure she didn't lose her again, and Hope followed dumbly as her family walked with Avatar Aang and Lady Katara toward the jugglers. She listened as introductions of their children and Hope's brothers were made.

As they stopped to watch the jugglers, the little girl who had given her the candy smiled up at her. Hope slowly smiled back and opened her fist, looking down at the blue candy briefly before putting it in her mouth. She leaned toward the little girl and said, "You're right. The blue candies are very yummy."

"The green ones are good, too. Here!"

Hope was presented with a green candy this time. As she took it, she realized that maybe in meeting this family, it was a little easier to understand how her birth might have had an impact on them. (They did seem to be very fond of children.)

And maybe these famous, powerful people were a lot more like her and her own family than she had ever imagined.

Older Fanfic: Final Fantasy VII: Anchor, Chapter 13

2009-08-09T17:46:53Z

Refer to chapter 1 for summary/disclaimer/etc.

The call from Tifa came as Cloud was leaving Kalm. He knew something was wrong the second he heard her voice. "Cloud?"

Cloud pressed the phone tightly to his ear. "What's wrong?"

"I'm at the hospital." Before he could ask what had happened, she said in a rush. "Shera's here. She's--she's really bad, Cloud. Cid had to bring her here because the medic in Rocket Town didn't have the resources to help her…"

Cloud's grip on his phone tightened. "What happened to her?" His first thought was that maybe there had been an engineering accident, a mishap with oil production or something. He wasn't prepared for the answer Tifa gave him.

"She's…she's having a miscarriage."

There were several seconds of stunned silence on Cloud's part. He hadn't even known Shera was pregnant. He didn't know what to say.

"Yuffie was here but she went to keep an eye on Marlene and Denzel so I could be here for a while."

Cloud finally found his voice. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

He arrived at the hospital in Edge a short time later and quickly found Tifa sitting in a waiting room with Cid. Cid was a wreck, pacing back and forth, his eyes bloodshot and a cigarette dangling from his mouth in complete disregard of the 'no smoking' sign on the wall. Judging from the pile of cigarette stubs on the table, it wasn't his first one. Cid barely turned a glance Cloud's way as he entered, and didn't say anything to him.

Cloud had absolutely no idea what to say, what to ask. He finally said, "How's Shera?"

Cid responded to this with an angry outburst. "How the fuck do you think she is?" He dropped his cigarette onto the floor and stomped on it before crashing onto one of the chairs and burying his face in his hands.

"She's in surgery," Tifa told Cloud softly as he sat slowly beside her. "She lost a lot of blood."

It was a horrible night. Cloud and Tifa stayed with Cid the entire time, as he alternated between smoking, cursing, and deathly silences. They fielded calls from Yuffie and Barret and stepped out of the waiting room to talk to Vincent when he showed up briefly, but Cloud knew Tifa fell as helpless as he did. How could they possibly say or do anything that would help? Even if Shera pulled through, how could anything help ease the pain that would follow, the pain of losing an unborn child?

It was sometime in the middle of the night when a doctor finally came in to tell Cid that Shera was stable. "She's in the recovery ward."

"Why'd she--why'd this happen?" Cid asked hoarsely.

"Sometimes it just happens," the doctor said gently. "Except--"

"Except what?" Cid demanded.

"Your wife had Geostigma. We've come to learn that patients previously infected with the Stigma have a much higher occurrence of miscarriage and other problems with having children. The Jenova cells which caused the Geostigma are inactive in patients who have been cured, but they are still present in the bloodstream. Oftentimes, the mother's bodies register the growing fetus as being a threat or a foreign disease and it results in miscarriage. It also occurs in women who were unaffected by the Stigma, but whose partners suffered from it. We still do not know all the effects the Jenova cells left on our bodies. Now, none of this means that people who once had Geostigma are incapable of having children, but we have found that the risks and complications are higher. Babies who have been born of parents who had Geostigma have been found to often have active Jenova cells within them. We are fortunate to still have a pool of the healing rain in that church, because right now it is the only thing we have found that neutralizes the active cells." The doctor paused. "I know you're far away from thinking about pregnancies in the future, but there is a professor in Mideel who has been studying this problem in greater detail and has been working on ways to help couples who once had Geostigma have more success in having healthy children."

Cid looked angry again--angry and in pain. For a moment, Cloud wondered if he might explode, but he just shook his head. "Just fuckin' take me to my wife."

Geostigma. Jenova cells. Would they ever stop causing pain and suffering to the people in Cloud's life?

Cloud and Tifa stayed where they were, holding hands tightly, while Cid went to see Shera. Tifa looked like she was fighting tears when she looked at Cloud. "It's not fair," she whispered. "Shera told me how much she wanted to start a family." She turned her face away from Cloud. "I don't know what to do, Cloud. I don't know how to help."

Cloud wrapped his arms around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Me, neither."

The dozed fitfully against each other for about an hour in the waiting room, but neither of them could really sleep and neither wanted to just abandon their friends at the hospital. Red XIII arrived near dawn and joined them in their wait, so he was there when Cid returned looking wearier than Cloud had ever seen him.

"Shera's not really up for a lot of visitors," he said, "but she'd like to see you, Tifa."

Tifa got to her feet and hurried out of the waiting room. Nanaki turned gravely to Cid. "I mourn for your loss, my friend. The loss of a child is the deepest of pains."

There was only exhaustion in Cid's voice when he said, "Damn right it is."

There was more silence in the room until Tifa returned. Her face was splotchy; she had obviously been crying. Crying for or with her friend for a loss Cloud couldn’t even begin to know. "She's asleep," she told Cid softly, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Cid didn't move for a few moments, but then he swallowed thickly and squeezed Tifa's fingers before saying. "I should be with her when she wakes up."

Tifa watched him walk out of the room and several tears spilled down her cheeks. Her hand sought out Cloud's again, and he grasped it tightly. It had not escaped him that Cid and Shera's situation was one that could potentially be one that he and Tifa were faced with and he immediately shied away from the very notion of it. There was too much danger there. He'd not only suffered from Geostigma; he'd had other experiments done on him. Even if he could have kids after everything done to his body--no.

There was just too much at stake.

:--:--:--:--:

Chapter Thirteen

Tifa woke up in the middle of the night. Again. It seemed to be becoming an almost nightly occurrence. She turned onto her back and glanced over at the space beside her. Cloud was asleep, his face as peaceful as it had been the last time she had watched him like this. He was lying perfectly still on his side of the bed, not touching her at all. She had wondered if he would be the type of person to move around a lot when he was sleeping, stealing blankets or flinging his limbs all over her, but apparently he wasn't.

First she thought nothing in particular had woken her, but a faint sound from downstairs had her straining her ears, her body tingling with a sudden readiness. She knew the doors were locked, but would that stop someone from breaking in?

It was more likely, Tifa told herself as she slipped silently out of bed, that one of the kids had woken up and gone downstairs for something. Sure enough, when she stepped out into the hallway, she saw Denzel's door was open, his bed empty. Marlene's small lamp was on and she was still sound asleep.

Tifa tread lightly down the stairs and saw that there was a light on in the living room. Denzel was sitting on the couch, a glass of water clutched in his hand. His breathing was unsteady and his eyes were squeezed shut. Tifa watched him briefly before softly saying, "Hey."

Denzel jumped and almost spilled his glass of water. His wide eyes found her standing in the doorway. "I'm--I didn't mean to wake you," he said hastily. "I was just thirsty." He stood to his feet, quickly downed his water, and squeezed past her without meeting her eyes. She watched him take the glass into the kitchen. She was sure he was just going to walk right back up the stairs, but he lingered on the bottom step and turned to look at her. "You don't need to worry about me," he told her.

Tifa tilted her head and looked at the firm set of his jaw, the determination flashing in his blue eyes. "I don't?"

Denzel shook his head resolutely. "I've been through a lot worse. I'm not a little kid." His gaze was so solemn and determined, and it was so completely obvious to Tifa that he was hurting just as much as the rest of them, but trying so hard not to show it. Trying so hard to be brave.

He held her gaze for another moment, and then turned and walked back up the stairs. Tifa let out a long sigh when she heard his bedroom door close. She didn't know if there was anything else she could have done, but she wished she knew what to do for Denzel. He was so much harder to figure out than Marlene, who wore her heart right out on her sleeve.

When she went back to the bedroom, she found Cloud awake, propped up on one elbow. "Is everything okay?" he asked quietly as she slid back onto her side of the bed.

"Denzel was downstairs. I think he was having trouble sleeping, but he doesn't want to worry me."

There was a brief silence before Cloud said, "That's just how Denzel is." He lowered himself back onto his pillow, but he was lying on his side, facing her. "You always did know," he said.

Tifa turned her head and was met by those brilliant eyes of his, surprisingly close, and a little jolt shot through her. He had dangerous eyes--eyes a girl could fall into and drown in, so deep and full of life and emotion. It took her a moment to process what he was saying.

"You always knew when Denzel was having a nightmare. He usually goes downstairs for a glass of water to try to calm himself down, and you always seemed to know when he was there." Cloud rolled onto his back and closed his eyes once more, and it was only then that Tifa felt she could properly breathe again.

It was a little easier to fall back asleep than it had been when she had first climbed into bed next to Cloud. When she woke again, it was close to seven in the morning, and the space beside her was empty. She rolled her face into her pillow and took a deep breath. It carried the same scent she had breathed in every time she lay down in the bed, a blend of her shampoo and Cloud's own scent. This morning it smelled even stronger of Cloud, but it didn't seem strange. Instead, it made her stomach clench with a strange loneliness.

She was lonely. She was lost and even in the midst of this family of hers, there was still a gap to close and it was taking all of her energy to hold herself together for them. For herself, too.

At least Seventh Heaven was reopening; it would give her something to keep her mind busy, to keep her hands busy. Swinging out of bed, she set to getting ready for her day. Cloud and Denzel were already awake and eating breakfast, and Marlene joined them a short time later. Before Tifa knew it, the bar was open and swarming with customers. Apparently word had quickly spread that Seventh Heaven was reopening that day, and Tifa's regulars were all anxious to come out and show their support, since word had also gotten around that she had lost her memory.

It was absolute chaos as she spent the day juggling the insanity. Cloud was right beside her the whole time, doing his best to fill her in on each regular customer she saw that day, but it was exhausting. She had so many people chattering at her, asking her questions, asking if she remembered them, telling her stories about who they were and how she knew them. It was overwhelming, but she quickly learned which customers she had once considered trustworthy and which ones she should be more wary of--it was as easy as watching Cloud's body language. Some of the people he was relaxed and calm with, and others who came in made him tense slightly. He had strapped his swords to his back; it wasn't the first time Tifa had seen him wear them, but she'd not yet seen him actually draw a weapon and hoped that today would not be the first time for that.

Aside from that, she found that she was good at reading the customers' body language. There were subtle signs in their motions, their gestures, their eyes, which spoke volumes more than anything they might have said to her. She wondered if noticing these little movements, this instinct that came with it, was from all of the martial arts training she'd had.

She had a list that Cloud had written for her of the names of people who had been banned from the bar, and said he would point them out to her if any of them came in. He had warned her beforehand that there might be some people who came into the bar to take advantage of her amnesia, thinking that if she didn't remember them, they could get away with more. She was very grateful to have Cloud there to help her sort it all out.

At the start of the day, she was a little uncertain about how she would handle customers, but she soon fell into the rhythm of serving drinks and cooking food, and any initial shyness she might have felt disappeared almost instantly. She realized that she needed to be calm and confident, to keep control over what was happening for the safety of everyone involved. So she talked, smiled, and was kind to the customers despite her own dizzying sense of direction. If her patrons got too rowdy or tried to drink too much, she didn't hesitate in how she dealt with the situation. Her thoughts were on Marlene and Denzel when she told one man that he'd had quite enough to drink for the evening; she never wanted to see a situation in which someone was drunk enough to possibly hurt one of the kids.

Marlene and Denzel both helped take the meals and drinks to the table until they were sent to bed at nine. At ten, every customer was ushered out. Cloud locked up and turned to Tifa, who was staring around the bar in exhaustion. "Is it always like this?"

Cloud started collecting dishes off the tables and setting them on the counter. "Today was busier than usual," he said. "I guess your customers were just happy to see you."

Tifa began filling the bar sink with soapy water, but she was distant and a little dazed. Cloud paused on his way to the kitchen. "Tifa?"

She blinked at him and a smile touched her tired face. "Guess we get to do it all over again tomorrow?" She plunged her hands into the sink and spoke with determination. "I'm ready."

A slow smile spread across Cloud's face, and he nodded at her before grabbing the broom. She was struck again by what a great smile he had, and she found herself beaming down at her soapy water, suddenly a little less tired and more cheered than she had been throughout the entire hectic day.

:--:--:--:--:

If there was one thing Cloud could say about Tifa's regulars, it was that they were very loyal. He didn't always appreciate the way a few of them eyed Tifa, but he took some solace in the fact that she could still kick their balls up their asses if she needed to. He was really, really relieved to see how she handled them during the first day. Like in so many other ways, the Tifa he knew emerged. It gave him a lot more confidence that she could pick up running the bar again.

He and Tifa cleaned the bar together companionably, without any strained or strange moments for once, and when they were done, Tifa went to take a shower. Cloud checked on the kids and then headed into his and Tifa's room, stopping and eyeing their bed as if it had betrayed him. Sighing, he sank onto it and buried his hands in his hair. Deep breath in and out, and then he stood to get changed before Tifa was out of the shower. He had just finished changing when a sudden yell came from the bathroom, followed by a crashing noise and a muffled shout.

Cloud was at the bathroom door in a heartbeat, his hand already turning the doorknob before he caught himself. "Tifa?" he called through the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay!"

He might have believed her if her voice hadn't been so strained. There was another thump and the shower turned off. "Ow, ow, ow," he heard Tifa gasp.

"Tifa?"

Another hiss of pain, and then, "Damn it!"

Now more worried for Tifa than what she might think if he burst in on her, he pushed open the bathroom door. Tifa was standing in front of the sink with a towel wrapped around her, splashing water on her face. There were soapsuds in her hair and blood was pouring down her leg.

She twisted away from the sink as Cloud strode into the room. She was blinking and squinting, her eyes red. Cloud grabbed her shoulders and steered her to the edge of the bathtub. "Sit." He reached into the cupboard for the first aid kit they kept upstairs. He turned to Tifa, whose expression was embarrassed, even though she was still blinking rapidly, water streaming out of her reddened eyes. "What happened?" He knelt in front of her, searching for the source of the blood, trying to focus on the fact that he was doing first aid and not on the fact that Tifa was wrapped only in a towel, her skin wet and smooth and damn, what was wrong with him? Tifa was hurt and he was thinking about her naked?

He finally found the source of the bleeding; she had a long gash on the back of her leg. Tifa grew more flustered as he pressed an extra towel against it. "I-I can take care of it, Cloud."

"Can you even see?" Cloud asked skeptically.

"Umm…"

"Right. What happened?" he repeated his question.

"I got soap in my eyes." Tifa rubbed at her eyes again with one hand, the other clutching the towel closed at her chest. Her body stiffened as Cloud pushed the towel more tightly to her cut. "Th-the water turned ice cold all of a sudden. I knocked the shampoo into the shower and scraped my leg on the faucet. I was just startled..."

"Hold this here." Cloud waited until Tifa was holding the extra towel to her own leg before grabbing some alcohol swabs. "I should have thought to warn you about the water. And the power. Sometimes the hot water suddenly stops working for a little while, or the power shuts off. It's a part of living in Edge. Just be glad we're not in Junon." The gash on her leg wasn't deep enough to need stitches or even possibly an x-potion, but it was still deeper than just a surface scratch. He knew their faucet was an old, used piece that had been scavenged from Midgar when they were building the bar, not in the best shape, but it was functional. "This will sting." He pushed the towel away from her steadily bleeding cut and wiped alcohol over it.

Her body tensed again and her hands clenched the edge of the bathtub. Probably more to distract herself than anything else, she asked, "What's wrong with Junon?"

"Do you remember anything about their Underwater Reactor?"

"N-not really."

"Well, they used to have underwater Mako reactor. It's since been converted into an underwater facility that's supposed to use water for electricity. More than half of Junon runs on hydroelectricity now, but they have a lot more power outages than we have here. Still, the engineers keep working on it, and it's better than Mako. The planet's slowly healing itself." The people were healing too, learning to live and work with the planet instead of against it. Then it always seemed like something came up and disrupted it all over again. Geostigma. Deepground. Monster attacks on schools.

Cloud put medicine and a large bandage over Tifa's cut, then nodded and rolled back on his heels. He looked up into her eyes and found her blinking had stopped. She was staring at him with stunned look, as if he had just hit her upside the head instead of patching her up. Her fingers went to her right cheek, her wide gaze fixed on his face. "I remember," she whispered. "I--you--the bar. There was a fight. You came in during a fight, I think. You had your sword. And you…" She lowered her hand from her cheek. "You put a bandage on my cheek. You were worried and I was trying to clean up broken glass…"

Cloud knew exactly the moment she was talking about. He kept gaze on hers as she searched his face for…what?

"I remember you." There as a tremulous note in Tifa's voice, and she ducked her head. "I remember you…" She shook her head and stood up, and Cloud stood with her. "I-I need to get dressed. A-And I still have shampoo in my hair." She sounded like she might start crying.

Cloud knew that was his cue to leave. He stepped out of the bathroom and as soon as Tifa closed the door behind him, he leaned against the wall. Tifa had remembered him. She had remembered something and it was about him and it wasn't horrible. Yes, that moment in the bar that she recalled had led to a lecture from her, but it had been one of the major steps in bringing them together.

He peeled himself away from the wall and went to their room to sit on the edge of their bed. He was still sitting there when Tifa came in, dressed in her pajamas, her damp hair spilling down her back. She hesitated by the bed, and then slowly came and sat down next to him. She was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Can you tell me what happened then? I don't even know if you know what memory I'm talking about, but I--I think we might have had a fight, but I don't know. I remember I was frustrated. You were being protective and I was frustrated."

Cloud glanced at her. Her expression was open and she was much calmer than she had been in the bathroom. She was so close and it was all he could do to keep looking at her, with her gaze so open and searching. Her shoulder was almost touching his and she looked so vulnerable, so beautiful--he was going to go crazy. He was already going crazy.

He heard himself talking, forcing the words out past his lips. He was surprised how in control of his voice he sounded. "It was last year, just before we got engaged. You lectured me."

Tifa tilted her head sideways. "About what?"

"Getting over my insecurities and just letting myself be with you. Mm." He nodded once. "And letting you be with me."

Her eyes lingered on his a moment longer. "Guess the lecture worked, hm?" she said softly.

Cloud tore his gaze away from hers. "Yeah."

He was torn between relief and disappointment when she moved back to the other side of the bed. She pulled out the black journal he had given her and opened it. Cloud waited until she was writing in it before turning completely and lying on his pillow while she sat beside him, recording her most recent memory.

A memory of him.

He knew that he should be beyond happy that she had finally, finally remembered him and that it wasn't a memory of him doing something horrible. He was, but as he closed his eyes and listened to the faint scuffle of paper as Tifa wrote about him in her journal, he was also just lonely.

Now back to working on book 4. So much writing to do today on all sorts of things. *head desk*

Older Fanfic, Final Fantasy VII: Anchor, Chapter 12

2009-08-06T14:43:59Z

See chapter 1 for summary/disclaimers.

"Tifa! Cloud!" Marlene ran out of Barret's house in Corel and flung herself on both of them. "You're back! I've missed you so much!"

Tifa laughed and kissed the crown of her head. "Missed you too, sweetie." She looked up as Denzel exited the house, his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face. "And you too," she said, pulling him into a tight hug. "Have you been eating your vegetables?"

Cloud couldn't help but chuckle. Five seconds back with the kids and Tifa was automatically in mother mode. He had to admit, as he ruffled Denzel's hair, that he had missed them, too. His and Tifa's two week honeymoon had been amazing, but it was also good to be picking up the kids and heading home again.

"Yes," Denzel answered Tifa in resignation. "And brushing our teeth, and taking showers, and all that other stuff."

"Hey, it's the lovebirds!" Barret came out of the house and crossed his arms.

Tifa let go of the kids and stepped forward to hug Barret tightly. "Thanks for holding down the fort, Barret."

"Pshaw, ain't nothin'. It was good to have the kids around." Barret lifted Tifa off the ground and squeezed her hard enough to make her let out a muffled "eep!" before setting her back and holding at arm's length. "Well, Spiky, guess you done good; I ain't never seen Tifa glow so much."

Tifa waved him off and a smile touched Cloud's lips.

"Why don't you stay for dinner, 'less you're in a hurry to be off," Barret said.

"That would be great," Tifa said, stepping toward the door. "Do you need help with anything?"

"You jus' stay outta the kitchen," Barret told her. "I handled feeding the kids for two weeks; I think I can handle feeding you two without givin' you food poisoning or somethin'."

They had a pleasant meal, and then packed the kids and their bags into Barret's truck. He gave them all a lift over to Rocket Town, where Cid was going to fly them back over to Edge. It had either been that or try to take a boat and rent cars to get across the sea, but taking the Shera was decidedly the fastest way. Cloud spotted a few monsters on the drive, but none that tried to attack the truck.

Despite feeling rather airsick, Cloud had a nice trip home. Marlene and Denzel were both full of energy and stories about their two weeks in Corel and the day that Barret had taken them to the Gold Saucer. Cloud was happy to sit up on the deck with Tifa leaning against him while Marlene and Denzel chattered to them.

It was well into the night before the Shera landed at the outskirts of Edge. Marlene had fallen asleep sprawled across Tifa's lap, and Denzel had dozed off against Cloud's shoulder. Cloud roused a groggy Denzel, who stumbled to his feet. Tifa lifted a sleeping Marlene onto Cloud's back. He grabbed onto her to keep her from falling off and Tifa wrapped an arm around Denzel, steering him in the right direction.

Cid came out of the cockpit to see them off. "Thanks for the lift, Cid," Tifa said gratefully.

"Yeah, yeah. You just get those kids to bed."

They soon arrived home and went inside. The smell of the bar was both familiar yet strange after being away for two weeks. "Welcome home," Tifa said, carefully lifting Marlene off of Cloud's back. She gave him a brilliant smile before carrying Marlene toward the stairs, ushering Denzel in front of her.

Home. It was the same as it had always been, but somehow felt subtly different. Cloud knew, though, that the only difference was in him. It was always in him. The longer he was there, the longer he was with Tifa, his sense of home and belonging grew and deepened. As he stood there in the welcoming bar that was covered in Tifa's touch, he knew that no matter what came, he could never go backward. This was where he had always been meant to be…with Tifa, wherever she was.

:--:--:--:--:

Chapter Twelve

Tifa let go of Cloud's hand when the memorial service was over. He was kind of surprised that she had held it as long as she had--surprised that she had taken it at all. It was still hard to let go. He didn't want to let go. The whole service had left him numb and angry and aching, and the pressure of Tifa's hand had been comforting, reassuring.

Some people began to walk away, some stood talking, hugging, or crying. Marlene and Denzel were still with their friends. Marlene's shoulders were still shaking, but Denzel still had his arm around her and another girl around Marlene's age was holding one of her hands.

It wasn't long before Cloud and Tifa were approached by Reeve, who had been there to head the memorial and who had read the names of everyone who had died. "Cloud, Tifa, good to see you; I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances."

Tifa was looking at Reeve blankly, so Cloud said, "Tifa, this is Reeve Tuesti."

Tifa's hand automatically went out, and then she seemed to realize she was already supposed to know him, and she flushed and pulled her hand back. Reeve took her hand anyway, giving it a firm squeeze before letting go. "I'm sorry to hear about your memory loss. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call."

"Thanks." Tifa tucked her hair behind her ear. "You're in charge of the WRO, right?"

"I am, though there are days I wonder why." A faint smile crossed Reeve's face. "Cloud, I got your message about the delivery service. You know I'd be more than happy to help. I've got some people who can work on getting your packages to and from wherever they need to get until you're ready to take over again."

Cloud nodded at him. "Thanks." That was one load off of him, anyway; he didn't want to lose the delivery service and he had known if he didn't get some help soon, he would start losing customers. "I appreciate it."

Someone behind Reeve was trying to get his attention, and he shot Cloud and Tifa an apologetic glance. "I'll talk to you two soon. Take care."

As soon as Reeve turned to talk to the person behind him, Tifa was accosted by a short blur of flailing limbs. "Tifa! How've you been?" Yuffie disentangled herself from Tifa. She wasn't wearing her usual smile, and given their surroundings and the service they had just sat through, he wasn't surprised. "I hear you're opening the bar tomorrow. I'd offer to help--"

Cloud tried not to wince; he knew Yuffie's kind of help…it would involve some broken glass, a fight or two, and maybe some impromptu karaoke.

"--but I'm kinda busy so I'll have to take a rain check. I've gotta head out this afternoon." Yuffie hugged her arms around herself. "Have to poke into a few reports I got and then I've gotta swing by Professor Dorkus's in Mideel."

"Professor Dorne's?" Cloud corrected dryly.

Yuffie waved a hand dismissively. "Reeve's having me drop off our monster evidence to him for further analysis, 'cause he might be able to find out more about it than our scientists here could. Which is why I'll have to wait to help out at Seventh Heaven until after I get back. It shouldn't take me too long to take care of things. Just make sure you save me some of the good sake, okay, Tifa?"

Tifa was looking back and forth between Cloud and Yuffie with that mild confusion on her face, and at this last, she blinked and said, "Um, okay."

Yuffie squeezed Tifa and said, "I'm gonna say hi to Denz and Marls." She headed off toward the kids.

"What exactly does Yuffie do at the WRO?" Tifa asked Cloud.

"She's in charge of intelligence gathering and espionage."

Tifa stared at Yuffie as she stepped up behind Marlene and wrapped her in a hug. "Really."

"Don't let her fool you. She is a ninja. She's clumsy when she's trying to show off, and an endless chatterbox, but she's much smarter and more cunning than some people give her credit for. She can talk a person so upside down and sideways that she can find out a lot of things. What she can't get by talking, she gets by sneaking." Cloud paused. "You also have to watch your pockets when Yuffie's around. She has quick fingers and a fascination with shiny objects."

Tifa looked at Cloud as if uncertain as to whether he was being serious.

Marlene broke away from the other children and walked over to Tifa and Cloud. Her face was tear-streaked and her eyes were red, but she wasn't crying anymore. "Can we go home now, please?" she whispered.

Cloud nodded at her and went to see if Denzel was ready to leave, or if he wanted to stay with the other kids for a while. He opted to go home, and he and Marlene walked a little ahead of Cloud and Tifa on their way back to Seventh Heaven.

"Who's this Professor Dorne that Yuffie's going to see?" Tifa asked Cloud quietly.

Cloud shot her a quick look, wondering if she had remembered something or if she was just curious. Judging from her expression, she was just curious. Part of him was disappointed, but the other part of him was relieved. He was completely drained after sitting through the memorial and he wasn't sure he was up for reliving the first huge argument they'd had after they got married. Mideel was a place full of memories from his past and hers, both years earlier and in times more recent. Not bad memories, but…exhausting ones. Carefully, he said, "Dorne's a scientist who moved down to Mideel after Meteor. He's made it his life's work to study Jenova cells and the Lifestream."

"And the Lifestream in Mideel is right at the surface," Tifa said slowly. "Which would make it easier to study."

"Yeah. Reeve employs him sometimes when he needs to consult someone about Jenova cells or the Lifestream." He really did not want to discuss this particular subject at any more depth, not right now. Fortunately, Tifa didn't ask anything else, and they walked in silence the rest of the way back to the bar.

The rest of the afternoon and evening were busy with preparations to open Seventh Heaven the next day. Tifa normally had the bar open from noon until ten, and the bar was always closed on Thursdays for their family day together. Despite most of the other bars in Edge staying open much later at night, Tifa was never lacking for customers. The people who came to Seventh Heaven knew it was a family friendly place, and the ones that didn't soon found out.

By the time the kids went to sleep, Cloud had gone to pick up the stuff on Tifa's list, the meals for the next day had been planned, the glasses and plates were organized, napkins were stacked under the bar, and the cashbox was full of gil to make change. They were as ready as they could be for the reopening.

Despite the normality of the latter part of the day, Cloud felt anything but normal. He had been pushing himself forward all week, trying to take one step at a time, and his footsteps were beginning to drag. He was clinging to a calm demeanor, trying to keep his family together, but with each passing hour in each passing day the weight of it all just got heavier and heavier. Denzel's stark silences, Marlene's nightmares, Tifa's amnesia...he couldn't fix it. Not any of it. And there was no relief, no release. Tifa was helping with the kids as much as she could, giving comfort to Marlene and pulling Denzel into conversations--as short as they might be--but it was still difficult for all of them.

Just make it through today, he kept telling himself. Everyone's still here. This is your family and your home and you're all alive to make this work again. But he could not stop the lingering doubt or fear that maybe they couldn't make it work again. That maybe Tifa wouldn't remember him, or she would remember the painful things, that maybe she would wonder why she had ever decided to marry him. It was a small, irritating voice in the back of his mind, and he did his best to brush it away, frustrated because these were doubts and fears that he had already laid to rest. He would be damned if he let them come back to him now. He'd just been trying not to think about it. If he really let everything that had been happening get into his head, it started consuming him. It was easier to push it back, shove it down. Easier to stand strong when he wasn't being consumed with his own frustrations and pain.

Nights were especially difficult. In the past months, nights had been something Cloud had always looked forward to as time to spend with Tifa after the kids were in bed. Even if he was out on a delivery, he'd had coming home to Tifa to look forward to. But now, when night fell on Seventh Heaven and the kids were sleeping, he was at a loss as to what to do. Even sleep offered no relief, because sleeping in the guest room was yet another twist of the knife in his gut. The night before, at least he'd been too tired to do anything except collapse and crash, but because he'd actually slept decently for the first time in over week, it meant that on this night, he was completely awake. There was nothing for him to do; everything was set up for opening the bar, his bike was as tuned-up as he was going to get it. There was just him and Tifa, sitting at the bar counter.

He hated it. He hated that even the moments where he and Tifa were talking comfortably or doing something together, she was still…missing. She was missing somewhere in her mind, so close and yet so far away. Whenever he started to get frustrated, he would remind himself that he had once been in a similar situation. There had been a time when he hadn't known if any of his memories were real, when he had been confused and poisoned and incoherent, and Tifa had been there through it all. She had clung to belief that he was the Cloud she knew, had walked with him through his very subconscious and helped pick up his shattered, broken pieces and put them back together again. How had she done it? How had she done it with such perseverance and patience?

Because she loved me.

He understood a lot better now what it might have been like for her. It was hard. It was hard on either side, no matter how he looked at it.

"I guess I should go to bed. Tomorrow will be pretty busy, hm?" Tifa slipped off the stool.

"Yeah." Cloud closed his eyes and sighed inwardly. Maybe if he took Fenrir out for a spin, he'd feel a little better. A little more clearheaded. It had been a long time since he'd just had a few minutes of space and air. It might do him some good.

He was considering doing just that when he opened his eyes and saw that Tifa was still standing next to him, her hands clenching and unclenching, a sure sign of nervousness, frustration, or anger. His gaze went to her face. Her expression was one of uncertainty. "Cloud?"

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Um…if you want…I mean, you don't--that is--" Tifa was obviously flustered, and he kept his eyes on her. It was so strange to see Tifa like this--embarrassed about saying something to him, uncertain about it. He wanted to just grab her and tell her to just say it, but knew that wouldn't do anything except make her feel worse. "You don't have to sleep in the guest room," she said in a rush. "We can share the bed, if you want to." She sighed and rubbed her temples, but when she spoke again, she sounded calmer, much less nervous. "I know it's not easy. I'm sorry. I'm trying."

Of course she was. She was always trying; she always had been. It was just part of who she was.

Part of him wondered if it would be more difficult to sleep next to her or to keep sleeping in the guest room. It wouldn't be the same as it was before, but they had been falling asleep next to each other for years, on their travels trying to stop Meteor, in caves and forests and in prisons and on dirty bar floors. Falling asleep next to her should be easy, right? Anyway, how could he say no when she was stepping out and offering it to him? That said something--it said that she was willing to lie next to him, willing to share that space with him even if she was unsure.

And he didn't like sleeping in the guest room. He did want to be next to her…but he wanted her and not the cautious wall between them.

He looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Thank you."

Tifa nodded, her hands slowly unclenching and staying that way. "Well, then, I'm going to bed." She left the bar and he heard her footsteps on the stairs.

Cloud took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders in an unsuccessful attempt to ease some of his tension. It looked like Fenrir was out for now; if he left, Tifa would probably think she had done something horribly wrong. So though he wasn't tired, he went upstairs and got his pillow out of the guest room, setting it on the bed next to Tifa's pillow while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. He was stretched out on his side of the bed when she tiptoed into the room, wearing pajama pants and a tank top. She hesitated in the doorway, then crossed to the bed and lifted the covers. He very deliberately kept his eyes only on her face. This was hard enough without looking at the way her clothing fit the contours of her body.

There were several long, uncomfortable minutes in which they both lay on their backs and stared at the ceiling. Finally, Tifa breathed a long, slow sigh. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her turn onto her side, facing away from him. Before too long, her breathing turned deep and even, and he knew she had slipped into sleep.

He continued to lie there, wide awake, with Tifa right beside him and a chasm of space between them.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 2

2009-08-05T22:00:10Z

Chapter Two - The Southern Water Tribe

"Hakoda, there's a storm coming in," Mikko called down into the hold, where Hakoda was pouring over charts and maps. "We're not far from land. Do you want to head in?"

"Where are we?" Hakoda asked.

"Looks like we recently passed Chin Village. Last time we passed this way, there were no Fire Nation patrols, but that was a while ago."

Hakoda nodded slowly, looking down at his maps again. They were still had a lot of distance to cover before they reached their destination in the eastern Earth Kingdom. "Let's pull it as close to shore as we can and wait it out there."

"Right."

Hakoda listened as Mikko's footsteps took him back up to the deck, where he began calling orders to the other two ships. Their already tiny fleet had been down one ship since they left a boat behind with Bato. The plan was that he could catch back up with them once he'd recovered from his injuries. It had only been two weeks since they'd had to leave him at the abbey to rest and heal, and already Hakoda felt the loss of his second-in-command and best friend. He had known that Bato handled a lot of the legwork in preparing for missions, but with him temporarily gone, the majority of it was left to Hakoda. He was sure there was some appropriate adage for the situation. Something about being thankful for all the monkey-chicken eggs you had. Or maybe it was something about not putting all your monkey-chicken eggs in one basket? Eh, he was sure there was one about being grateful for what you had. He had been grateful, and he'd be even more grateful when Bato was better and back with them.

Rolling up his maps and charts, Hakoda tucked them into his bag and went quickly through the hold, making sure everything that might be thrown around in a storm was secure before heading up to the deck. The sky was thick with clouds and lightning flashed in the distance, and the wind was picking up.

Hakoda had weathered many storms in his lifetime, not to mention other hazards of the ocean. When he first left the South Pole, though, the ocean had been unfamiliar territory. He had been used to storms of ice and snow, blizzards that swept through and kept everyone bundled up inside. In warmer climates, he had been introduced to a whole new set of storms. He had witnessed thunder and lightning and torrential rain that could flood the decks of the ships. He knew that in some seasons there were hurricanes off the western coast of the Earth Kingdom.

"Looks like it's going to be a rough ride," Pika shouted at him from over on the second boat.

"Think you can handle it?" Hakoda called back.

"Oh, I think I can handle it. Who was it who lasted longest riding that arctic hippo all those years ago?"

"That would be Bato," Tamoru yelled over to Pika as he walked past Hakoda with a length of rope.

"I don't know where you get your information, Tamoru, but I beat Bato by one second!" Pika returned.

Tamoru scoffed. "Sure you did."

A loud crack of thunder drowned out anything Pika might have said in reply, and the skies opened up, dumping what could arguably have been an ocean of water down on top of them.

As predicted, it was a rough ride. They anchored close to shore, but with the driving rain and wind Hakoda only got glimpses of the land through it all. Still, when the worst of the storm finally passed and all they were left with strong gusts of wind and steady rainfall, all three ships were still floating.

"Good work, everyone!" Hakoda called out to the other ships. "Let's get to shore and we'll do damage assessment."

Night had fallen during the storm, and it was pitch black by the time they had pulled the boats up on the beach. Hakoda could just make out the landscape around the harbor. A sloping hill dotted with a few cottages led up to the silhouette of a town.

They weren't the only sailors who were looking over their ships; some smaller fishing boats had been anchored on the shore and their owners were pouring over them, looking to see if their boats had suffered any destruction during the storms.

Hakoda gave quick orders for two of the men to stand lookout. In unfamiliar territory, he wanted warning if any firebenders were to come calling. He sent Pika over to talk to the fishermen, to find out if any of them were local and if so, what the situation in the area was. He then joined the others in going carefully over all three ships for damage, using lantern light to aid them in the darkness.

Pika jogged over as Hakoda was running his hands over the bow of one of the ships. "This is the village of Huang." He motioned up the hill toward the shadowed structures. "Not much here, apparently. It's a small village, mostly fishermen. They did say there is no Fire Nation in this town, but there's a Fire Nation base a couple of villages over, and patrols come through here on a pretty regular basis."

"In other words, we'd better be careful." Hakoda considered only a moment. It was too dark to be sure they would catch all the damage that could have been caused from the storm, even with their lanterns. But if there was a chance the Fire Nation could stumble upon them, it was better to do any necessary repairs in the dark and set off again as quickly as possible. Maybe they had been very lucky and there wouldn't be any damage at all.

The world grew lighter when the clouds cleared enough to allow the moon to shine through. Hakoda glanced up at it and a small smile crossed his face as he continued slowly down the length of the ship. The ocean spirit had been good to them this day, and the moon lent its own sort of encouragement to anyone from the Water Tribe--and particularly to Hakoda.

They had gone over two ships and they were almost done checking over the third when Notu, standing watch at the base of the hill, shouted, "Hakoda!"

Hakoda turned at the note of urgency in Notu's voice. In the moonlight, he immediately saw what had caught Notu's attention. Someone was running down the hill toward the harbor, and directly behind that person was someone shooting fire out of his fists.

"Prepare for battle!" Hakoda shouted, already running toward Notu and Tamoru where they were standing watch. "But hold back until we see if there are more soldiers!" He motioned to Notu and Tamoru, and they ran with him to aid whoever was being chased by the firebender.

It was a woman, Hakoda realized as he got closer. Cold fury swept through him and he put on a burst of speed, determined to reach her before the firebender did. She was moving faster than he had originally thought, and for half a second he was sure she was going to run straight into him. She slid past him, grabbing his arm and tugging him sharply to the side. He paused long enough to make sure they were both steady, but his attention was focused on the firebender who had stopped in front of them.

Hakoda shifted in front of the woman as the firebender blasted flames at them. Notu slid in underneath the fire, shoving the firebender's arm out of the way and clocking him on the head with his club. He dropped to the ground, unconscious. As Tamoru began tying him up, some more of the men came from the beach, wary eyes trained for more firebenders.

Hakoda faced the woman who had been fleeing. Even with only the moon for light, he could see that she wasn't in the best shape. Her green robes were muddy and partly burned. He opened his mouth to ask if she was hurt, but her horrified gaze stopped him and he turned to see what she was looking at.

One of the cottages at the top of the hill was burning. Flames were leaping from all sides and from the roof, and he knew instantly that there would be no saving it. He turned back to the woman, but she was already sprinting past all of them, scrambling up the hill toward the fire as fast as she could go.

"Tamoru, get that firebender over to the beach," Hakoda instructed. "Keep watch over him. The rest of you, get the ships ready for departure in case more trouble is coming. Pika, come with me; we're going to see if we can find out what's going on here."

:--:--:--:--:

Ursa was running before she had registered that her feet were even moving. Fighting her way back up the hill on the muddy road was so much slower than coming down. Time already seemed to be warped and far too slow as she slipped and landed on her hands in the mud. Her burned hand was a distant, throbbing pain, something she could focus on later when her life wasn't falling apart.

She shoved herself back to her feet, not sure what she thought she was doing. Not what she thought she could do. Her inn was burning from the inside out, and she knew she couldn't save it. Maybe if it had still been raining, it would have helped, but the fire was too much, too hot. It was consuming even the rain-soaked roof and outer walls.

Her neighbors were out of their houses. Tan, the man who lived just up the road, was shouting her name and she finally found her voice. "Tan!"

He whirled and spotted her, his expression of relief visible in the light of the roaring fire. "Ursa! Thank the spirits; we feared you were trapped inside. What happened?"

More people were running from town, some of them carrying buckets. Ursa fought the sudden absurd urge to laugh. Buckets of water were going to be useless against this blaze.

She stared at the burning inn, vaguely noting that two of the Water Tribe men--the one she had nearly knocked over and another one--had followed her up the hill.

"Ursa?" Tan squeezed her shoulder.

"Firebender," she said, realizing he was still waiting for an answer to his question. "It was a firebender."

Several of the townsfolk within hearing distance began muttering to each other, and Tan's face darkened. "Did the patrols come back and do this?"

"No." Ursa still felt so dazed, numb, like she was standing outside herself and watching this happen. Why should she be surprised? Watching her inn burn was just like watching a culmination of the rest of her life. Maybe she had just gotten too comfortable, felt too safe.

Tan looked over Ursa's shoulder and spotted the Water Tribe warriors. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"Hakoda." The man she had run into extended his hand toward Tan, who eyed him for a moment before grasping his arm in return. "This is Pika," he said, motioning to his companion.

"Water Tribe?"

"Yes."

Ursa swiveled away from the three men, away from her inn, clenching her hands into fists. What now? The scroll in her pocket was safe, but she was responsible for it now. She had no idea what information was on it, but she was going to have to find out.

She needed to talk to Misaki. Misaki had to know that at least one firebender had infiltrated their network. She would know the best way to get that information to the people who could do something with it. Misaki was Ursa's contact, the person she was supposed to go to if she got into trouble. Outside of Misaki, Ursa only knew the names of a few other people in the underground, and the faces of the ones who had passed through her inn, but she had no idea how to reach any them.

"Ursa!" Tan called after her as she turned and ran for town. She ignored him, ignored the inn, ignored everything except what she had to do right then.

More townspeople ran past her, no doubt on their way to see her burning home, but she pushed past them all until she had reached Misaki's door. A sudden dread crawled into her stomach when she saw it was already open. Had Misaki left the house and gone down to the inn with the other townsfolk, and Ursa had missed seeing her?

Opening the door, Ursa poked her head inside. "Misaki?" she called. There was no answer, so she stepped cautiously into the house. "Misaki!"

Her knees went weak when she walked into the sitting room. The low table where she and Misaki had shared tea and bread earlier that day was overturned. There were scorch marks on the walls--Misaki's home had stone walls, otherwise her place would probably have burned, too. The cushions were scattered haphazardly across the floor.

Firebenders had been here. Had they killed her? Captured her? There was no body in the sitting room. Ursa ran frantically through the rest of the house, but the only room that was wrecked was the sitting room. There was no sign of Misaki, dead or alive.

Dazed, she stumbled back into the sitting room before her knees gave way completely. She sank to the ground, staring at the destruction. This didn't make sense. Why had firebenders come for Misaki? Was it coincidence that it had happened the same day a Fire Nation spy showed up at Ursa's inn? She had a hard time believing it could be coincidental. Ursa had been working in this village for years without running into trouble like this. Misaki had been here even longer.

Something on the floor caught her eyes, and she leaned forward, closing her fingers around a small object. Lifting it up to her eye, she realized it was a white lotus Pai Sho tile.

She hesitated and then tucked it into the pocket of her robe, her hand bumping against the scroll that was still safely tucked away. Forcing herself to her feet, she walked numbly out of Misaki's house. She didn't know how long she had before the nearby Fire Nation base realized something was going on in the town. Unless they already knew, and they had been the ones to take Misaki.

There were too many questions and she had no answers--but there was someone who did have answers.

She walked back toward her still-burning inn, and her anger swiftly overtook her numbness with each step. Her initial adrenaline was also wearing off, and she was really beginning to feel how much her burned hand hurt. She took several deep breaths and forced herself to focus only on what was happening. She could take care of her hand later. She had been burned worse than this in the past.

By the time she got back to her blazing home and the crowd around it, everything seemed sharp and clear, and she knew exactly what she had to do. She sought out anyone clad in blue and didn't see any of the Water Tribe men among the townsfolk. She found her neighbor again. "Tan."

"Ursa! Where did you go? I'm…look, I'm sorry about your inn. You're more than welcome to stay with me and Mari for as long as you need and we'll sort this out."

"I can't." Ursa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't stay right now. Thank you, Tan. You and Mari have been wonderful neighbors and better friends."

Tan's weathered face screwed into an expression of suspicion. "Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?"

"I am. For now, at least. Keep safe Mari and your children safe, Tan. Keep our town safe."

"Ursa!"

She was already turning away from the latest destruction of her life, but she could still see the light from the flames casting shadows all around her. She picked up her pace, back down the hill, back to the harbor and her only hope for answers.

:--:--:--:--:

Hakoda had barely arrived back at the beach and was debating over putting a firebender--bound or not--on one of their ships when Pika nudged him. He looked over to see the woman at the heart of all of this walking onto the beach.

Ursa, her neighbor had told Hakoda. He had said she was a kind woman, if reserved, and that she had owned the inn in Huang for four years. "Ursa wouldn't hurt a gnat-fly. It's not right that something like this should happen to her."

As she approached, she stopped and spoke to Notu, who was standing guard again. Notu pointed at Hakoda and said something in reply.

Ursa made her way over to Hakoda. Despite her haphazard appearance, she held herself straight and met his eyes squarely as she stopped in front of him. "You're Chief Hakoda?"

"I am." He extended an arm to her, and she carefully grasped it, but with the wrong hand.

"I'm Ursa. I need to talk to the firebender you captured, if he's conscious."

"He's not." Hakoda motioned over to the other side of the beach, away from the boats, where several of the warriors were guarding the tied-up firebender. "And maybe first you can explain why you need to talk to him?"

Ursa hesitated. She glanced around at the men on the beach as they stood guard, finished looking for damage on the last ship, or prepared for what might be a quick departure. "You're the same Water Tribe that's been aiding the Earth Kingdom in the war?"

"That's us. Southern Water Tribe," he said proudly.

"Then you might know." She paused. "May the sun shine upon your path."

Hakoda hadn't been expecting that. Well, maybe some of this would soon make more sense. "And may the moon guide your steps," he replied. "So you're Earth Kingdom underground." He had met several members of the citizens who aided the Earth Kingdom army over the past two years. They had delivered messages to him and saved the lives of him and his companions before. It was also significant because the Water Tribe's latest mission tied directly into some strange things occurring in the underground, and as a result, in some of the army's plans.

"Yes," Ursa agreed. "And apparently, so was the firebender."

"What?"

Ursa shook her head. "I need--"

"Hakoda!" Notu shouted. "Fire Nation soldiers at the top of the hill! I can't tell how many; there are too many villagers in the way--but they're heading this direction!"

Hakoda weighed his options very briefly. Stand and fight against an unknown number of soldiers, possibly win. Or stand and fight, win, and possibly have their boats set on fire. Or lose and subject the village to the wrath of the soldiers. He also had the captive firebender and now this woman with potential information to consider.

"Let's go!" he called. "Get our prisoner on board! Anchors up and shove off!"

"I'm coming with you," Ursa told him.

Hakoda nodded. He would sort out her part in this when he had all of them safely away from whatever was happening there.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Fanfic, Ursa/Hakoda - Chapter 1

2009-08-01T06:00:22Z

FINALLY! It's almost 2AM, but I need to post this now or I'll wake up tomorrow and rip it apart for the millionth time. I just need to move on with the story.

Whew.

Here is the beginning of my Ursa/Hakoda chaptered fic.

Title: Guide Me Home
Characters/Pairing: Ursa/Hakoda
Summary: They were engulfed in war and had already lost so much when circumstance pulled them together. Fate was nothing if not ironic. (Eventual Ursa/Hakoda, takes place during the show, without contradicting canon.)
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Avatar is still not mine; can you believe it?
My profound gratitude to Rachel, Kate, Emma, Faith, Ryke, and Matt for helping me with this, whether it was helping me work out characterization, offering suggestions, helping me find information, letting me ramble, or anything else.

Chapter One - The Innkeeper

There was a storm coming. Ursa watched the gray clouds gathering out over the ocean as she worked in her garden, pulling up weeds and plucking a few herbs here and there for use at suppertime. She had a good view of the sea, looking down a rolling hill and past the cottages of several villagers. A few boats were hurrying to get to port before they were caught in the coming gale.

"Ursa!" Len, the young girl who worked at Ursa's inn a few days a week, burst out the back door, twisting her hands in agitation.

Ursa stood, quickly tucking her herbs into her apron. "What's wrong, Len?"

"They're back! The soldiers! They aren't due for another week, at least!"

Ursa's stomach clenched, but she maintained her calm, reaching out to lay a hand on Len's arm. "I'll handle this. Please stay out here until they're gone."

"Y-yes, ma'am."

Bracing herself, Ursa walked into the inn. She could hear their voices before she had made her way to the front room, where a counter and a group of tables greeted anyone who walked inside. One of those tables was currently occupied by a married couple and their three children, and they were clearly apprehensive of the Fire Nation soldiers standing around the door.

The leader of the soldiers flicked his eyes over Ursa. "Ahh, if it isn't our generous innkeeper."

The knot in her stomach squeezed tighter. "Unfortunately, my generosity is running very low at the moment. You claimed most of my earnings three days ago." They'd taken most of her earnings that they'd been able to see, anyway. She wasn't stupid enough to keep all of her money where anyone else could find it.

"You've obviously had some business since then," the leader responded, walking toward the family who was watching the exchange with fear in their eyes. "Perhaps we should deal with your customers if you can't bear to part with the money they gave you."

The littlest child at the table whimpered, but Ursa already had her coin box out and was opening it. "That won't be necessary."

She waited, fury boiling beneath her cool composure, as they took all of the money in the box. "The Fire Nation appreciates your contribution," the lead soldier called as they kicked over one of her tables and filed out the door.

A low rumble of thunder sounded as the door closed, and Ursa let out a long breath. "Are you all right?" she asked her guests as the husband jumped up to help her right the table.

"F-fine," the young wife stuttered. "Do they…come here often?"

Ursa's fingers clenched the table. "That depends on what you consider often. The Fire Nation set up a patrol base two towns west from here about three months ago. They seem to feel it necessary to harass the nearby villages." They didn't have enough soldiers to fully control the village where she lived, but they did their best to make their presence felt. They were bullies and cowards, and there was always such deep anger in her when she saw them. Anger, and shame. Sometimes she wasn't sure which was stronger, but in the end she knew that her shame had the deepest roots and it could choke out everything else if she let it. "I apologize. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Her guests exchanged glances and told her no, but the husband added, "I think we'll be moving along shortly."

"Of course." Ursa nodded at them and made her way out back again.

Len was holding onto the doorframe, peering cautiously around. "Are they gone?" she whispered.

"For now." Ursa sent her inside and checked to make sure the garden was in order before stepping back into the inn. "Len!" she called. "I need to take some bread and jam over to Misaki. Watch the inn until I return, please."

"Yes, ma'am!" Len called from somewhere upstairs.

Ursa gathered up a loaf of bread, some appleberry jam, and her umbrella. The first thick raindrops were just beginning to fall when she stepped onto the street. She made her way to the heart of town, where street vendors were hastily closing their shops and tucking wares into compartments so they wouldn't get ruined in the increasing rain.

Ursa turned to one of the houses, attached in a row with others just like it, and knocked swiftly on the door. "Misaki? It's Ursa. I brought you the bread and jam I promised."

It was a moment before the door opened. The woman who stood just inside was leaning on her cane, making her seem far shorter than she already was. Her white hair was pulled up into a neat knot on her head and she peered up at Ursa with pale eyes that were getting increasingly blind with every passing day. "Ah, Ursa dear. I'm glad you're here. Come in, come in."

Ursa stepped inside the house as thunder pealed again, much louder.

"Dreadful weather," Misaki muttered, ushering Ursa toward the sitting room. "Felt it coming. These old bones are at least good for that much."

Ursa smiled as she set the bread and jam on a low table.

"Oh, lovely. I'll get the tea," Misaki said.

"I can--" Ursa began, but Misaki pointed firmly to one of the cushions on the floor.

"You can sit right down, missy, that's what you can do. You're my guest, and I will fix the tea. If you really want to help, you can get some of that bread and jam ready and we'll have it with our tea."

It was a few minutes later, as they both sat eating bread and sipping tea, that Misaki stretched a gnarled hand across the table and patted Ursa's arm. "You work too hard, you know. Running that inn, helping your neighbors, and that's among other things." Here, she gave Ursa a significant look. "Sometimes you just need to let others look after you."

Ursa met Misaki's eyes and her voice was carefully neutral when she spoke. "I owe so much more than I can ever give back."

Misaki pursed her lips. "So you always say, but I have a hard time believing it."

If only you knew. The guilt, never very far away, prickled the edges Ursa's conscience and she quickly swallowed a mouthful of tea, grateful when Misaki said no more on the matter. They finished their snack amiably while the storm raged, wind howling and thunder clapping almost loud enough to shake the house. Only then did Misaki finally get to the real reason Ursa had come. She pulled a sealed scroll out of her robes and handed it to Ursa. "There you go. Be careful, Ursa."

"I always am." Ursa slipped the scroll into the inner pocket of her own robes. It was thanks to Misaki that she had ended up doing this work for the Earth Kingdom army. The old woman had taken Ursa under wing during the worst time in her life and had helped her through so much, even if "helping" her sometimes consisted of being pushed and prodded and lectured like a little girl.

Ursa wasn't exactly sure how long it had been since the Earth Kingdom army had established an underground network with various citizens to deliver information, provide safehouses, gather information and intelligence, and perform a multitude of other tasks. As efficient as it was, she expected it had been going on for a long time. As owner of the only inn in the area, Ursa was able to do a lot of things and see a lot of people that might otherwise have made her look very suspicious. Misaki handled as much as she could and watched Ursa's back with a fierceness that belied her frail appearance.

Ursa rose to her feet when Misaki did, bowing respectfully to her. "Thank you for the tea."

"Won't you at least wait until the storm is over before you head out?"

"Thank you, but I have guests to attend to and I have a feeling this storm is going to be a while."

"Well, be safe, dear. Thank you for the bread and jam. It was delicious." Misaki led her back to the door and saw her out into the downpour.

At least the thunder and lightning wasn't as bad as it had been while she was in Misaki's home, but the rain was still coming down fast. The wind was blowing too hard to use the umbrella, so she tucked it tightly under her arm and hurried back to the inn, the weight of the scroll bouncing against her side.

When Ursa arrived home, it turned out she didn't have any guests to attend to after all; the young family had left as soon as she had gone to visit Misaki, and there were no other customers. The storm finally eased into a steady rainfall, and Len scurried home before it could chance getting worse again.

Ursa spent the early evening tidying the inn and making herself dinner. Night fell as she tossed herbs into a small pot of soup. The rain finally ceased, allowing the moon to peek out from behind the clouds and shine through her windows.

Her soup was almost done when she heard the bell over the front door jangle. Wiping her hands on her apron, she left the soup simmering and headed for the front room, where a strange man stood just inside the door. He bowed slightly at her as soon as he saw her. "Good evening."

"Good evening." Ursa greeted him with a bow of her own. "Are you looking for a room?"

"Ah, no. I'm here for other reasons." The man looked at her meaningfully. "May the sun shine upon your path."

"And may the moon guide your steps," she replied.

Smiling slightly, the man took a step toward her, and his movement set off a warning in Ursa for reasons she couldn't quite pinpoint. There was something about the way he held himself and the way he walked. "How may I help you?" she asked.

"I believe you're holding information for me."

All she had to do was give him the scroll and he would leave. She was supposed to give it to him; he'd already given her the correct phrase used between the members of the Earth Kingdom underground. There was still something that seemed off about him, though, and she had not survived all these years by ignoring her instincts. She wanted to figure out what was bothering her before she handed over any kind of message or intelligence.

The man walked all the way up to the counter, and it hit her like a sack of rocks why his movements bothered her. How many years had she spent in the royal court, studying all the subtleties of body language? How many years had she spent among firebenders? This man walked like a firebender.

Her mind raced with questions. What was a firebender doing here? Had he infiltrated the Earth Kingdom network? How much did he know? He could have captured the person who was really supposed to pick up the scroll, or he could have been working undercover for the Fire Nation for a while.

A small part of her whispered, and what if he isn't a Fire Nation spy? What if he isn't even a firebender? What if you're wrong? And even if he is a firebender, how do you know he's not like you and really working for the Earth Kingdom? It's unlikely, but not impossible.

"Is everything all right?" the man asked her.

She couldn't give the scroll to him without knowing. She couldn't take that risk. If he was a Fire Nation spy who had had somehow infiltrated the Earth Kingdom underground, they were all in a lot of trouble.

The weight of the scroll in her pocket suddenly seemed far heavier than it should have and her heart was pounding so loudly she could hear it. If she had to, she would find out what was on the scroll and deliver the information herself. She couldn’t be sure she could trust him.

But could she just let him go without knowing if he really was a Fire Nation spy? Even if she convinced him she didn't have the information he was looking for yet, even if she snuck away quietly and got this message into the right hands, she had to know if the Earth Kingdom was in danger from a spy in their citizen network.

Even as she realized that the only way to know for sure was going to be potentially very dangerous and life-altering, she knew that she had to do it. Wasn't this what she had signed up for in the first place? She had always known there might be dangers, and there was more than just her at stake right now. She counted slowly to five, made sure she was completely calm and ready, and told the man, "I can't give you anything."

He was beginning to look impatient. "Can I ask why?"

She met his eyes, knowing the impact the next words could have on her entire life. "You're a firebender."

Shock flashed across his face, and then his expression quickly shifted to something else. "I'm sorry?" He tried for innocence. She might have bought it, too, but there was something dangerous in his gaze and demeanor, simmering beneath the surface. "I think you must be confused."

And I think you have no idea who you're dealing with. "I'm not confused," she said, positive now. "You are a firebender."

Ursa barely had any warning before he brought his arm up toward her face. She dropped down behind the counter and saw the fire whip over her head. She threw herself toward the door that led out of the front room and to the hallway, but he leapt over the counter and grabbed the back of her robes, jerking her backwards hard enough to slam her into the ground. Sparks exploded in front of her eyes as her head collided with the floor, and she felt the pressure of his foot on her stomach, pinning her in place.

"How did you know?" he demanded.

Ursa blinked and her vision cleared enough to show him standing over her, a fist aimed downward at her face. She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would kill her, that he had to kill her to protect his identity.

"How did you know?" he shouted.

"How did you infiltrate the Earth Kingdom network?" she shot back. She might not have been a firebender, but she knew something of self-defense. Unfortunately, it had been years since she'd had opportunity or reason to practice it, and longer since she'd learned it in the first place. Dear spirits, just let me get out of this alive. I need to warn someone about this.

Ursa brought her leg up and slammed her foot into his groin, and the pressure of his foot on her stomach disappeared. She rolled quickly to the side just as he shot fire toward her face. It struck the ground beside her and scorched the floor. The firebender was doubled over, clearly trying to regain his balance, and she took the opportunity to rise to her feet and slam her hand into his jaw, hearing it crack.

He fell backward with a shout of rage. Fire roared from his mouth and out of his hands. The ceiling, counter, and a tapestry on the wall caught fire. Ursa dove for the front door as the firebender swung his hand in her direction, blasting more flames across the room and toward her. She wrenched the door open and made it outside, only to discover the bottom of her robes had caught fire.

Ursa paused long enough to extinguish the flames, burning one of her hands in the process. Biting back a yelp of pain, she hurried to her feet. If she didn't move, more than her hand was going to be burned.

She started running down the road toward the harbor; it was easier than running uphill toward the town, and she knew she couldn't bring this trouble on her neighbors anyway. She had no idea where she could go or how she was going to get away.

Fire shot past her ear, so close she could feel the heat on her skin, but she didn't look back to see how close her pursuer was. It was dark, wet, muddy, and slippery; all of her attention was focused on not falling.

She was passing the cottages at the bottom of the hill; the beach was right ahead of her, with several boats still docked at the shore. What would she do even if she did reach the harbor? There was nowhere to run.

Ursa heard other shouts then, and in the moonlight, she saw three figures running toward her. Panic seized her--what if she was running straight into more firebenders?

She didn't have much choice in finding out. She was caught between the firebender chasing her and the group in front of her, and going too fast downhill to stop herself. In a heartbeat, the people in front of her were looming; her vision was filled with blue clothes and the glint of metal weapons. Ursa tried to dodge them, but her foot came crashing down into a puddle and she just barely missed slamming into one of them. She slid past him, grabbing onto his arm and using it to swing herself around to keep from falling flat on her face. She pulled him off-balance, but he held his ground, and she released him as she found her footing. She bit down hard on her lip; she had grabbed him with her burned hand and it hurt.

Part of her fully expected to get blasted into ashes right then and there. Instead, the man she had collided with held up his weapon--some sort of club or sword. The firebender had caught up with her. He eyed them all for a split second, and then threw fire at them.

Ursa's vision was suddenly blocked by the back of one of her apparent rescuers, and when he moved out of the way, she saw that the firebender was down, crumpled on the ground in the mud. It took her a moment to realize he wasn't dead--she could see his chest moving up and down. One of men in blue knelt down in the mud and began tying the firebender's hands and feet together.

She heard a commotion behind her and turned to see more people coming toward them from some of the boats in the harbor. She tensed, but then realized they were dressed the same as her rescuers. Now that she wasn't fleeing for her life, she got a good look at them, especially since they were all turning to look at her. She had never seen so many blue clothes in one place in her entire life. They were all men; some of them wore their hair longer, with part of it pulled up. Others had ponytails or headbands. They wore various adornments, belts, and even had bits of fur on their clothes.

Water Tribe. Ursa knew part of the Water Tribe had been helping in the Earth Kingdom for many months now, though she'd never chanced to meet any of them. In fact, she hadn't ever seen anyone dressed like them except in history books.

A flare of orange caught her eye, and she looked back up the hill. A dizzying sense of unreality sank down upon her when she saw that her inn--her home, a place built out of pain and hope, a place that had been refuge and sanctuary not only to her, but to others--was being devoured in flames.